Quitting Nicotine

It all started in 2017, I was outside near the garage and my brother was smoking a cigarette and he exhales and said " Try this, try this you'll love it!" My mind said okay and then I was hooked. My brother and I use to share cigarettes for awhile. A month later, my brother bought me a pack of newport menthol 100s and I hid them in my closet. My mom had no idea what was going on. Until she realized I was going for a lot of walks. When I came back from back from this one last walk, she asked " Why are you going on so many walks?' I nervously told her " Nothing just felt getting some exercise." That was a lie that I needed to cover for awhile. So about like a couple weeks went by she found something suspicious. One day I was out with friends and she went in my room and searched it and saw something. She went straight went into my closet and saw a lighter near my drawer and she looked in a shoe box and there it is, the thing I didn't want her to see and she finally found it. She asked me " So you smoke now just like your brothers?" I replied "Mom, sorry I gave in and and didn't have the power to say no".

Then here we come, I started asking people who were older than me to buy me cigarettes. It was nervous I thought we were going to get caught. I always would wait in there car and just feel scared because they're buying for a minor. The shaking, the nervousness, the heart pounding feeling was particularly worst. When they came back to the car, I felt a huge feeling of relief. When I sparked that first cigarette and blasted the music down the highway felt so good. I felt free of everything. The release of dopamine every time when I spark my cigarettes is such an exhilarating feeling. My friends also smoked too so it felt better too.

About couple months later, I switched different brands now because I felt like experimenting. I wasn't getting the feeling I wanted, I tend to do that with a lot of things. Tried this brand, tried that brand it was a game trying to find the one that would fit my "needs" as you can say. Then I stuck with one finally which were marlboro menthol smooth 100s. They were my favorite. I definitely chain smoked those without a doubt. I got this weird thought in my head saying " Why aren't my parents worried about me?" That stuck with me for a little but that didn't stop me from smoking. I was completely addicted. I couldn't stop. I was going crazy! I needed it every hour, every occasion and basically anything.

Then someone told me about switching from smoking to this other type of version called vaping. I was actually interested in what she said. So I went on my phone and researched online and in store vape shops near me. Turns out there was one so close. It was that night me and my friend went to the vape shop and I purchased my first vape. It was also cool that I got a discount. When I put it in my hand and hit it I said to myself "You will be with me forever." The way I was so addicted to it was a problem. I would get upset when I lost it or etc. Then three weeks later it got stolen and I was pissed. I had to go to the gas station with my Dad to buy a product called the Juul. That one didn't do me any good. It already got lost in like five days.

This losing and buying shuffle kept on happening. There came a point where I would buy the same vape every time then it broke. Then here it comes I hit my breaking point. One night I was out of vape juice and coils and out of money so I decided and said to myself " Im done! Enough is enough!" But here's the catch I quit cold turkey September 23, 2020 and that lasted four days and then I relapsed and smoked. Then I told myself " You need to stop, you need to get right and do this for your health." So I committed myself to an official quit date and it was set as : September 30th 2020.

Today is October 13th, 2020 and I am officially smoke-free, I am currently on the nicotine patch which is helping me drastically with the withdrawals. Yes sometimes I think about smoking but I am teaching my brain new tricks and new tools to use when I feel I want to smoke. It was really difficult for me to quit because nicotine is a drug and it dragged me down and took my money. I know I'm early in my recovery but trust me I have the strength to keep myself free from such a toxic substance. From today and on I will commit myself to be strong as possible and to say no to this drug called nicotine.