Moments of Joy

Moments of Joy

Sometimes all it takes is one moment to spark a passion like an inferno for the rest of someone's life. Other times that one moment is a small ember that is just there and slowly grows until more fuel is, one small passion sparking into a new one and setting off the fire of desire to expand upon that creativity until there are only opportunities in front of you. Just like a fire, that if you don’t tend to it, it might burn out.

I had always loved dressing up as a child, but soon got older and drifted away from it. Then I learned about cosplay in high school. . Cosplay is the hobby of dressing up as a character from a show, movie, book, or any other media content. Preparing to cosplay can range from crafting props, sewing outfits, creating special effects technology, acting, wig styling, stage performing, or just simply wearing a premade costume. I thought it was a cool idea and tried a few simple outfits. Originally it was just a fun thing to do at festivals and conventions. Then I started trying to be more creative with them. One of the costumes I started branching out with was Joy from the Pixar movie Inside Out. I used a thrifted dress with fabric paint carefully brushed across it to replicate all the lines and flowers. ‘Memories’ , a prop from the movie, were small cheap balls. This was also my very first attempt at sewing a bag to mimic the one carried by the character. It was fun and simple, but a lot of time was put into it. I attended a convention with several friends and didn’t think I would get any attention. Surprisingly a few people asked me for pictures, but the most important moment in my spark of creativity was about to happen.

From across a massive room, I could hear her. A small girl, maybe only 8 years old, screamed out “JOY!”. I turned around and there she was barreling at me at full speed, weaving through the legs of adults with her aunt trying to keep up with her. I immediately kneeled and smiled, knowing that for this little girl; I was in fact Joy from the movie. She was so excited and just kept asking question after question. I did my best to mimic the character's voice and answer everything I could to make her happy. Her aunt asked me if she could take a picture of the little girl and me and I happily obliged. This little girl skipped away looking as happy as could be. I continued my weekend thinking it was just a cute interaction.

Several days after the event had ended, the aunt had posted on the event’s page. She had made a post looking to thank me, but she didn’t know who I was. It was her niece’s very first convention and she was terrified of all of the other cosplayers. This little girl hadn’t recognized a single costume, but as soon as she saw me from across that massive room she was no longer scared. To this little girl, I became a beacon of safety and happiness in such a strange and scary place. Her aunt went on to talk about how because I pretended to be Joy for this small child, she stopped being scared the rest of the day. She knew that Joy was there, so she knew it couldn’t be bad. Her niece then spent the rest of the week rewatching Inside Out and telling everyone she came into contact with that she met Joy. This post touched me, it showed me that something so simple could become a moment of happiness and wonder for a child.

I decided that I adored that moment, something so simple but no one could ever put a cost on the smile I saw. I dedicated myself to learning more about sewing, prop making, and wig styling. I wanted to create costumes that were as spectacular as the ones seen at Disneyworld. I wanted to bring this smile to anyone who needed it.

My first steps in learning how to sew were just diving in headfirst. I had little experience and only a class about sewing Christmas ornaments under my belt. With determination and stubborn will. I started my first big project, a color-changing dress of Aurora from the Disney movie Sleeping Beauty. I had no experience with brocades or sewing outfits. This was only the third garment I was trying to create. With what little knowledge I had and the internet at my back I started. I learned how to use garment patterns. A combination of iron-on adhesive and pinking shears helped prevent the massive amount of fraying that happens with brocade. I created two dresses and sewed them together so that with a twirl and some handwork the entire dress would switch from pink to blue. This didn’t go as smoothly as I had hoped at first, but it was a start. I counted the hours I spent on it by adding up the TV show marathons going on in the background, approximately 120 hours. My poor old sewing machine held through the entire way but about 50 broken needles paid the price. It wasn’t a fairy tale dream dress, but I was proud of it. I was even prouder of it after walking through a park at a small music festival, and saw that children and adults were excited to see me.

But I learned many things from the faults in this dress. I didn’t even know that lining on garments was needed. The bodice of the dress wasn’t well fitted and had no structure. The fabric I used for the sleeves was completely wrong. The color change took a while and wasn’t smooth or mystical. I knew that I could do better. After a year of planning and practicing on simpler cosplays, I took it apart and remade it so that within just seconds I could twirl and change colors. I remade the bodice using French seams to reduce the bulk of the seams on the bodice and used stretch velvet for the sleeves so they would be form-fitting. I used cotton for the bodice lining this time. By replacing the pull-away bodice and fold overskirt for the color change with a movable middle piece the dress could change color in seconds rather than a minute. This middle piece would wrap around my right side to reveal a blue dress but wrap around my left side to reveal a pink dress.

I entered this into my first performance competition with a friend being my prince. This was going to be my very first time performing on stage and I was honestly terrified. I wanted it to be perfect; I spent hours making sure to find the right audio clip and editing it to fit into the small time slot we would have to be on the stage. The song was “Once Upon a Dream” by Lana Del Rey from the movie Maleficent. I spent hours sewing together a simpler version of the prince’s costume from Sleeping Beauty. Everything seemed to be going well until 2 weeks before the convention my friend who promised to be my prince backed out. I was devastated. I thought that I wouldn’t be able to compete, as I needed someone else’s help with the way I constructed the dress. It wouldn’t be as magical if I just had someone twirl me and I didn’t have enough time to sew any fairy costumes. Just one week before the convention another friend stepped up and volunteered to be my prince for the performance. She was just the right size to fit into the costume, but we didn’t have any time to practice beforehand. The morning before the performance, in the side hallway of the convention center, we awkwardly waltzed and practiced until we got the hang of it. I will never be able to express just how amazing my friend is. She spent the entire time backstage waiting for our turn helping to calm me down. When it was our turn, we waltzed across the stage twirling from one color to the next then back again. Never missing a beat, we gracefully made our way across the entire stage. We won Best Novice performance. There began my love for stage performance.

During my time reconstructing Aurora, I had also started on Snow White from the Disney movie Snow White and the Seven Dwarves. I didn’t want this costume to be large and extravagant; I wanted it dainty and almost simple but elegant like the character. I carefully chose a yellow lace and satin to use for the skirt along with a thick cotton fabric for the underskirt. For the bodice, I used a deep blue crepe satin, and for the structure of the boning a denim interior with blue cotton to line it. The sleeves needed to puff out and be one of the most detailed portions. With red satin as the base, I hand smocked and beaded red organza for ten hours to be an overlay. I used blue rose jacquard trim to cage it to so that it created the effect of red peeking out with tiny pearl bead detailing. The elastic was encased with a hint of gold fabric and gold lace that gives a small detail that shines through when looked upon closely. I wanted to emphasize Snow White’s story of a pure heart, so I used gold embroidery appliques and iron on adhesive and very carefully added a heart and vines onto the front of the bodice. By carefully trimming all of the excess fabric around the embroidery before applying it, I was able to make the illusion that it was embroidered onto the fabric rather than an applique. For the collar, I cut out clear vinyl and made a lace casing for it to create the effect of the white lace almost floating like a halo. The same organza as the sleeves was used and made into a small bow attached to a headband; and small pearl beads were added to the edges of the folds. This was the very first costume I won the Best Hall Craftsmanship award with and helped me thrive to learn as much as I could about sewing and creating fairytale dresses.

But while I strived to make fairytale dresses, my life took a dark turn. Someone who I thought was a dear friend and whom I trusted dearly turned out to only be using me. Everything was so hectic and it felt as though the rug had been ripped out from under me. I questioned my self-worth for a long time. Then suddenly it just kept getting worse. A family friend had gotten into some trouble. Then my uncle died two days before Christmas. I lost my college scholarship due to a clerical error. I lost my passion and sunk into a depression. It took several months before anything started to seem normal again. I fought for my scholarship back and I got it. I got hired at a local fabric store. I spent my time at work helping other people with their own sewing projects. I learned a lot while I worked there and slowly started to sew again.

The next costume idea fell into my lap when I found a stunning fabric. A soft pale yellow pleated mesh with small dots of glitter throughout. This fabric just drew me into creating Anastasia from the Fox animated movie Anastasia. I was anxious about starting to sew costumes again but knew that this would be the push I needed. I wanted to create a dress that looked like it not came out of the movie but also came out of a dream. I draped the yellow pleated netting over an ivory white crepe satin and lined it with dark gold satin. A total of 18 yards of fabric were used in the skirt so that when it was twirled it would float up in a massive wave of gold and glitter. White crystal organza was used to create billowing sleeves. The most difficult part was the blue bow; it needed to hold its large form while still looking magical. I ended up using pearlescent blue organza and clear vinyl to support the structure. This combination allowed for light to glisten through the bow almost as if it were see-through. The tiara was created using thermoplastic to mimic the shape of the Russian kokoshnik that inspired the movie’s tiara. Multiple layers of different shades of yellow and gold glitter allowed the tiara to glow as it reflected any light that was shown upon it. Individual pearl beads were carefully glued along the top edge to replicate the detailing in the movie. I carefully made small loops of cording and with the use of a buttonhole, I threaded LED lights through. A battery pack was hidden inside and the LED light carefully darted throughout the top layer of satin but under the pleated netting. The dress itself twinkled like magic.

The next step of Anastasia was to take this dress and create a costume that would go over the top of it. I wanted to replicate the movie scene in Anastasia for the song “Once Upon a December” where a lonely orphan girl dances into a dream where she is a princess with a family. The hardest part was designing an overcoat that could hold and hide this massive dress and be quickly removable, while still looking accurate to the movie from scratch. I started with the hat that would be used to hide the tiara. Another first for me, but after several online tutorials and multiple muslin mock-ups I was able to make an almost comically sized hat. But it worked. I used blue suede for the exterior with black pleather for detailing and the brim, and black cotton as lining. The coat was next. The exterior wasn’t very hard but finding out ways to hold up or fasten the dress inside so it wouldn’t show was a challenge. I ended up creating a large interior pocket that spanned the entire bottom of the coat and darted it in only 2 places at the top. This large pocket at the bottom allowed the skirt of the dress to not dip below the coat and to stay hidden until the entire coat was removed. This pocket also prevented the large amount of fabric from creating large bulges, as it only lifted the bottom foot of the skirt. Velcro allowed for solid closure in the front but also for quick smooth removal. All of this helped create what seemed like a fantasy come alive upon the stage. While I may have been a nervous wreck throughout the performance, especially since I almost tripped on stage in front of several hundred people, it wasn’t until it was all said and done that my confidence grew in my creativity. After the performance, multiple people came up to me saying that I brought one of their childhood memories to life and that it was stunning. The judges awarded me with Best Journeyman Performance and Best Journeyman Craftsmanship for Anastasia.

The next dress was another challenge, Cinderella. With both the classic movie, books, and advertisement from Disney using a variety of silvers and blues for the dress I had to research for hours to find clips of the original art for the movie, this dress was the light silver that shimmered lightly of blue. I also wanted to replicate the shimmer that the animators made during her transformation and throughout the movie. I decided that finding the perfect silver might not be within my budget, so I decided to experiment with blue as a base and adding silver into it instead. It took hours of laying different fabrics on top of each other to find a beautiful combination that looked perfect. A light blue satin as the base, pearlescent blue organza for a slight shift in colors to add depth, metallic silver netting to mimic magic crinkling along the fabric, and finally an ice blue chiffon on top to allow all the beautiful color and detail to shine through without being flashy and overbearing. With this much vibrancy in the base of the dress, I knew the poufy swags couldn’t just be draped fabric. So using the same beading and smocking technique I learned for Snow White I got to work. After 55 hours of hand beading and smocking 650 tiny pearl beads onto crystal white organza, I felt as though I had created my childhood dream. Under this beautifully beaded fabric, I used some of the same metallic silver nettings to add a bit of color depth and support the volume of the swags. For the sleeves, I used the same crystal white organza but didn't bead or smock it as I wanted the shape to be a little more defined.

But that wasn’t the end of it; I had to create her shoes. After hours of hunting the internet for clear heeled slippers that would fit me, I found them. Carefully cutting clear holographic vinyl and placing them around the shoe I was able to create the illusion that the shoes themselves were cut out of crystal. This costume was also my first attempt at a petticoat. I attacked this part with 50 yards of tulle and made the mistake of bias taping all of the edges instead of simple hemming. A total of 125 yards of bias tape were used. Thankfully, the internet sells in bulk. I felt like I had created the movie’s image when I finished. Even though I had only won a total of 4 craftsmanship and 2 performance awards at this point my friends encouraged me to enter a rather large competition at the Master's level. About 100 people were competing from Beginner to Master levels. I competed against several professional cosplayers as well, and while I didn’t win Best in Show or Best Master, I was honored to win Best Craftsmanship.

While I had gained confidence in my ability to create costumes, my most daunting creation finally arrived. In late March of 2021, a good friend called me up and had an extremely important question. She asked if I would make her wedding dress for her big day. It was in three weeks. Honestly, I thought I couldn’t do it as I only actually had a two-week window to make it. But my friend needed me. So we got together and I was able to find two different patterns that were both the style she liked that I knew I could Frankenstein together to make her dream dress. A large ivory ballgown with a three-foot train with lace and gold accents. The dress had a square neckline with straps and an empire waistline. The skirt had deep pleats that were darted so the gown fit smoothly from the under bust to the waist that then opened up into a massive skirt.

The dress was mainly an ivory white but the bodice and two panels on either side of the front white panel had lace overlay. A beautiful sage green lining was used underneath to match the colors of the wedding. An embroidered iron-on gold swirl applique trim was used on the seam connecting the bodice to the skirt at the under-bust. This gold applique was then carefully hand-beaded and darted down with small crystal and pearl beads which took 8 hours. The veil was a three-foot by four-foot oval and on the interior and exterior edges, the same gold trim was carefully added on. For the gown to have the proper volume, a hoop skirt was ordered and a large amount of tulle was hand-stitched onto it. These extra layers of tulle helped fill out the dress and prevent the hoops from creating awkward lines in it. An under train of tulle was then created, using bias tape to finish the top and hooks that could be added and removed when needed. This undertrain allowed for a smooth transition of the skirt's train onto the floor and also protected it from any debris on the floor. Inside the skirt, a button and loop system was added so that the train could be pulled up and attached to make socializing and dancing later in the evening easier. I very carefully made this dress with every intention that my dear friend could not only wear it but that she could also pass it down to her future children, I included all salvageable scraps and extra pieces of fabric, thread, beads, and trim in a box so that anyone who wanted to alter it had the extra pieces they might need. I did all of this for no pay, just that she purchase the fabrics. I did it that way because I refused to allow her to walk down that aisle in anything less than her dream dress, even if she didn’t have the money to afford an expensive custom-made wedding gown. My reward was getting to see her walk down the aisle on the happiest day of her life looking like a princess with a smile that no money could buy, just like that little girl finding Joy at her first convention.

These moments were so short compared to a lifetime, but they are what has shaped my life, my passion, and my creativity. I fought against depression and anxiety, struggling with artist’s block and financial restrictions. Every second that made these moments may not have been perfect, from cut fingers, iron burns, to stress, and being overwhelmed. With every hardship I have faced, I wouldn’t change a thing because all of it made me strive to get better, learn more, and too not give up. All of it has helped me become the craftsman I am today.

A special thank you to Yenra Photography for photographing my growth and progress as a cosplayer.