My Attempt at Being Consistent

I have always wanted to wake up at 6am, do some morning yoga, maybe go jogging, or even for a light walk, shower, eat breakfast, then start my day. Who knows, maybe I can even read a chapter of my book before the actual day begins. Get up with the sunrise, settle down when the sun sets and relax. Eat breakfast before noon, so I can eat lunch at noon, and dinner in the evening time. Go to bed around 10, get my full nights sleep in before I have to wake up the next morning. That sounds nice, a whole three meals per day with snacks?! A perfect amount of hours at night? Sounds pretty normal to me. Sadly, this is not my life.

I wake up around 2-3 in the afternoon. I go to bed around 5am, sometimes earlier, but never before midnight. Since I don't wake up until the afternoon, I miss breakfast. Which, isn't breakfast the most important meal of the day? If I eat breakfast in the afternoon, then, isn't it lunch? But then if my breakfast is my lunch, what is my dinner? Is my dinner still dinner if it's at midnight, or is it just a late night snack? Life is so confusing.

Breakfast...eggs, veggie bacon, fruit, smoothies, toast.

Lunch...sandwich, pasta, pizza...anything delicious, but not too heavy.

Dinner...stir fry, eggplant parm...man, I'm starving.

Yet, when you wake up late...and miss "breakfast" I still crave eggs and stuff, so I eat breakfast for my lunch. Then I never get lunch, cause then it is dinner time. Missing breakfast messes up my entire day. Getting 5 hours of daytime rather than 8 or 9, messes up my entire day.

Then, how can one be consistent if the day starts off inconsistent?

But, is it really inconsistent if this is a consistent thing?

What makes something consistent? What makes it inconsistent?

Consistency is something like a routine, something someone does every day, all the type, multiple times a day.

"I'm pretty consistent when it comes to brushing my teeth twice a day."

Simple, right? I can do that. Wake up, no matter what time, and brush my teeth. Before I go to bed, I brush my teeth. Got that done, there is some consistency in my life right there. But...that is about it. Literally, that is it.

The world seems so normal to me, and they make being consistent look easy. Without a job to go too, or a time to get up for school, without events to go too, parties to attend, or anyone to meet up with, I have no need to get up at a certain time. I have days that I attend therapy, 3 days a week. Different times, two therapists, both phone/video calls. It is not unlikely for me to miss one or two a week, due to me sleeping too late. I keep trying to fix my sleep schedule...thinking, maybe if I made my therapy appointments earlier, I would have to wake up earlier. But no...I sleep through them and literally have no care in the world that I missed them. I need my sleep.

So, how does one learn consistency? Do we keep trying until we reach our perception on what we define normal as?

I always feed my cats their two meals a day. I never go a full day without eating. I always sleep for at least 2 hours a night. I always brush my teeth twice a day. I always submit my school assignments on time. I always aim for a 95 or higher on every assignment I had in. I shower at least 3 times a week...okay, maybe 2. Which, isn't as gross as it sounds. I don't do anything to cause sweat, I don't touch anything gross, I always wash my hands and rinse off my face...so, I don't really get dirty as quick as most people may think. Also, my depression wins sometimes and my thoughts are just really mean when I am alone in the shower for too long.

So, there, consistency. But, that is not NORMAL consistency. Because I don't work, I don't feel as though I will ever reach my perception of normal.

But...then I realized, this might just be MY normal.

My fiance, Dee, told me the other day that it is okay to be a night owl. It is okay to just be more creative and awake at night, it is just how some people are. That really spoke to me. Like, yeah, your right, why force myself to go to bed like a normal person? People have to sleep at 9, because they work at 5am. I don't work...(due to mental health reasons, at the moment).

So, if I stay awake until 5am, writing, playing video games, editing my photography, scheduling shoots, and watching Netflix, whatever, right? Who is it hurting? I get my things done on time. So, is that consistency? Do I qualify?

My consistency is inconsistency. Wow, I wrote the word so much I am forgetting how to spell it right the first time! My normal, is not your normal. Your normal, is not my normal. Yet...I CRAVE to be the same? Ew, why? People strive to be different. So...be different! Wake up at whatever time you wake up. Go to bed when you are actually tired. Eat what you want when you wake up. Eat 3 meals a day, at whatever time you eat those meals. Who cares? Only you.

Only you care.

I care. So, I guess, I am okay with my inconsistency being my only consistency. No harm no foul right?