Love to me is having an anchor that holds in the midst of storms

Anchors away

I spent 45 years with my husband and there are multiple things I could say regarding what love means to me. In this article, I will address being anchored together.

When I was 15 and in the 10th grade I was walking down a hallway in school alone. Two older cousins in their 50s who were sisters came to mind because both left ther husbands and returned to their parent's homes but never divorced. I also recalled that my mom and grandma were divorced.

I don't know why but as I walked and pondered these things I said "Lord show me how to have a marriage that lasts for life, until death." I was not dating anyone at that time and wondered why I had said such a thing but these words were the beginning of my being achored. I met my husband in 1976 and we married in 1981.

In 1992 Ray Boltz released a song called The Anchor Holds and many times over the years when life was difficult the words came to mind.

The anchor holds

The anchor holds

Though the ship is battered

The anchor holds

Though the sails are torn I have fallen on my knees

As I faced the raging seas

The anchor holds

In spite of the storm

In spite of many storms in our lives, personal difficulties, and other people telling us we should split up, we did not. Our anchor was rooted in our shared faith in Christ that never wavered no matter what. Our anchor was that he appreciated that he was the only man I had been intimate with and I loved the fact that he chose me when I was a 97-pound virgin.

The anchor was trials that tore other couples apart bound us together. When we were broke we would go through jacket pockets, couch and chair pillows pocketbooks, and wallets. When he made decisions that hurt me he would say he was sorry and I would tell him I loved and forgave him.

When we found 4 or 5 dollars we plotted how to spend it. $2.00 in the gas tank, dollar burgers from Burger King, and potato chips if there was enough left. We would hug and make love because we were thankful to have made it another day until things were better.

The anchor was that we were a team and people could see we were not pretending. There were times we argued and I would not stop pushing his buttons and he would scream "Shut up Cheryl, just shut up." No one could look at us and tell. Others often told us that they could see our love in the way we held hands and sat close to each other in public places. Hospital personnel told us the same.

Don't give up the ship

Another song that helped me was Don't Give up the Ship with the following lyrics.

Shipmates stand together

Don’t give up the ship!

Fair or stormy weather

We won’t give up, we won’t give up the ship;

Friends and pals forever,

It’s a long, long trip.

If you have to take a lickin’

Carry on and quit your kickin’

Don’t give up the ship!

I prayed that my desire would only be for my husband and it was. I only went out at night with him and I never felt I missed anything by not having a girls' night out or running buddies to hang out with. When my husband did not recover from a stroke I cared for him at home until he took his last breath. His brother later told me that he admired my dedication and he had shared with others that I truly loved and cared for his brother.

He told me of a woman who said "I'm glad the sucker is dead" when her husband died. Both my brother-in-law and his wife told me of people who could not and would not take care of their dying spouses and placed them in nursing homes. They seemed amazed at my commitment but to me, it was the anchor holding and another way to express my love.

Anchored down without giving up

An older friend of my spouse came to visit one day and said to me twice "You really honored your marriage vows." "Many wives don't". Our ship was battered, and our sails were torn but the anchor held and we did not give up. We remained together for life till death just as I had asked at 15 in spite of the many storms.

I often wondered why I was so different and did not desire to party without my spouse. I loved to please him and spoil him and I was loyal to him even when he made me so mad I plotted ways to take him out. I never cheated on him and went to bat for him with anyone who came against him.

When he could no longer walk steadily I allowed him to lean on me and we held hands as we went along so I was his anchor. He never walked out on me and I could count on him to be there so he was my anchor.

Fight to save your ship

In hindsight, I realize now my prayer was answered. My decisions that seemed odd to others was God showing me what I needed to do to have a marriage for life until death. Each trial, tribulation, and difficulty was holding down the anchor.

Several women told me I was strong because they could not handle certain things and divorced. I am not strong but I had spiritual, emotional, and physical anchors that helped me hold on to my ship. Love to me is not giving up or giving in when others do because you have an anchor that holds.