There is no secret to a happy marriage

My late husband and I were married in my pastor's home on April 11, 1981, and we did not have a honeymoon. We were married for 40 years and did things differently from what is often recommended. We did not have date nights or leave our 3 children with anyone so we could get away together. We knew how to be discreet and could make love and enjoy ourselves with the children in their rooms without being loud and alerting them to what was going on.

I once asked my husband if he would like me to wear Victoria's Secret clothing. His response was that it would all come off anyway so why waste the money? He was turned on by randomly looking at me in a large tee shirt, a mini skirt, or a tank top that I was wearing and just being me. I was never bored with one man for 4 decades because each romantic encounter was special and on its own merit.

He told me he did not believe in renewing vows because you should have meant them the first time. We simply forgave each other and accepted one another's imperfections. I never once in 40 years kicked my spoue out of the bedroom or told him no. I was happy to give myself to him whenever he wanted me. He never had to cook a full meal during our marriage because I loved cooking for him.

All the things experts and others said would help a marriage or were necessary were the things we did not do. I did not go out on girls' nights, or out of town unless my spouse was with me. I did not party and drink with friends. I believe it's childish for any adult to believe there is a secret or quick fix to anything be it marriage -losing weight- or being successful. Companies market their products because they want to get paid.

My husband and I once went to a church-sponsored marriage seminar weekend because another couple paid for it. The pastor suggested mirrors on the ceiling and edible underwear and truthfully I was embarrassed that my spiritual leader was saying these things. My marriage lasted until my husband died without either one.

I know it sounds good to suggest tips for marriage and sex but each couple has to make their own decisions and there is no one size fits all. Articles across the Internet that offer suggestions on marriage probably go viral. Every couple has to figure out how to navigate with each other. My husband and I went to church together but not all couples go to church and many that do have divorced.

We would hold hands during prayer and our knees would touch. At funerals or at the cemetery he would gently rub my back and I would place my arm inside of his. This was our personal way of connecting but everyone may not desire to do this so I don't suggest it-I tell it as part of my story. We dressed alike for 45 years from the time we met but I can't tell other couples to dress alike because that may not be their style.

Hollywood made marriage seem boring and undesirable. A writer for the television show Friends recently said someone on the set asked if she ever fell asleep during sex and when she said no he remarked that she must not be married. What a disgusting thing to say.

On the television show A Million Little Things there was an older African American couple and I never saw them shown being romantic. When the wife died the widower got a girlfriend and was showing off condoms as if to say "I'm getting some now." He was getting some with his wife but unmarried sex is glorified in Hollywood and married love is not. I loved being Mrs. Michael Lynn Preston Sr. and having that name on my checks.

I enjoyed being a wife and enjoyed loving one man for four decades until he died. There was no secret- we loved one another and decided to honor our vows of in sickness and in health-for richer for poorer-for better or worse till death and we had it all. don't believe the hype and run from clickbait headlines because no two people or two marriages are the same. There is no magic bullet. There is no one thing that I or any other married person can tell you because you and your spouse need to do it your way. Keep this in mind when you see the headlines promising to spice up your marriage.