Life Without Living

"None of this matters, so do what you need to survive and keep moving."

Just a simple tweet among the countless others filling my timeline. Yet, upon reading it—though it wasn't some grand moment filled with exploding realization and magical emotion—it was a quiet, relieving epiphany; like letting out a heavy sigh.

What is living, and what is survival? Happiness and complacency? It has been a somewhat harsh truth to stumble upon in my early 20s that for so long, I have been merely tolerant of the life I led and the person I was. I have walked through life with the notion that my existence in all honesty, had little value in the grand scheme of things. I ate, drank, walked, and slept as needed for any regular human survival. I also smiled, laughed, and cried in reaction to situations simply because I felt that reaction was fitting; almost a social survival, so to speak. But to really feel, to let life along with all of its moments push past one's exterior and come into contact with the within, awakens something inside of us more than just the need to survive.

Raw, uncensored emotion can be almost terrifying for many, if not all. Maybe you feel that your laugh is loud and obnoxious so you suppress it even though that joke is causing you to burst at the seams on the inside. Maybe the idea of letting even one tear fall from your eyes and those you love seeing your pain translate to something physical makes you cringe of premature embarrassment or shame; so you swallow it back and force a smile. Maybe you're smiling down at your weekly paycheck, satisfied with the amount yet hiding secret dread at the truth that you know of no one to go out and spend it with. In all of these instances, the dishonesty not only to others, but to yourself is doing more damage internally than you can imagine.

I do not want to just "keep moving," to walk my path lifelessly alive. I would rather feel the pain of one-hundred heartbreaks and the disappointment of one-hundred-and-one failures than to feel nothing at all; to be a zombie dragging along on a path to "nowhere, really." I don't know your beliefs or what you were taught in your home. However, I have seen the answer to "why does this all matter?" in the eyes of the loving, in the beauty of giving, and in the smiles of the grateful. I have walked alongside people completely different than I—little to nothing in common—and connected with them on a deeper level than ever before. Relationships have been built all from one act of kindness and continued displays of acceptance. I've found joy in the way the trees move with the wind and the warm laughter of a family strolling down the sidewalk. Does this all even matter? Why? Your answer may be far from mine. Still, I encourage whoever might be reading these words to find out what it is and to run with it.

Don't just survive. Put your soul into your actions and reactions; all of them. Find joy in all things, from getting that promotion at work to the way the rain falls on your window. Allow yourself the time and the space to find what makes you feel as though you matter.

As the wise Maya Angelou said, "My mission in life is not merely to survive. But to thrive; and to do so with some passion, some compassion, some humor, and some style."

Do not settle. Do not become complacent. Thrive.