Live for You

Life; some of us have it all figured out. Others have no clue as to what they're doing. Does that scare you? It scared me I can tell you that.

My friends are now working in Law firms, some are in Medical School, some didn't even go to university, yet they're worked their way up to good positions in whatever company or organisation they work in.

Me? I'm a Political Studies Graduate, working in a big tech company with almost 50K in student debt, and I still have no idea what I want to do or what I want to be. I say this, yet it's more of the feeling that I don't know what it is I'm doing. I have such passion for so many things, like Art and Music. I love History to the point that I've spent a weekend watching every documentary I could find on Netflix and Amazon about the British Monarchy. I'm an Apple tech geek and I love Makeup artistry. I also love volunteering and helping those in need etc... yeah, so basically my interests vary. I can't help but think that because of this, that's why I've been finding it difficult to pinpoint what it is I really want for my future. Bear in mind, I'm only in my early 20s so I can understand when everyone keeps telling me that I have "..years ahead of you. You're done with University now. Just have fun and enjoy life!" I wish it was that simple, yet the sickly feeling you get in your stomach hits me when I realise I don't know what's happening next, until recently.

Here's what it is. Life is short. I know, cliche, you've probably all heard and read this so many times throughout your lives. But I seriously cannot stress how important this saying is! As kids, we all had some kind of idea of what it is we wanted to be when we grew up. I even wanted to be an engineer! Not that I even knew what that was. My point is, we all grow up having expectations of the way we want our lives to go. And if you come from a 'cultural' background, then you know your life has been constructively planned out as soon as you're literally conceived.

Those of you who come from cultural backgrounds can relate when I say that education was one of the main pillars of your household, as well as religion for others. I can't stress how important it was to make sure you never received a grade less than the 90th percentile, and with all your cousins competing against you, it was literally a grade war. I once got a B on a test, and my father literally asked me "Why B? B is bad. Why not A? A for Awesome!" It's like the pressure of not wanting, but needing to be better than everyone else in order to appease my parents got to me so much. It affected me in many different ways.

I can't blame my parents for wanting this for me. They worked hard to get to where they are today. My dad would walk almost two hours to get to his school when he was younger. He would use candles at night in order to study because thats all they could afford. My mother had to step up and look after her siblings when her mother died. Their father was heavily invested in the his own business that he never much focused on what was going on with them. Despite all of that, she is now within the Medical field, working hard to make a difference in her patients lives. My father, through all his own hard work, made it as an engineer for a top company, eventually branching out himself to establish his own consultancy firm. This isn't me boasting about who my parents are or how much they have. This is me trying to show how proud of them I am. They worked hard to get to where they are and to provide me with the MacBook I am currently using to type this on, which is why I felt so much pressure throughout my studies. I felt like I had to live up to their expectations otherwise I would embarrass them. Of course I never brought it up because I was worried about what their response would be!

It took me years to open up and be honest about the fact that I wasn't interested in what I studied. Politics became too much of a headache, and emotions do not mix with politics otherwise it blows up into something more. I think my parents response was due to the fact that I was mature, had my undergrad degree and I had a full-time job already. Because I was stable, they weren't going to argue with me. So long as I chose to do something worthwhile, something that could help make a change or contribute to something great in this world, something that made me happy, they supported me. Well great! I spent eight years concerned about what my parents' reaction would be, when it reality, it was everything I could have wanted.

I wish I would have said something before. But I guess better late than never. I understand however, that this may not be easy for some people. There are a lot of others who are stuck in a situation where they're doing something they have no interest in because of their parents. I wish I had the answer to solve that. But even for me, it wasn't an easy thing. For some it might be as simple as saying "I don't want to do this," and for others, that sentence is scary.

Just remember, if you are in this situation, you're not alone. I can't give you answers as to how you can choose your own path or which way to go, whether you should choose your own future and ignore what your parents want you to do. This is your choice. It's you life. Look at me, I'm just as happy as I've ever been. Someday, you'll realise that "life is short." Yep I said it again, and I'll continue saying it.

Live for you.