Outside time

Ugh, really it's that time to set the clocks forward again? What will I do with the extra time? Ha. In reflection I realized that this time change sparked a change within me, of course, the outside world is also sending clues, there are the crisp narrow green strands of the underground buds popping out into the cold nights, and someday soon there will be bright yellow stems trumpeting hello. The days getting longer as if to invite afternoon adventures. It is as if all this wintertime, all this cozing up has allowed a dream to germinate, a new project or way of being might be feeling brave enough to pop its head out as well.

This spring, I am planning to not only clear out my closet, but I am wanting to increase my outside time. Let me be clear, it's not just outside time, but also no technology while I am there. I can't explain it but I am aware that something inside me responds to the gentlest of breezes, and the sun warming my face. There is an innate wisdom that brings comfort in a way that words can not really describe. Like a good workout, or a clean closet, I find after being outside, I just feel good.

I live in a neighborhood with street lamps, and cars, and many houses. Every direction I turn I see man-made structures, and though getting away and exploring in the great wide open sounds even more desirable. I do not have the time to do that every day. I want to succeed at this, I want to create a rhythm that will stick with me. I am committing to going outside every day, rain or shine, for 15 minutes, without technology or anything in my ears. I am trying not to be too rigid about what I do out there, rather just the act of getting out. I am the type of person who can easily talk myself out of going, blaming it on things like, how long it takes to put my jacket on, or I don't want to talk to the neighbor, or I have work to do. So in this way, sitting on my porch can count, and I feel like I am a little bit in battle with the voice inside my head, even though I know that going outside every day is: 1. Not that big of a deal and 2. Will help me to shift my focus.

I daydream about how being outside will help my mental health. Maybe the wind blowing through the neighbor's row of poplar trees will help me also blow off steam, or the self-criticism I can fall into. The budding of the petunias down near the bank of mailboxes will somehow remind me there is budding available inside my mind and creative projects, and the effort of breathing as I make my way up the hill can remind me that sometimes the effort is fun, and maybe even that I am capable. I am hopeful that getting outside will help me just be more relaxed, more able to let go of the running narrative inside my head, especially the ones about comparing myself to others, or not being productive enough.

I am setting up a little "station" by the front door, a place where I can change my shoes and hang my scarf. A place that is not in a closet, so that I can see it from the kitchen table, where I am working these days so that I can use it to remind myself, and maybe even build trust. To practice doing what I said I want to do, although if I am honest, I also hope it doesn't backfire and I beat myself up over it. I am hopeful that I will be kind to myself about this. Who knows maybe I will try to use a reward like a new pair of walking shoes or a camera as a bribe to encourage myself that I can do this. Deep down I am hoping that the reward will be in keeping my word, in feeling a connection to what is happening outside of the internet and my home.

I will also clear the closet and do a deep clean room by room in the house because it seems that is what I do every year, and I actually like it. I like the way it feels to know what is there, and everything having a place. I feel less cluttered in my mind. And this going outside business feels like a big opening, and one I will do my best to succeed with. I will keep you posted.