New Years Eve

It’s 7:15pm and I’m watching the same thing I’ve been watching for the past week, the only difference is today’s date. “I’ll see you next year!” My roommate gave me a hug and said he probably won’t see me until next year. Yup, you guessed it, today is December 31st 2020 the last day of the year. I feel a sadness because I’m afraid that 10 years from now, we’ll forget what happened this year and it will feel like a faded memory.

I can’t shake this year. The Presidency terrified me, everyone was either fighting or crying this year. I told myself that I wouldn’t celebrate a Happy New Year until January 21st, 2021. That’s the day that the new Biden-Harris administration officially takes office. I’m already excited thinking about it! I’ll celebrate on Inauguration Day! Until then, I can’t shake this sadness.

I’ve thought about this over and over again... I can’t make any New Years resolutions but I can think of things I’ve started this year and want to continue on into next year... Those things are: familiarizing myself with nonprofits, following BLM demands, Reform LA Jails, Justice LA and Everyone In. Supporting mental illness advocacy’s and programs. I would like to get a lil frenchie, a black or blue one. There are a lot of things that I want to do like travel to Canada, Australia, The Bahamas, Dominica and Florida to visit the family I’ve been zooming with since July. I also want to go on a road trip, across the country. I would love to go next month in January. I’m tired of being stuck at home, I would rather be out in nature. There are so many places I haven’t been to in-state like Joshua Tree, Yosemite National Park... I’ve never been camping, I want to do all of these things ASAP. My 2 dream destinations are Paris and Hawaii. In 2022, I’ll go to Africa, India and Thailand. These destinations seem like dreams but if I’ve learned anything this year, it’s that it’s the only way to live. If you’re not making your dreams come true, then what are you doing?

I thought I wanted stability this year and I got the opposite. I’m not sure I’ll ever wish for stability again and I’m pretty sure that if I ever do the universe will remind me just as it has this year, that such a thing does not exist. I ended the year with $3 in my back account. I have a check coming sometime next month with three zeros to add to that 3. Who knows what’s happening with the second stimulus check. It comes and it goes. You can’t rely on things being stable, a stable income, a stable job, a stable relationship... Those things are myths. Instability is the only reality because you have very little control over what actually happens to you.

Making the right choices are overrated, sometimes the “right choices” just feel right because they are within reach. Other times the right choices feel right because they are familiar but honestly, trusting your gut in the moment might just be the right choice. Sometimes instincts matter more than anything else and sometimes they’re imperative... My goal is to always think fast on my feet and trust my gut more because I’m capable and I’m enough and I know this because I’m still alive, with a roof over my head. What more could I want after the year I’ve had? The year we’ve all had. Inhale, exhale, repeat.

Challenging myself has become my new hobby. So far I’ve lost the weight that I gained during the first half of the year. I lost it in 4 months time, about 15 lbs. My waist still isn’t as tiny as it was last year but that’s ok, I don’t mind my curves. I’ve tried different jobs this year outside of the norm, since the norm wasn’t open most months of the year... I went from a twosome to solo, had to start cooking for myself again which meant choosing a diet! Learnt new workouts from a Fitbody Bootcamp gym that I joined. I moved into a new place and lucked out with 2 amazing roommates. I love when new people come into my life, it’s a nice feeling. How long they stay is a different story but with every season brings a new reason, right? I think I’m moving towards a life free from attachments... Making commitments to myself in ways I never thought of prior to this year...

It’s amazing how much you have to rely on ingenuity when you run out of options, or rather, when they’re taken away from you. What a year, right? It felt like we were all being punished and refined in the process. I’m going to write an article about things that 2020 taught me. This article is more about what I’ve enjoyed this year. The simple things, since this year didn’t offer a lot of the usual distractions, the mundane, divide your time and attention distractions that keep you away from the more important things... This year forced you to focus and get into alignment with your life’s purpose. If you didn’t know yourself before this year, I hope that you do now. I really like the person I’m becoming.

I’m not even drinking, I’m completely sober and that’s how I want to see 2021 ushered in. No champagne until the night of 20th when Trump is no longer in the White House. I’m drinking water tonight. Somehow I want to remember every minute until then. I’ll end the year in true 2020 Vision, so, so clear. Here’s to a happy and healthy 2021!