Pushing for Change: My Struggle of Advocating for a Natural Birth in a Hospital as a Black Woman

"Black women have higher odds of undergoing a cesarean: 36% undergo surgical deliveries annually, compared with about 30% of white women. Black women are also about three times more likely to die of pregnancy-related causes than white women." - source

Dear Society Listen, it's a known fact in the United States of America that Black women consistently receive subpar care in our hospitals.

When I found out I was pregnant, I was actually terrified! Not because I am now going to grow a whole human being inside of me. Not even because I knew at some point I was going to have to squeeze a watermelon out of a very small hole. BUT BECAUSE OF OUR MEDICAL INSTITUTIONS. The mortality rate of Black women giving birth here in the U.S is 69.9 deaths per 100,000 live births. Isn't that fucking crazy!?

Needless to say, I instantly had a ton of distrust for every doctor and nurse I spoke to. While searching my area, I found maybe three African American OB's, and only one of them was accepting new patients at the time. My first OB was African American, and I was 8 weeks and ecstatic that I found a doctor I was comfortable with! At the end of the visit, I was ready to schedule my next appointment when she told me "I am actually a nurse practitioner, so I will not be your OB. Our main doctor will." I expressed to her that I desired to have a woman of color as my OB. She explained to me that this particular OB was not, and that she was not sure if this doctor was "up to date" on pregnancy complications specific to Black women. (That sure made me feel better.)

When I went to that next appointment, I knew this doctor was not the one for me. She rushed through every single appointment, prescribed me medicine with very little explanation, and did not ever address my concerns. NEXT. I had two additional OBs perform the same exact way as the first. When I moved to my next OB, she took me off of the medications the first doctor put me on, as I did not exhibit any issues that warranted their use. This OB also finally caught my iron deficiency! This is important because my first OB blatantly ignored my incredibly low iron, which had been dropping since the beginning of my pregnancy. I was in my second trimester when I finally got what I needed. (Thankfully, I questioned every single thing.)

When we got around to discussing my birth plan this particular doctor kept asking about "what if" scenarios in which I would not do what I committed to and do what she wants me to. She also did not commute to the hospital we were moving to.

Then I met my final OB She was a true God send. Not a woman of color, but an all around good ass doctor. I was in my third trimester and I wasn't fucking around. I knew what I wanted. I went in told her my history and what I wanted, she was on board. My birth plan consisted of:

For the hospital staff:

For all communication, staff to refer to Dad not mom (especially while laboring)

No IV, I will take a port just in case.

No constant fetal monitoring I ****refuse to wear that band on my belly they will have to use a doppler.** I don’t give a shit about their “20 minute rule”

No cervical exams

No Pitocin *Do not offer*

No Epidural *Do not offer*

No laboring on back

No Episiotomy

No Resident Doctors *DO NOT OFFER*

No C-Section because I’m not dilating “quickly enough”

After Labor:

I will take a shot of Pitocin to help my uterus contract and stop possible hemorrhage

Will breast feed immediately after birth

Golden hour with baby at arrival

Delayed Cord Clamping until it stops pulsing

No bath for baby, rub vernix in please

No eye serum for baby eyes

No Nursery for baby

Dad to accompany baby if baby has to leave the room for ANYTHING.

Would like to go home as soon as possible.

I had been preparing for this moment! When I tell you, I was having prodromal labor and was literally 3 cm dilated for a week! However, my contractions just were not strong enough to kick-start labor. I was a few days past my due date, and after a week of no sleep, my husband and I packed up the car and went to the hospital because my contractions were feeling strong, close together, and had been happening all day.

Tell me why when we got to the hospital, they stopped. Lol. Being that I was 40 weeks and some change, they kept me overnight to monitor my progress. The doctor on shift said I could induce, and he would do it how I'd like, and the nurse also was fully on board. My husband and I were so excited because my OB was out SICK. The morning came, and still no progress. So, I agreed to start induction, but then the shift change happened.

Ugh, I regret to inform you that the struggle begins HERE. My new nurse and doctor came to introduce themselves and begin my induction; I also repeated my birth plan to them. To be honest, I saw red flags here, but my husband had my back so I went on. To be induced, this doctor told me I had to do Pitocin. I had done my research and knew of other successful births where women started with Pit and processed nicely, so the doctor stopped the drip and let the body do what it is supposed to do. When I requested it, she immediately shot it down and told me that "We don't want you to stop progressing, so we have to do Pit the entire time." Me: Okay, sure. I also let her know I wanted a birthing tub; THEY APPARENTLY DIDN'T HAVE LINERS, so I wanted to be in the shower.

Being as I was going for a natural birth, water was a huge pain management tactic that honestly was better than anything to me at the time. They only allowed me 15 minutes in the shower because of my IV and Pit. I was pissed. By noon, I was at 7 cm and again requested to be left alone and to be taken off my Pit. I was told no this is how the doctor wants to do... LOL red flag #2!!!! Here I am 3 hours into induction, and I'm at 7 cm, and clearly, I have a favorable cervix; at this point, I knew they were simply rushing me. When the doctor found out I was 7cm, she immediately told the nurse to have my water broken to "stay on schedule." I was actually doing just fine because at that time, I was in the shower managing my pain, and it was going great! I declined having my water broken, and the nurse started yelling at my husband and me that we HAD to do what the doctor required. I persisted in rejecting having my water broken because it acts as a cushion, therefore your contractions are not as bad.

Now, if anyone knows myself or my husband, you'll know we did not take well to the nurse raising her voice at us. I definitely checked her ass and let her know real quick what she WILL NOT be doing, which is disrespecting us. My Husband, on the other hand, also let her know if I did not want something, then that's that because he also did not stand for the peer pressure of this event.

Well, when the doctor got word of my husband and me being difficult, she came to the room to essentially try to bulldoze us into doing what she wanted. She threatened to send me home for the first time in the journey of birthing my baby

Can you believe that!? I'm 7 cm AND this bitch had the GALL to try to send us home because I wanted my water to break naturally. Red flag #3. So then they send a Black nurse in, and have her talk to me. She says to me, "I have to have my water broken because we don't want my labor to stall." The doctor knew how badly I did not want a C-section, so she used this as her weapon every time to override my desires.

I let them break my water and I tried the nitrogen for pain because they no longer let me get in the shower. I began to vomit profusely and declined the nitrogen. Side note: when I checked in, I was on a Bluetooth fetal monitor (it was great). However, the new doctor was not a fan of those and made the nurse switch me to the traditional monitors. The restriction on my belly was so uncomfortable. I told them repeatedly I wanted the Bluetooth monitor back, but the nurse refused to switch me.

Well, when I started vomiting, I just took the damn thing off because I couldn't take it. By then, I was on my 20th fucking cervical check. I swear to God they checked my cervix every 20-30 minutes when I specifically asked for none or very few. I was so uncomfortable from the outside stimulation. I was exhausted and becoming extremely irritated.

I demanded the head nurse come in, and I also made it very clear I wanted nothing to do with my current nurse. I know it's not exactly her fault that I had to do all of these things, but she was awful and was actively disregarding my feelings as a patient.

I ended up getting the epidural because they took everything I had honestly. I was advocating for myself while laboring all day long. It was about 5-6 pm, and I was at 9 cm!!!!!!! Hallelujah! I'm almost at the finish line lol. Then things take a turn...

First, I found out I have a high pain tolerance, and the epidural did not work for me. I could literally still walk! Granted, my legs felt heavy, but I needed zero assistance moving around. Second, the epidural also made me vomit profusely. (We're havin' a good time.) Third, my doctor was absolutely not my friend.

At 9 cm, I was low-key chillin. Breathing through my contractions, waiting for the big 10! But when the doctor walked in, she had plans to leave the hospital at 7 pm and wanted me to give birth before then. So she proceeds to start setting up the room for the baby's arrival... I was actively confused because the last I heard, I was 9 cm. She put my legs in the stirrups and said, "You're at 9 cm, but I think you can push to a 10." I was surprised but complied. I pushed for an hour and had zero progress. She took off her gloves and said she would be back in a few hours. If I wasn't at 10 cm, I would be looking at a C-section.

I found my voice again after the doctor mentioned a C-section. I told her no way. She left. Then the shift change happened, and I was so relieved I was getting a new nurse! I was ecstatic when I saw that she was a woman of color. She's the true hero of the story!!!! This nurse came into this setting to a tired, fed-up, irate momma. She had no clue why I was so upset and was resisting EVERYTHING. I kept taking the fetal monitor off because the doctor wouldn't switch me back to bluetooth, I said no to cervical exams, I kept getting on all fours in my bed to manage my pain ( that is a huge no no with an epidural because you're not suppose to be able to do that). Long story short, she had her hands full.

The doctor came back, and she had an attitude because I was being defiant, but at that point, she had lost all of my trust. She started talking to me real stern about how if I didn't progress, I would have to get a C-section. I said no. She asked to check my cervix, I said sure. She checked it and said that I HAD REGRESSED! She said it felt like my cervix had closed some and that the hospital that I was at did not have the proper care for in the event my cervix torn! I was like, what!? This was the first I heard that I had somehow regressed. She said we are now at the point where I really need to be considering a C-section. I looked at my husband, my nurse, my mother-in-law, then the doctor.

Tears started to swell in my eyes (and I'm not a crier). I was so angry! That was the third time she mentioned a C-section!!!!!! I took a deep breath and said to her, "I will not agree to a C-section. Period." she said, "Not even if your baby is in danger and could die!? I'll be sure to notate that in your file." My husband started to intervene, but I cut her off and told her, "You have not listened nor honored ANY of my requests since I got here. You have done nothing but force me to follow your stupid protocol only to try and give me a C-section because I'm not moving along the way you want me to!? This is my FIRST labor! I know for a fact most first-time labors are well over 24 hours, and I haven't even been here for 24 hours!!!!!!!!!!!! Since you got here, all you've been trying to do is rush my labor!? Are you doing this because I am African American!? I refuse to get a C-section recommended by you because I do not trust you! I trust my nurse to birth my baby more than I trust you. You are asking me to commit to major surgery for no real valid reason! So you can get out, and I will make my decisions in the morning with MY doctor. (My doctor was coming; she was finally better). I also let her know I was no longer doing any of what she requested. I told her I am having my baby vaginally, and I was going to do it my way.

The doctor, the nurse, and my husband were all silent. The doctor then apologized that I had felt that way and that I could do what I needed and wait until the morning if I wanted to. Looking back, it's crazy to me that I went through all of that in a matter of hours! Fighting for myself had finally paid off! The doctor left, and the nurse stayed by my side. What I didn't know is she had taken note of everything I said to the doctor. She became a lot more patient with me after she realized what I had been dealing with all day.

I finally got the chance to sleep. The nurse came and woke me up and asked about a cervical exam. I agreed. She said I was still a 9 but I had effaced more. The only issue is my baby was yet low enough! I pulled up my digital doula and watched a video on what I could do. I immediately started rocking on all fours, getting in a squat, deep belly breathes, all the things! lol I FINALLY MADE IT TO 10!!!! From doing it, MY WAY. I was so proud, and it was a huge fuck you to the doctor because she truly did not believe I was pushing this baby out!

I pushed for 3 hours with JUST MY NURSE y'all lol THREE! It didn't feel like 3, though lol. I felt much shorter! She was the best! She said she was not leaving until she saw me give birth! She called all the doctor and several other nurses in because it's showtime! When the doctor gets there (still not my doctor), she checks my cervix and says I'm a 9 still from her check. Then the nurse checks me again and says I feel a 10. My husband and I are perplexed, and I'm beginning to feel irate once more. Before I can even say anything, my husband, being the smartass he is, says,

"Okay, so you think my wife is at a 9, and you say she's at 10. So which one is it?" The doctor, of course, thinks she's right, and we all know what's on her janky ass mind. She leaves the room for a moment, and my husband said to the nurse, "Look, I know she's your boss or whatever, but do you agree?" and the nurse said, "She's not my boss, and I stand by what I said. I think she's at a 10."

My husband then said, "Then we need to get somebody else in here."

The head nurse walks into my room, checks my cervix, and says, "Yep, that's a 10." YA GIRL WAS READY TO PUSH, but also side-eyeing the shit out of the doctor. I was pushing and pushing and pushing, then finally, the doctor said I had to get cut to get my little's head out. I agreed to it, and my baby came right on out. SAFELY. HEALTHY. BEAUTIFUL. BABY GIRL. Everyone, except myself and my husband, was surprised I had given birth vaginally!

Nothing else mattered to me anymore. I was so happy that my baby girl was here, that the experience I just had melted away. I won't be going to a hospital again for my next, that's for sure!

One thing I think all women should keep in mind is to question EVERYTHING. Learn about your body, your baby, and about childbirth! I told myself every day that my body was made to do this! I watched a video of a woman who birthed a 10-pound baby folded in half like a lawn chair come out ass first! NATURALLY! Hell yeah, I can do this! My only fear was my life and my daughter's life being in careless hands!

Lastly,

I would like to add that I had an awful experience and it could have been much worse if I didn't advocate for myself. I urge every expecting momma to get a doula! It is worth the expense.

That's all.

Sincerely Bré