2020 had shown me that our way of living could be controlled if not eliminated; within a matter of days, a virus that swept the nation began to unravel our day-to-day lives. I began working from home in February of 2020, and at the time, I was living with my parents in a small three-bedroom home with my fiancé and three-year-old son. Working from home did not take long before I was drowning insanity and seemed as if I was pulling my parents down with me. April, my fiancé and I took the jump to move out on our own just sooner than later; we looked at over ten places, and all of them took too long to get back, or we did not qualify a then on April 1st, I called on the last apartment an said we have the money for the deposit I don't want to see it in person the virtual viewing is fine. We got approved by April 2nd and then moved in by the 4th. It was our first home, and it was a breath of fresh air being able to have a place for our own little family. In the midst of the pandemic and craziness, we did it. The pandemic had given us that push we needed, and then it hit me that why is it that it has to take something extreme to make us really make such drastic changes. Really make us thinking our way of life and living, and it is because of our urge to change our situation, which in reality, at the end of the day, brings us optimism during the darkest days.
I can not count how many times optimism has been brought to my attention after every trial and tribulation if we could realize the end result of all our troubles turns out to be optimistic gratefulness.
August 18th of 2020, my fiancé had surprised me by taking me to Miami and then Orlando for my birthday. It was something I never experienced before, and I never wanted to leave. I was considering for us to move out there and still from time to time think about it. When it was time for us to hop back on our flight, it was chaos. I kept my laptop bag with me over my shoulder, and then my fiancé had to end up carrying a trash bag of some of our other belongings due to the bag weighing too much. My phone was dead, and while my fiancé was using the bathroom, we just so happened to miss our flight. We had never been in such a situation. I immediately was frantic because we did not have enough money to stay till another flight could take us back to Colorado because they said it wouldn't be for a couple of days. I hopped on my laptop that thankfully got a charge and exhausted my search engine with every flight booking agency I could, and then my Orbitz membership saved us. I booked the next flight at 6 am the next day and a hotel for the night down the street. This dilemma we experienced brought light to my ability once again to conquer what needs to get done to fix the situation to be back in a calm mindset of going home. We began to experience a storm rolling into Miami for that last night we had to stay, and it made me change my view of wanting to live there as well, for I am terrified of hurricanes. The event astounds me looking back at how that discrepancy altered my way of thinking within just that moment to once again come back to the optimism that arises shortly after.
August 24th, 2020 was supposed to be the day I got married, but due to the pandemic, it postponed it till August 28th, 2021; it flew by, though with me being in college to working full-time and keeping up with my son's needs. At first, it was very unfortunate, but as time went on, I began to realize how happy I had it at a later time. A lot of things changed we discovered who our real friends were and reliable family to saving money by doing a lot of our wedding DIY and finding the resources we need to have a successful wedding for only 5,000 rather than the 10,000 we were expecting back in 2020. I was able to reconnect with a family member who became my Matron of Honor instead of my Fiancés sister, who I had nothing in common with and did not know anything about me or my past. I was glad I made the switch, and so was my fiancé because he was able to have his sister as his best woman since all his choices had to bail on him due to their own issues that were going on back where he was from in California. During this time, my fiancé and I grew a lot stronger together and even took premarital counseling, so we were able to have our wedding at our church, unlike how we thought outside at a barn. It is crazy how sometimes during the biggest changes at the moment, we can feel agony all the bad till when it's close to being all said and done or halfway through the wait and realize it was meant for the better and the result of it brought more greatness than the bad we were thinking of at the moment. Once again, optimism was playing a part in my life shortly after my last dilemma when we went on our vacation.
Optimism is not noticed in our lives enough, and when it is, I think it's easy to get distracted by all the negativity again with so much going in throughout our day today. The most recent trial I experienced was losing a pregnancy shortly after I had surprised and announced it to my husband. I went from on a Tuesday evening being excited and full of joy to a Thursday absolutely miserable; from being in and out of the ER to getting my blood drawn every day and not getting any clear answers, my brain was exhausted and overwhelmed with cortisol a depression. I lost the pregnancy that following Monday my family was devastated, and I began falling into a dark realm of loss. Wednesday, I began getting back into what I enjoyed most, and that was writing, cleaning, and some art. After not working for five days, I began to realize it was getting harder for me wanting to actually go into work, though. Thursday, I pushed myself and just came into work, and I was glad I did because my team, who truly did care and even explained work, will always be here that they did not expect me to come in. I began to really acknowledge their true sincerity, something that honestly I don't believe I would have been able to witness if something like what I went through had happened. This post is not meant to be about the loss of my pregnancy, so I will get back to the topic by closing with this for thought.
Despite everything I went through within such a short time there optimism was again knocking on the door. Now I am more self-aware of my health and paying attention to my stress also thankful that the loss did not disable me from having kids. The reality of it was it was not expected, and sometimes the unexpected can either go in our favor or not. If we look at life as what we have someone else wishes they did we learn little by little to see the light in all the mayhem.
The tolls I took mentally through the beginning to end of every trial in my life besides these ones I mentioned have provided me endurance. When I began noticing the light an discovering optimism it began changing my life. As far as my marriage our love has grown stronger through accountability an assurance we wont give up on each other . When we ask the Lord for strength sometimes, he gives us the most challenging trials to be able to earn it. At the end of all trials, it is optimism that comes along just a matter if we want to notice it more than likely when we do, it becomes contagious and reoccurring during the next trial that feels as defeat, but really a blessing in disguise.
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