My Fresh Start

Twenty-twenty ... what a year! Am I right?

As 2019 was winding down, as most people do, I was gearing up for 2020. I have battled depression for as long as I can remember, and I was beginning to build myself up to rise above it once and for all. I was searching Pinterest for motivating quotes and images and stuff like that. Then along comes COVID-19. Seriously?

Suddenly my focus shifted from overcoming depression to not dying from the Corona virus. I think it was in no small part thanks to my long-term depression and social avoidance tendencies that I am still here to make a fresh start.

I am also beginning to think that the pandemic pause was actually part of a divine plan because opportunities are coming to me that otherwise would not have materialized.

After watching commercials for NOOM for a year I decided to give it a try, and I am having surprising success. The NOOM app has helped me focus and stay motivated to make behavioral changes surrounding my eating habits. Today is day twenty-eight and I've lost fourteen pounds. Granted, I've lost the same fourteen pounds before, probably more than once, but this time I have new knowledge and tools to turn this fourteen-pound loss into twenty-eight and that twenty-eight into fifty-six.

Not long after starting NOOM, an invitation to participate in a FREE virtual Tony Robbins event showed up on my Facebook feed. I clicked on it, watched the introduction video, and registered. Pre-COVID, Tony's workshops would cost some $5000. I'm sure the actual in-person experience was worth every penny, but I was not likely to ever have such resources. Besides, how nice is it to not have to shower and put on pants to cram yourself into a room with over 1000 other people?

This "New World New You Challenge" took my new-found motivation and kicked it up a notch or two, which is a good thing but not as good as it yet will be. As you have probably experienced by now, virtual settings are subject to life's little interruption, so I didn’t catch everything. Fortunately, I can watch parts that I missed and rewatch parts however much I want.

One of the best things I have learned from the workshop is that the state of our emotions equals the quality of our lives and that we can learn to master our emotions. Good news for me because I have a highly sensitive and emotionally reactive nature that has hindered my success in the workplace and enjoyment of life for many years.

Another excellent lesson is the importance of who we think we are. Our thoughts become our reality, so as the saying goes, "Whether you think you can or you think you can't, you are right." We must learn to recognize our thought patterns in order to break through them. We must be honest and truthful - see things as they are but not worse than they are. Then we must see (envision) them better than they are. Finally, we must make them the way we envision them to be.

So, having thought of myself as not good enough, too fat to be loved, too sensitive and vulnerable to survive in Corporate America, etc., it’s time to change my self-narrative. I am always good enough, and never too much. I am loveable no matter what the scale says. And I am becoming healthy enough to return to the workforce and hold my own with the As & Bs (A-holes and Bishes) who have made work life a living hell for me until now.

I am continuing to learn and grow and I hope I have inspired you to do the same.