LOCKDOWN

TIME FLIES

If you were a teenager in the nineties as I was, you will remember the phones that resembled bricks, dial up internet and video cassettes. It seems so surreal that all of a sudden, we are able to share our lives through social media and video call our loved ones through a thin metal device called an I-Phone which also happens to play music and stream movies. Where did the time go?

Technology has come so far and although I am by no means an avid techy, I can appreciate it’s uses. I am aware some countries are still in lockdown and during the pandemic it has been ever more important to stay connected. Technology despite its faults, does that for us. It is very convenient but I do worry we will get carried away and will end up creating a reality akin to the Terminator. That’s an idea for another story perhaps.

​When it comes to disability, especially visually impairment (something I am afflicted with), technology has broadened the horizons for many of us with sight loss. Many I-phones these days have voice over which reads out everything that is on the touch screen. We have Siri which speaks to us as though we had our own personal secretary (one that seems to be sipping cough syrup under the desk half the time, but still, I digress…) and now I hear they are putting GPS in our white sticks! Whatever next! Technology is convenient, and it is evolving as I believe humanity is especially after we have all been through a pandemic together.

​Personally, I would not be without my lap top so I can write, and my phone for making Tiktoks and my watch to help me keep fit. Whatever did we do before Apple came along? During lockdown, exercise and writing were lifesavers for me. I started writing my first novel and really started to investigate how I could turn my passions into paycheques.

​During lockdown the days seemed to bleed into each other and the only thing besides my books and Tiktok, and my writing of course, that kept me going was talking to my friends and family. I never thought I’d be so grateful to have technology in my life as I did then. The pandemic just completely opened eyes to how we interact in the world. On and offline. I never thought I would go through something so catastrophic in my lifetime. I watched countless amounts of movies and started watching Game of Thrones. Despite talking to people online I was completely alone for months and you have no idea how comforting the TV is! My Nan who is 93 lost my grandad 12 years ago says the TV is her lifeline to the outside world because she can’t get out anymore.

​I have to admit my mental health did suffer during these times but upon leaving lockdown I threw myself into learning about mindfulness because savouring every moment is so important, especially when life throws you COVID shaped curve balls. A lot of the time during lockdown, I lost all sense of time and it was only the sound of my own heart beating that made me realise it was ok. I was still here. Time didn’t matter. For most, including myself, the only time that mattered would be when we were able to emerge from our house shaped cocoons and fly back into our normal lives again. However, I believe there are some parts of normal not worth going back to. We have changed.

Many of us are unaccustomed to spending so much time with ourselves. Loneliness and its associated discomforts no doubt surged among a population use to to a daily dose of social interaction. So please if you know anyone still going through lockdown, check in with them daily. For me, when I ask someone how they are, I mean it from the bottom of my heart. I love talking to people now which still baffles me considering I always identified as an introvert. I wonder how many people like me came out of lockdown changed. Did extroverts realise they preferred being alone? Did introverts discover they were social butterflies? I realised that social interaction is so important for sanity. We are not supposed to be solitary for long periods of time. Do we even need those labels anyway? We are who we are and we are allowed to change.

MINDFULNESS

I feel like lockdown would have forced people to really be with themselves. And some people may have found that they were not ok and used the time for reinvention. We go through life at such a fast pace sometimes, we forget to ask ourselves how we really feel. It’s so important to be mindful about your mental health because emotions are usually the alarm systems that tell us changes need to be made. That being said, there were a lot of people going through the same thing as me; alone, and maybe with less people to talk to. I worried for these people. The friends I have that I knew were on their own, I made a point of checking in with them.

After such a long time with no social interaction I realised that sometimes I came across uncaring about other people’s lives and I vowed to change that part of me, that side of me who wanted only to talk about me and my feelings. I started to consider how other people felt about the things I said, how things impacted them in their life. I wanted to be less self-absorbed. I wanted deeper chats. I wanted soul connection. I wanted to show interest in people.

We spend so much time living in a bubble, concerned with our own problems, our own agenda that we forget our life and our choices impact others too. I strongly recommend you read the five people you meet in heaven by Mitch Albom and you will totally get what I mean. I am a work in progress and lockdown taught me that.

Some people will do anything to avoid being alone. Mostly because they don’t want to deal with their own thoughts and emotions. Most people will have watched Boris Johnson’s speeches covered in a blanket of dread, thinking how much longer?

I wanted to use the time in lockdown to work on myself. Things don’t always go to plan though. I had some days were all I wanted to do was lie in bed. I had mental health issues before the pandemic and my depression and anxiety was only worsened by it. Despite the positive changes that I received from the experience I do remember a lot of darkness as well.

Sometimes getting up in the morning and breathing air was just enough. I refused to put pressure on myself to change the world from my sofa and I made sure everybody I cared for knew the same. If you got out of bed that morning and didn’t get covid, as far as I was concerned, you’d slayed the day.

During lockdown I tried to think of new ways to connect with people. We used Zoom, Whatsapp and Facebook groups and then there was Tiktok which I love. I even wrote letters to people. Old school.

How many times have you been with a friend and kept checking your phone, distracted by the notifications and updates? I also wondered how many of us stopped that after lockdown finished. How many of us wanted to be fully present with another? I vowed I would endeavour to give my full attention to any one I was with going forward. You can’t fully connect with someone if there is a piece of metal between you.

My new goal was soul connection, not taking anyone for granted, quality over quantity and I am pleased to say that my friendships and familial connections are now deeper than ever since I made this choice.

I have always been a nature lover and my connection with the great outdoors grew all the more important during lockdown. Staying inside just seemed to amplify the fact that I was on my own indefinitely and seeing other people outside actually comforted me. I do have to admit though, I loved the quietness of the city I live in during lockdown and how peaceful everything seemed. Sometimes I would open my front door and windows just to hear the outside world. I was always wary of strangers behind that I have sight loss but my view point started to change. And recently it has become even more apparent that the people you don’t know are just best friends you haven’t met yet. Angels in disguise.

CHRONIC ILLNESS

My sight loss was caused by a rare hormone condition called hypopituitarism and when you have hormone deficiencies like I do, your body does not process energy the same as the everyday joe. I’m not going to get all scientific about it but it’s hard to make people understand that when you have a chronic illness, we are not lazy…. We are just tired. Now because we don’t always have the same amount of energy every day, we have to make sure not to expend all our energy at once. This is explained in an interesting article from a blog called www.youdontlooksick.com. The article I found was about chronic illness and how the writer perceived her energy as spoons. The analogy went a little something like this.

Each day you wake up you are given a certain number of spoons (energy). Each task you do during the day takes away or gives you a spoon. She gets up and makes her bed (1 spoon), has a shower (1 spoon), blow dries her hair (1 spoon) etc. By midday if she uses up all her spoons, she has to take a nap which in effect, gives her more spoons. Sometimes you can carry your spoons over to the next day and if you use up all your spoons and do not take care of yourself this creates burn out.

I really resonated with this. Unfortunately, when you are put on medication people think you are automatically cured when actually this is not the case. My condition, for example (Hypopituitarism) is a life long disease and needs constant management. I often undergo medication changes which can affect my spoons, I get tired easily and have to manage my energy just like this lady says. Some days are better than others. One day I can get tired just blow drying my hair, on other days I will be full of energy and have to remind myself not to overdo it. Despite my rocky past with diet, I also endeavour to manage my condition by eating the right things, drinking enough water, and getting enough sleep.

What does this have to do with lockdown you ask?

​Well, before the pandemic hit, I was working as a Spa therapist. I loved the work but the hours were long and the commute really took it out of me. Most of my days off were spent recovering so I didn’t have much of a life. I sometimes met with friends and family but I was always tired. Recently my mother commented that I looked less exhausted. Well mother dearest thanks to lockdown and a lot of catching up on sleep, I no longer look or feel like the walking dead. That’s why when lockdown ended, I took upon myself to learn about running my own business. I never wanted to work for anyone else again. That way, I could manage my own time and my spoons.

​During lockdown, I did lots of restorative yoga and interval training. I learned how to self-parent and take care of my body with the help of an intuitive eating nutritionist. I gained weight in lockdown like everyone but later found out that my prolactin levels are too high and my thyroid levels have dropped again. So I am negotiating tweaking my treatment with my Endocrinologists. Lockdown was a very restful time for me. Something that I desperately needed. I learned my limits, and how to trust my own boundaries with my own body and pushing it too hard just pisses it off. Yoga and dancing are favourite exercises. I realised how much my body does for me to keep me alive despite needing a little help with medication and it took living through a pandemic to realise that. Every breath I take feels like a privilege. I know some people have not been so lucky.

My time is precious, my energy is precious, as is everybody else’s. Remember that next time you meet with your loved ones. Life is too short to waste time and energy on things you don’t want to do/see/eat/have. Remember this when the rest of you finally emerge from lockdown and have to live your normal life again. Consider what part of normal you really want to go back to. This won’t last forever. Keep on keepin’ on!!

WHIMSICALLY QUARANTINED

I saw some memes on social media saying that 2020 was like mixing your tarot cards with cards against humanity. I have to say I could relate. I felt as though I’d jumped into a pocket universe. It was surreal. March 2020 was the black hole of the century. Well seemed to fall into a pocket universe. I remember when I first heard the news that we were going into lockdown I thought ‘Oh it’s fine we will be out in a week’. But the week turned to months. I got through it. With people still in lockdown I wrote a survival guide and here it is below….

1) First and foremost, make sure you move your body. There are many benefits to exercise but one of the most recent things I have favoured about exercise is moving stuck energy. Don’t let yourself stagnate. Do a workout video, jump around the room to some Aerosmith or Black Sabbath and rock your socks off. Just move! The Government say we can have one hour of exercise outside so if you can, do that… but otherwise stay the hell home.

2) How many boxes of photo albums have you got? Why not go through them and rearrange your albums or start a scrap book? \Throw out the blurry ones, order some new ones that you haven’t developed yet. You catch my drift. Plus, it’s nice to look back on old photos and relive old memories.

3) Have old bank statements and utility bills dating back to the 12th Century? Sort out your paper work and throw that stuff out. Google Guru says you should only be keeping your bank statements and utility bills for one year, that is unless you own a small business and need to keep things for the inland revenue. In wish case, keep them.

4) Declutter your home. Oh you do not know how much I love Pinterest for home improvement hacks. There are loads of boards on there that tell you how to thoroughly declutter your castle. Trust me you will love Pinterest if you don’t use it already! Your Welcome.

5) Watch Youtube for recipes and home improvement hacks. One great channel I love is a girl called Madelaine Olivia. She posts a lot of vlogs for vegan recipes and how to live a minimalist and sustainable lifestyle. Also check out Kelly-Anne Maddox, a Kentish chaos Witch and also spiritual counsellor. If you live the woo woo life like me, then you’ll love her! She posts a lot of vlogs about self-love, tarot and self-development.

6) Make a Pinterest vision board. (see point 4.) Pinterest is amazing for getting ideas for tattoos, hairstyles and so much more. You can plan a holiday through Pinterest or start a new hobby! The floor is yours. But be warned it is addictive! What are your dreams and aspirations? Do you want to travel? Live in a cottage by the sea? Pinterest it!

7) Cook, bake or create a food masterpiece in your kitchen. If you need recipes, Youtube and Pinterest are your go to places. Isn’t it lovely when the whole house smells of freshly baked bread or cookies?

8) Clean your windows, make the bed and polish your skirting boards! Heck just clean everything! A great thing to do after you’ve had a clear out. (Again, see point 4).

9) Do something creative! Paint, draw, write a song, write a poem, write a letter to your younger self, write a letter to your future self. I could go on but I’m sure you’ll work it out. You could also make a Tiktok video. I love Tiktok. It’s like Vine only better. Wow who remembers Vine?

10) Watch a comedy show. Laughter is certainly the best medicine. Lee Evans will always be my favourite comedian. There are so many to choose from. A new one I recently discovered is Laura Cleary. I found her on Facebook. She makes funny videos about being in quarantine. She’s American and her other half is British, like me. They both are hilarious. If you’re not a comedy show person maybe watch a Jim Carrey film, or any film.

That’s all folks x