Loud As Thunder

Hello again, it's been a little minute, rather late than never right?

So hopefully everyone is staying safe and COVID free out there in the world. I definitely have, however how is your mental health? Don't be afraid to think about that for a minute because it's important and I've been monitoring mine as well lately. I chose to title this "Utopia" for a specific reason today, and not to mention I was binge watching a show by that name about-....you know what, it's a lot to type so I recommend looking it up on Amazon Prime (if you have it), but it's REALLY good and has some action while maintaining it's fictional qualities. Anyways, back to the M.O., when your thinking in your head, we all have thoughts and mostly pertaining to life. Whether good or bad, we're thinking about it and in the midst we think about how our life is presently or how it could be better ect. So my question to anyone reading this is, what's YOUR Utopia?

My Utopia is very simple. I can't say five years from now where I see myself, but I see my utopia as life being something I can enjoy. Surviving and living at the same time, not through anyone but through ME and all the good experiences life has to offer. How do you know when you've met the right people, how do you know if your going in the right direction, all the questions..truth is, you never truly know, but it's the risks that lead you to greatness at times and that's why we take them! What have you done today or yesterday that's made a difference in your life? Have you changed anything for the present or your future, that's the real question. I'll be the first to tell you it's not easy, at least for someone like me. Let's get into a short story time.

I left recently to finish some business I should have been taken care of, years ago, but never fully had the stability or necessities for the opportunity to truly get my life on track. It truly sucked back then, mostly because no matter what I was going through, life continued to go on with or without me. That's a big reality to accept for all of us I believe. Anyways, as I left recently, I didn't know 100% how things were going to pan out but I just knew it had to be done and took the risk. Now, I did what I needed, but it became bittersweet simply because where I was wasn't set in stone to secure my future ect. I'm still unsure how it's gonna pan out but I'm holding onto hope for an miracle, because life will still go on and nobody wants to be stagnant forever. It's really hard for me, however I still choose to see light at the end of the tunnel because no matter what happens, taking the first step is enough to put things in rotation to happen and hopefully the best. Everyone's life is different, so don't let my situation bring you down but lift you up to still takes risk because you simply never know. Talk to people, research, and just make sure you've done all you can though. A little effort goes a long way!

I feel sometimes I've built and lost myself at the same time with things I've gone through in life while fighting to get myself back. If you know who you are, never forget that. I have as I've mentioned before and it's not a good feeling at all. We all just want to be happy and established when given the chance, I'm simply hoping it's given to me again because I honestly fucked up when I had the opportunity. I don't believe all is lost, but currently the climb has been tough (as it's suppose to be), but god dammit I need a break. Re-wiring my mind is the goal, and I've been reading this book called "Unfuck Yourself" (Get out of your head and into your life) by Gary John Bishop. Although I'm taking some baby steps here and there, it's really good and helps the process. We all have to re-wire our brains for the better. Tell yourself your "wired to win" and acceptance is a part of that. Accepting your life, accepting things you cannot control, and leading with no expectations cause that's what gets us caught up at times. I learned subconsciously, we set ourselves up with expecting things from people and things due to what we do. That's the downfall. Believe me, it's not fun and a complete mind fuck. That's a sure way not to see or build your utopia. Part of building your utopia in this sense, also means that while accepting, don't stay in shitty situations or relationships or whatever else you could have going on that could derail you from the bigger picture and being your best self. I could spill out a lot that I've learned while reading this book, but that's doing a lot. I'll let whoever is reading to see for themselves. However, you can expect some parts here and there because I really want this to be heard. Reading is fundamental, and anything that can benefit our lives for the better is always a good thing. Hopefully I reached someone today. Until next time folks!