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Finding Herself

A masterpiece in disguise

By hunter ruchellePublished 3 years ago 3 min read
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I'll jump right to the point. What is the definition of confidence? According to Merriam-Webster's dictionary it means : "a feeling of consciousness of one's power or of one's reliance on one's circumstances." Confidence is a very big term used in today's society. Something that is brought up in social media and in many other circumstances. Confidence comes in many different forms. It can come in : physical, mental and intellectual or even many more. Well what was my definition of confidence in my own terms?

My definition of self-confidence would be loving yourself without any limitations. I never wanted to conform to society's views or their rules and regulations. I am a free spirit. I choose to create my own boundaries on myself and others. I lost myself in the beauty of creating my own inner and outer masterpiece. But that didn't come over-night. It took time and a lot of effort.

Many months ago, I was depressed and lonely. I hated the way I look. I was closed-minded. I dug myself into a dark hole and never knew how to get out of it. I was overweight and I said cruel things to myself. I slowly felt I was dying inside. I also thought this was the only way to view life. A black and white picture. I lost sense of my own identity. I looked bad and ate bad. You could see it on my face. I was deteriorating and crumbling. The pieces just slowly falling on the floor. I couldn't imagine a new version of myself in the near future. I was slowly beating myself up and drowning myself in sorrow. My emotions got the best of me most of the time. My family was worried about me. I wanted to get out of this dark place but I was stuck.

About mid January, I came to a realization that I should start working out and start showing my true self. One that is pure. So I started working out with a trainer. She's incredible. She pushes me to my maximum. I also decided to start running. That helped my anxiety and I love the results of how long it took me to run that distance. I increased my self-confidence by surrounding myself with positive people. Those who will support me and not bring me down. As they say in slang terminology, " good vibes only ". In February, I ran my first 5k and I was amazed of my results. I accomplished a goal. I felt great! I felt like I was finally seeing myself do better. My happiness was increasing.

That is my physical confidence, how about my mental confidence? Well, I always try to say affirmations to myself. Those can be tough but they tend to work. I try not to compare myself to others because that can cause trouble. But I do look at myself in the mirror and say " You are someone who is beautiful, you are smart". I use some basic adjectives. One's that will help me just reassure myself. It's hard at first but it's worth it at the end.

Let's talk about intellectual confidence or as they say intelligence. I always thought I wasn't smart enough for different electives or school related subjects. I wasn't dumb but I knew I wasn't brilliant. Knowledge is all about learning and I lacked that growing up. Now since I'm older, I realize it's good to learn and grow in an area you would like to do for a career. Now believing im in a better place than I was months ago, I realize I can use my momentum and work hard to my potential. In all aspects not even in school.

Building confidence is hard for everyone. It's hard at first but you get use to it. Once you start opening your eyes you'll see so many bright things. Life is just not one sided. There is more to life. You just have to look at it through a different lens. Confidence is like stairs. You have to take baby steps in order to reach the top. That's the way I look at it. Ladies and gentleman, you are worthy and you are smart. Go kill it rockstar!

happiness
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About the Creator

hunter ruchelle

been journaling since I was a kid. enjoy my public journal :) . subscribe for more.

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