Love Is Part Xl

Black Luv Edition

By LOVE IS SERIES . 🌹Published 3 months ago • Updated 2 months ago • 22 min read

🎵 If I Ruled The World- Nas 🎵

"My mama always used to tell me: 'If you can't find somethin' to live for, you best find somethin' to die for.”

- Tupac Shakur

THE CREATOR

I am an introverted soft person that is still learning to grow through all my struggles and trauma.

My purpose is to share love. No matter who you are and how you treat me, I will always have love for those who need or don’t need it but I will not tolerate disrespect.

My childhood. It wasn’t healthy and very dysfunctional. Because of it, I developed mental issues for myself that I’m still trying to grow and be better from. My whole childhood life was spent behind doors and was a secret kept from everyone . It has made me more aware of the abuse and that others are going through the same. I’m not alone.

I bring out black creatives to get creative. I feel like this area doesn’t have many opportunities for black artists for them to venture out, especially starting off fresh. I want to open up more doors for others to get themselves out and share all their creative ideas with the world.

It takes both to make one. It shifted my perspective because I thought everyone was able to give but I was completely wrong. Some people don't even want to try to give love or know that it is true.

What I’ve learned through the trials and tribulations of heartbreak was:

A. Not everyone is meant for you.

B. I am still learning just like the other person and a relationship is meant to be built off of growth and trust. Not one sided tingz.

THE BREAKTHROUGH

Life/responsibilities has taken me away from myself . I was forced to grow up at a young age. I still wish to be a child and be carefree because I never truly had that. I’ve been working since I was 13 to get my own things and now I feel like I’m too independent but it’s too late to ask for help or go back.

Black love growing up for me was showcased as anger. Anger that turned into true hate. I wish I never had to experience that but I did. Seeing how my mother was treated made me scared to venture into love or to even trust somebody in my life. It still hurts knowing that black love can be so impaired but yet still seen as love.

I view black love now as impaired because of social media. Some of the things I viewed hasn’t changed from the past and some have really given me hope that there can be beautiful black love like I imagined.

What I wanted growing up was peace & safety at home. Through most nights, I stayed up later than any child should be, because of my parents arguing. I always wanted a way out because I knew there was a better life than what I experienced. I have finally lived my childhood dreams through modeling , being creative , and working with children.

Children follow the way you act. For myself , I promise to act lovingly so my children won’t grow up viewing the same thing I did. For the next generation, I believe they will speak the truth more than any other generation. Meaning not tolerating bullshit.

I think people will remember me as a kind and thoughtful person. For trying my best at living my life because it took me so much to stay here and keep going at it.

THE MAGICIAN

I’m the goofy girl with a bubbly personality. Always having a good time with my own energy and leveling myself spiritually, mentally, and physically. I’m always focused on self perseverence and growth to live in my truth.

When I share my story with others, I believe it inspires the collective to strive for continuous growth. To always chase your dreams regardless of how big or small it is. Allowing others to do the work within self to attract the things they desire without putting in so much work. I’m a believer of matching frequency and a lot of the times the things we desire don’t match our frequency, that’s where raising your vibration comes into play.

I wanted to be a singer growing up . I didn’t live out my childhood dream because I was not blessed with an angelic voice haha! I also wanted to be an OBGYN and heal black women’s wombs. I’m currently in a place where I still want to teach woc how sacred their bodies are. I’m taking the steps towards becoming a Doula and spiritual practitioner .

My purpose is to help people heal themselves whether that’s with my hands (making them feel and look good) or with my mind and intellect. I love to challenge people to dig deeper within self. I’m a believer that we have the tools to succeed in life and that’s not just physically. I’m talking about mentally and spiritually being aware of self and not drowning in your own delusion. I’m always an advocate for mental health and bettering self.

I don’t allow others to effect me so much, especially the ones who are close to me. Allowing myself to understand that people come and go like seasons and who’s for me will stay and who’s not will go. Learning to not give so much to people who show me they have nothing to offer me or being comfortable in myself to shine and keep going no matter the factors/obstacles are that get in my way. I’m big on principals and treating others the way I want to be treated but I had to realize that everyone doesn’t move like me. Their intentions aren’t the same as mine and some people aren’t truly geniune when it comes to you, some see your shine and want to drain it.

My love has always been pure and genuine no matter what I’ve been through in love. I know I’m here to heal my community but who helps heal the healer? Staying strong and resilient knowing that who’s for me will come in divine timing to show me what true pure love is. This has shifted my perspective a lot. Allowing myself to know that if I see the signs that there’s no longevity, to stop entertaining it because at the end of the day I’m the one who ends up getting hurt every time. Actually standing on my boundaries and not allowing the one I love to keep bulldozing over me because my mind says it’s love. Following my heart everytime and not playing about self because the one who can allow me to bask in my purest self will accept and love me unconditionally. We build each other rather than taking away from one another.

BIG STEPPER

🎵Praise Jah In The Moonlight - YG Marly🎵

I’ve been showing way more gratitude to Yahweh, regardless of where I feel like I’m at presently. “Give thanks and praise to Jah” resonates with me because everyday I wake up, there is a reason to be grateful. The obstacles we go through don’t define us, they build character and strength to keep us going. You either sink or swim when it comes to this and at times we think our back is against the wall but you have to keep fighting because everything isn’t put in place to build us. A lot of the times something is there to break us, but the ones who know their true calling will fight no matter the trials and tribulations. We walk with the creator and with that it shines through us always .

Black love is one of the most beautiful things to see. We know and understand eachothers struggles. Being selfless enough to build each other up and loving eachother unconditionally is worth more than 1 million dollars. Being eachother’s safe space and showing your blood line what that looks like is the most fulfilling thing there is.

I have been blessed to see black love prevail in many different forms amongst my family. Black love is hard and has it’s challenges like any other relationship but the will to continue to love each other unconditionally regardless of the obstacles being faced is the beauty within it. I believe in it 100% and long for it. My kids will be shown what it is to love and respect eachother, putting our problems aside and fixing the issues together.

If my children see healthy love in their home then I believe I can change the narrative on what love is like. Love starts within self though so my main priority is showing my children and the community what it’s like to truly love every aspect of self in order to be able to attract the love that’s meant for them. It will forever start and end with how you feel about self.

I believe people will remember me for my strength and persevering through the challenges I’ve faced. Always enlightening the community on how big self love is and living in your truth. I want to be remembered for exactly that.

THE EXAMPLE

I’m quiet and goofy. I don’t have too much to say these days. Not because I’m shy or anything. Silence has been one of the best things in my life. My mind races so fast because I over think. I was defensive really bad back in the day. So I’m just organizing my thoughts really. When I do speak it tends to be pretty outta pocket but within the context of the conversation.

I tend to dim my own light and fit in where I’m comfortable instead of making room for me. So I “go wit the flow” even if I’m against it mainly in creative settings. When most of the time I know I can contribute good ideas and tips to people to their art from a different perspective as the viewer or participant.

I’m here to allow people to let the person out they keep inside the house. A place of comfort. Only few places you can really be yourself unapologetically. No stress, just come as you are and nothing more. Everyone’s always rushing to be someone. When sometimes you are enough if you’re being real & genuine. Also to show people their worth. Sometimes you have all the attributes but maybe you’re just in the wrong space.

To be real I don’t think I’ve loved someone properly yet. Well platonically yes, I love my friends because they’ve helped me grow in ways I never thought I could even the ones who I don’t speak to as much anymore. Time just drifted us apart but the love is still there. But romantically it’s hard for me. It’s been more lessons through heartbreak that’s taught me to have a softer tone with people. Even carrying a gentle hand. I come off as blunt and cruel. But no one thrives off delusion when it comes to matters of the heart. I just needed to get better with my words honestly & delivery.

I appreciate everyone who has ever hurt my feelings. Showed me my flaws and how to get better at my weaknesses. They provided moments for me to grow and I never rose to the occasion with them. But after that loss it was such a beautiful thing because at the time I was so hard headed, too close to the situation , and stuck on my idea of love that I wasn’t treating them how they needed to be treated just my view of it. Heartbreak has taught me patience , kindness, the ability to really perceive the other’s point of view even if I don’t agree with it. It’s allowed me to kill my ego in relationships. I’m still working on communication. Not that I can’t do it, but to not be so cruel with the truth so the other person can hear what I’m sayin’ instead of provoking their defenses in the process.

Love and heart break has also shifted me in a way that I treat these as moments in time. A book mark , it could last a month or a year . However we see fit. But I know everything has an end date. I’m here for you as you are for me. And whatever agreement we have together I will honor and respect that. But no one owns each other just the moments we have together.

I’m trying to show my family, even my community, to let it go. Everyone is blaming someone for the hurt when in reality you have the control. Say to yourself “ you know what, that’s on me . I shouldn’t have even let it get this far for you to feel comfortable to do something like that to me.” Instead of pointing fingers. We can’t change the event but we change how we respond and what energy we give it. No grudges just a learning experience. You went through it so you know the signs. So from here on out it’s on you to not go through it again.

IM HERE

I wanted to be comedian. Someone who could take the stress away from people’s every day life even just for 5 minutes. I haven’t lived my dream yet I’ve been doin so much soul searching and living. To have things to talk about. Because with out experience I can’t give you my testimony in a funny way. That’s all comedy is, an experience detailed in a funny way. But I’ve been though so much the last years I think I’m on the path of living my dream. Now it’s time to do the work.

I spent so long practicing to become the person I wanted to be. Getting comfortable in my skin. Unlearning bad habits, generational curses etc. Yea, some linger more than others but I don’t have to check myself as much on the sidelines. I’ve learned to do it in the game. Even with my boundaries.

I see a lot of people afraid to take the first step to do stuff that goes against their “image” afraid of branching out and becoming something new. Loosing your old image and reinventing yourself. I hope when ppl see what I do they could say “Shiiiid if Tre can do it why can’t I?” But from a place of inspiration and not hate.

Honestly my feelings have been hurt a lot lately whether it’s good or bad. If it’s good, it don’t last long and if it’s bad it hits hard and fast. But I still wake up tomorrow to do it all over again. And that’s just life. I appreciate it for what it is cause that’s my viewpoint. The only person that can alter it is me. I know people lie, cheat etc., I can’t do much but control how I respond to it. So to carry that burden of someone doing it towards me is not my responsibility and just as it’s a great feeling of being on top of the world we all must come down from the mountain top to breathe a little and relax. So I guess this chapter in my life is “ this too shall pass.” So I just learn from it good or bad.

Given my experience on black love it’s hard to say how I view it. I think it’s misunderstood. It needs a better way of communicating. It’s been tainted by the media of what it’s supposed to be that it needs to be adjusted. But I love it at the same time. For example , an older lady saw me at work and said “ I’m glad you here trying. Cause most these kids just running a muck.” And gave me the best hug I’ve had in a long time. FUCKED MY WHOLE DAY UP. It’s like she doesn’t know me but the thing that ties us together is our skin and communities that we come from. And you went out of your way to tell me good job. Something I rarely hear from the people in my day to day. I even cried a little cause it’s like a little angel saying “ We see you, the work doesn’t go unnoticed.” So to me there’s hope but we need a little adjustment in our delivery.

I can’t change a whole generation. Some people just wanna see the world burn . It’s always going to be that constant battle of good and evil or love and hate. But what I can do is make sure my kids understand what love really is and spread it to the people that need it without losing themselves in the process if they are willing to change.

I got the short end of the stick. In my opinion, you can’t love something that you might have regrets about or have a moment you never fully healed from. Dad was never there. Lied to by my mother constantly but she only did it to protect me. She had her own short -comings. I know that now, being an adult, that she was a kid raising a kid. So I don’t blame her, I just wish she would see me as more than a shit talkin’ son .

I wasn’t really even given a chance to love my mother. We’ve always butted heads. And when times got hard for me I was always met with “ idk figure it out.” No guidance really, only financially like helping with credit that was her way of showing love. Teaching me how to budget and things of that nature but I was a kid. I needed a hug .

I’m grown now . I can’t hold that over her head because she didn’t know any better. My love was met with conditions. Only ever heard good job when it was outside of her understanding. First time was when I won second place for track in high jump. I don’t blame her , she had it rough growing up . Moments in her life caused her to be cold with me. I wish she could have let it go when I was younger . I feel it’s too late now. Nothing really draws me to wanna grow with her.

When I die people will remember that I was goofy and tried my best to make people comfortable. I want people to see me as a place for lost people. When no one else wants you, you can always have a seat at my table. All I ask is for you to respect the people you sit next to. Cause we all on our last screw. You don’t want this muthafucka to get rowdy.

THE TALK OF THE TOWN

Everything about me is Extra . Extraordinary & Extravagant. Still the rich auntie , shout out to Ava . The purpose and the reason.

I’m done playing small. I have discovered that when I release my attatchment and desire to ‘fit in’ , I am able to bust through doors that were actually created for me with opportunities worthwhile and people that actually deserve me. I’ve worked hard to get here. I strive for more on a daily, my foresight is crazy.

I’m socially awkward and strange. I’m always overdressed for the occasion and I don’t really like being around people for too long. I’m not shy either ! Quite the opposite. My social battery just dies out rapidly. I prefer close + intimate 1 on 1 connections and moments. I feel safer in such circumstances. I struggle with having conversations with other people, because I spend so much of my time and life by myself that when it’s time to actually be a human, I honestly forget how to. I always have phases in life where god completely isolates me and takes me on a spin through some otherworldly madness . Then when it’s time to pop back out, I feel like a child trying to re-learn how to be an adult citizen without being able to explain to anyone else what had happened to or within me. I prefer silence and solitude over socializing and surface level chatter.

I’m funny . A lot of people don’t know this about me because I’m always placing myself in professional or authoritative positions when dealing with others so it’s rare that everyone or anyone who meets me gets to see just how playful and free I am. I’m a big kid. My laugh is contagious and my sense of humor is the driest .

I’m not a forgiving lover. Although I am learning how to become one. I don’t think anyone understands how tender I am. How much of a lover girl I am. Under all of this rock solid gangster shit , I am a softhearted gal who cries more than a new born baby. I get hurt and offended easily . I spend a lengthy amount of time reliving, re-examining and re-processing that hurt until I feel it all the way through. I just have to understand the wound fully before I can make peace with it.

I believe that most people don’t grant themselves permission to feel all of their feelings or to process everything they experience in depth because in life you have to keep going. In the black community we behave like there’s no space or time to truly honor and address the depression , pain , anger and frustration within us when there’s so much of it in our bloodline naturally . I’m not just feeling and healing through my own issues. This is a walk with my people. Understand me when I say that. I do it for the whole team.

My perception on love is taking on new form. I’m actually learning about love through friendships and feminine dynamics. I am re-learning how to build healthy dynamics with women. My comfort zone is and has always been with the guys but I’m discovering that life lacks so much luster when you don’t have sistership. I’ve never had long term anything . Homes, lovers , friends have always been such a seasonal thing. I desire close bonds with women. I feel like the love I’m searching for isn’t even with a lover/partner but through supportive friendships with remarkable women that can hold me and appreciate me for who I am because I really do love the girlies. I’m learning how to be a more loving sister that isn’t so distant. Closeness with women has the potential to really change me. I’m finally open to that now.

Im a guiding light. My purpose is to be a gateway for others. I’m an activator and initiator. I’m able to come into the lives of others to help them shift, evolve, transform , heal, elevate and pivot when necessary. I help people remember who they are. I’ve dedicated my life to spiritual growth and evolution by simply choosing to be aware of myself and the experience. Which is just the experience of the collective . We are creating this life together with our hearts , thoughts and e-motions.

Our bodies are gods greatest work and the most intricate machine, we are all separate parts of the same mechanism . I’m simply a reminder of the oneness and the trinity. I am the glitch in the matrix. The veil remover that will help you navigate through your own truth. I am the space holder and the gift giver. I am the blueprint. The people will always know that they are more than capable , because I once was able .

Mind if I lend you some unsolicited advice? Life is too short to wallow in sorrow. Being black is a privilege . Being free is a choice. It’s always a choice to choose to be chosen. The revolution will not be televised, but we live in a day and age where there is true power in our voices. So use it. Speak, love and create until you die. Those bones protruding from ya upper back is what we call scapula’s and they are actually where the structure of your wings are derived. We’re all angels in the shadows, guided by faith not sight. When you feel inclined to call it quits or give up , I pray you find the strength to continue to fight. Live your life .

THE BIG PAYBACK

It’s really my season and I’m coming for everything that’s mine. I’m not gonna lie, I’ve been a bit of a bully and a brat lately. 2023 really taught me some tough lessons that made me tougher. I allowed more than I should have. I discovered a more heightened level of value in boundaries , privacy and self-worth.

Long gone are the days of accepting the bare minimum and mistaking it for a blessing. I want luxury and lavish . Closeness to god and gold karats. I’m receptive to reparations. Living this life is my birthright and I feel my ancestors pushing me to go harder. To live like there’s no tomorrow and to make an impact while doing so.

Black love for me was non-existent growing up. I couldn’t tell you what it looked like first hand. I was uprooted from Kansas City and sent out to Las Vegas. Little Egypt. Little highway to hell. I was extracted from my cousins and family so it was just my mother, father and my brothers. I had to fight. Literally. My dad was a bully . Affection and physical touch is something I never witnessed amongst my parents. They didn’t cuddle or hold hands. They didn’t kiss or caress one another and I honestly never thought anything of it because I didn’t see it amongst the parental figures of my close friends either. I am learning to build a different connection with touch since it was such a tainted form of expression growing up. I want to kiss my homegirls on the cheek when we greet. I want to hold my man’s hand in the car while he’s driving. I want to give black men big hugs when they can’t find anything to say. A simple embrace can take the pain away. I want to make my beloved’s feel safe.

I’m learning how to forgive my brothers. I have 3. My first loves . My first heartbreaks too. It’s odd to say aloud how deeply my connection or lack thereof with my brothers has truly shaped my perspective on love and how I receive it from men. I always wanted a close bond with my boys but they are so cold and distant. They don’t know how to communicate their feelings so MY feelings, emotions , expression and overall existence is always too much or too big for them. I overwhelm them with my love and I never understood how that could be.

I’m learning to forgive them for not knowing how to love me or be on the receiving end of my nurturing side. I forgive my oldest brother for causing so much unnecessary pain in my life and on my heart space .

When I ascend into the ether-land I will become a guardian angel for the warrior souls and tender hearted spirits. I will watch over them and grant them my strength, resilience , wisdom, compassion and mercy. I will be remembered for my brilliant mind and all I was able to do and create with it. The people will remember my voice and the words I’ve spoken to them. They will recollect the seeds I planted by just sharing my story or insight. They’ll talk about my suffering and the amount of pain, sorrow and grief I had to endure just to get to immense joy, gratitude and ultimate peace. They’ll remember that I wore maroon lipstick and that I had a fierce sway in my walk. That there was always truth being expressed when I talk. They’ll remember that I was a righteous woman with some sinister ways. That I made it through my darkest nights, just to bask in happiness throughout my brighter days.

THE SEEKER

I feel all outside expectations or societal influences are truly out the window. I find myself exploring my truest passions, reflecting on my innermost thoughts and engaging in activities that bring me happiness. I am unapologetically and entirely myself.

In my upcoming book ‘The grey Space Between Us’, I write vicariously about some of my hidden traumas. I believe some things are best left unsaid directly.

In the present day, I find myself in a state where I possess a clear understanding of my aspirations, yet tussle with the challenges of producing fruits of my labor. I struggle with patience and effectively articulating my emotions.

I used to want to be a 2D animator for an anime studio. When I was growing up, I was a talented artist. I could draw anything and I spent much of my time drawing comics, animating them by tracing over on the window when the light was just enough to help me. I didn’t live up to my dream in that aspect but I’m still a creative and much of my earlier talents I still use today.

CHAPTER 22: THE GREY SPACE

My purpose is somewhat selfish considering how religiously I am supposed to preach to others. I just want to be free. I want to be who I am without faking it. I know I was put on this Earth to free others but I want to free myself instead.

Black love looked like taking care of business for me growing up. My Dad worked super hard everyday so we could have a great life as a family of nine. I never saw my Mom working a secular job and we always had what we needed. We were well off as a family. I never worried about not having enough of anything. My Dad showed me that black love can be presented in more than just physical form but in the way you conduct yourself and take care of those around you. My Mom always made sure we ate, had clothes, looked put together. Love to me is action based so I show my love by buying gifts for people, feeding them and ensuring they have whatever they need even if I don’t have it.

I’m a hero, I’ve survived my worst (so far), I’m comfortable in my skin, cozy with who I am and I love myself. It doesn’t get any better than that.

At one point, black love seemed unattainable for me when I was growing up because I was the ugly girl that dressed “like a boy”. I got so many nasty comments from black men and other races. I used to be grouped with boys and masculinity which is why I chose to wear a durag and channel my inner “boy”. I was at my worst during those years of having my femininity overlooked. I’m not at my best but I’m at a safe space now and being able to reflect on what made me fear black love in the form of choice of clothing and style is liberating. Standing up to the stigma and having a wonderful black man beside me that tells me I’m beautiful everyday helped restore my faith in black love. It is absolutely reachable. I believe in black love more than ever.

One thing about love is that it’s unconditional, it never fails. I think I would instill in my future family that love doesn’t depend on who someone is or what they choose to do. Love will remain if it’s true. No matter what my children do, I’ll always love them. It’s possible to love someone but not love their actions.

I don’t think about life after death but I would hope I’ve added something of value to everyone I touch. A value that cannot be duplicated nor imitated, that’s my ultimate honor.

THE ARTIST

I am the same person when there’s a million people looking as I am when there’s no one around! I know how to be my authentic self at all times. Fun, happy, goofy yet serious, silent and introverted. It all just depends on my feelings that day or what my energy feels. I do say this, life happens to everybody so never be ashamed to be you. Embrace everything you have to face.

I think my purpose in life is to love and inspire others. To nurture those I encounter, giving them a different outlook or feeling they’ve yet to see. I’m here to shock the world, & do the unpredictable. I’ll also say that I’m here to heal those around as well. They say love heals all wounds, well who’s going to love you better than a Virgo?

I think I’m inspiring to others because I do what I want. I don’t think about judgement foreal, I just please myself. I’m the girl who’s always trying to spread some knowledge, connections, or to uplift and encourage others. There’s very few people who can say they never gained anything after meeting me. My aura itself will impact your life.

Honesty the biggest, most painful wound I am still trying to heal from is grieving death! I feel I have lost my most valuable people, some of my favorite people! Unexpectedly & with each lost, I’ve changed a little bit more because of it. I hate death! Its like you can really go from seeing someone every day, ¾ times a day to never seeing them or hearing their voice again. You can get so used to somebody treating you what you think is perfect! Catering to your every need, nurturing you, and the whole nine to having fear that you’ll never feel that again & it was just taken from you in the blink of an eye. That shit hurts bad. Especially when you lose a partner. Its like, I chose you to be in my life and in the end I’m alone ?

Growing up I wanted to be exactly what I am today! A Model, a ROLEMODEL, & a leader. I’ve always had a passion for fashion and showing off how different I am, but I also dance and I cook a little.

IN CONTROL

🎵Always N Forever- Mariah The Scientist🎵

With my current experience of life, I’m still trying to process this drastic change in my life. I lost my partner a year ago. We were basically the same person in different bodies. I don’t really think anyone will “fit” the same. We’ve been through the most together where it was really just us depending on each other. I’m big on having an actual partnership and he was too!

My perspective on love and heartbreak might be different from most! Heartbreak to me is when you can’t control your feelings. When it comes to love and relationships, I use the word disappointment. Theres a bit of a difference. See becoming widowed, taught me what heartbreak was. I can’t let one who’s still alive and able break me like that, but my emotion to any failed relationship will only be disappointment because you’re still “able to” but chose not to. Just have to remove those who chose not to and replace them with someone who will. I’m going to always be full of genuine love regardless. Can’t nothing turn me sour.

My children will know what real love is, so it wouldn’t be a “change” because that’s all they feel and know. I’ll teach them the signs of love that isn’t real and genuine of course, but they’ll know first hand love started at home and Love was secured there as well.

Black love for me growing up was family dinners on Sundays where all my family got dressed, made their favorite dishes and met up at grandma’s house. Or when my mom would dress me and my siblings, take us out and then go take family pictures and get them blown up for the house. Gifts! Gifts were big too. Somebody was always getting a gift for something, especially me. I was Baby sis so you know everyone loved me. All acts of service was a thing. I love, Love! Especially Black Love!

I know love exists, because I exist. I love all forms of love, and their languages! I’m such a lover girl.

When I die, I just want everyone to remember all the genuine love I’ve shown, and all the things I’ve done for any and everyone around me. I want people to know my heart and still remember things I’ve told them. I don’t speak to be heard, and I want it still be heard even from the next life. Lastly I want people to continue to feel my nurturing energy or that “MOM” energy as my friends would say.

THE MEDIATOR

🎵 I Gotta Find Peace of Mind - Lauryn Hill 🎵

I’m such a shy and conservative person when people are around. It takes time for me to be comfortable as I meet new people. However, when I’m alone I sing at the top of my lungs and dance like no one is watching!

It’s always been hard for me to discuss my feelings with others so throughout life, I’ve always dealt with things on my own. Because of that, I experience a lot of loneliness due to me not wanting to connect with people on an emotional level. It’s a wall built that I have yet to break down. The few times I’ve let my guard down I’ve been deeply hurt so it’s my own way of protecting myself.

When I was little I wanted to be a basketball player and a model. I let go of the basketball idea lol however I’ve had an opportunity to walk in my first fashion show this past month. It was amazing! And I’m excited for this project I was blessed to be apart of and look forward to what else is in store! So I’d say I’m living out my dream as we speak.

I’ve learned that not everyone is deserving of my love , time or energy. I’ve always been a giver. I tend to put all my love in to whoever I’m in a relationship with . I’ve learned there should always be reciprocation in some way, shape or form. If it’s not , then it’s not for me.

THE TIME OF NEW BEGINNINGS

I think my purpose is to be a giver of genuine love to anyone I come into contact with. I always let it be known that no matter what anyone goes through whether it’s family or foe, I’m always a shoulder to lean or cry on. I think having someone you can talk to without fear of judgement is important, so that’s who I strive to be for my family, friends and or acquaintances.

Black love for me always looked like getting together and having a good time. Listening to all the old school R&B jams, line dances and lots of food! Also always sticking together through the hard times. As long as we had each other I knew we’d be alright.

I’m a mother to a four year old boy right now and showing him genuine love day by day has become apart of my routine. Although his Father is not apart of his life, I want to make sure he knows that he is loved regardless. Black people aren’t taught to love themselves. I think it’s important as parents to teach our children how deserving of love we are as a people and I think that will make such a big difference in the long run.

When I die I think the people in my life will remember how much love and care I have for people!

THE RADIANT ONE

I’m a huge lover , so normally I’ll be doing something either for a family member or going out to have a meal with my family just to spend quality time. I also really enjoy volunteering at pet and animal shelters because while helping them it also helps me because I absolutely adore animals and cannot yet have any of my own. Giving food/clothes out to the less fortunate is also a way I like to spread love and lastly I have to remember to give myself love so I also like to treat myself

Spreading love and appreciation is my number one way of communication. I feel like radiating that will bring good to you and also all around just good vibes and that’s what everyone needs everywhere. Help everyone however you can for example volunteering, donating, or just helping family with various tasks. Anything helps and they will appreciate it beyond words so I encourage everyone to do something nice not only for the community but as well as your family.

I fell back in love with myself since the breakup and I really am my own muse for my work and it’s honestly one of the most humbling and fulfilling experience I’ve ever had. Trying to find the muse in someone who doesn’t see your potential you must search within. All the love, creativity, and compassion is within you. Potential In a person can be blinding but you must remember your potential as well.

I just recently had a breakup on Valentine’s Day after almost 4 years together. I had to just walk away and realize I deserve to be treated with respect and love. And since I never got it from that person, I learned that I really need to give that all to myself rather than trying to pour it into someone who’s unappreciative of it. Now I know and understand who I am as a lover and giver. I also learned that I have to steer clear and be weary of the takers.

Heartbreak has taught me how to give myself the love, respect, and validation to myself. I know I only want to do good in this world and for the longest time I was trying to get this person to just see it but I’ve realized people with a drainer or taker mentality will try to unknowingly bring you down. So I always take the time to remind myself of who I am and what I do and how much love I have to give and realize that’s not bad.

I’ve always wanted to be a model so I feel like I’m right where I’m supposed to be fortunately.

THE OVERCOMING

For a long time I felt as though I lost myself and I never knew deeply or truly who I am and what I’m here to do. As I’ve grown older and shed more and more ill influence out of my life, I’ve realized I’m right where I’m supposed to be. It feels like anything is possible again and the sky is the limit for anything and that’s a wonderful feeling to have again. So now I’m here to change the game not only in my life but with my uniqueness and abstract posing. And always of course, spreading unconditional love is the biggest game changer in this world of hate and cancel culture, we need love in this world.

Black love growing up was showcased through self care. Doing my hair, making sure my skin was always in check with shea butter/cocoa butter, and always dressing well. Self care is such a huge part of black culture because we can’t just get out of bed like everyone else. Our hair takes time and patience and nurturing to grow and be healthy and our skin needs moisture and care to glow.

As of right now, my purpose is to build my life and my platform for myself, eventually find love, and have a beautiful family and become a loving mother.

I believe if a child is raised on love, care, and nurturing just like a plant they will flourish and a love like that is infectious. Granted, it comes with drainers and takers who will wanna try to bring you down to make themselves feel better. But stay true to what the main purpose is which is love, fight hate with more love. Kill the evil with kindness.

I think people will remember my sense of humor and my wild energy as well as the fact that I’m such a lover and I love to give and nurture everything in my life.

Black love is powerful. We are bringing unity back into our community and creating space for unconditional love for ourselves and for one another. Black love is one l o v e .