Letting Go to Grow

Saying goodbye to the emotional baggage you've been lugging around for too long is far from easy. It seems to grow on you, clawing its way into your life, and at least for me, it's even been a twisted sort of comfort. It's big and heavy, sufficing for an excuse to stop doing things that make me happy, or stop pursuing my passions and exploring my opportunities.

Basically, it's like a weighted blanket that hurts.

But now, in these tumultuous times, when entire countries are in lock-down and the world is holding its breath, we finally may have the time to re-examine our priorities and learn to slowly let go of the things that weigh us down. It's a process, a long long process. Emotional wounds throb just as painfully as physical ones, and in my opinion, take longer to heal, severe ones even leaving scars.

"Emotional pain can't kill you, but running from it can. Allow. Embrace. Let yourself feel. Let yourself heal."

It's so important to re-live certain bad memories. It may sound counter-intuitive, since our first instinct is to shelter and protect ourselves from suffering, but total acceptance is crucial to gain closure and move forward. This can be done slowly, and with kindness and utmost empathy for yourself. For me personally, I felt ashamed of my pain, like it was a weakness or a fundamental flaw in my character, and even now I struggle with acceptance.

We must understand that there's nothing wrong in hurting. Everybody hurts. What matters is that you pick yourself up and start over. That is true strength.

Maybe you loved one special person who spurned you. Maybe you lost the one thing that made you smile. Maybe you gave everything you had to a relationship that just wasn't meant to be. Maybe someone burned you so badly you swore never to feel anything again.

But remember, one terrible experience doesn't define the rest of our lives.

We can't let one toxic person ruin love. We can't let one obstacle ruin our dreams. We can't let one accident ruin our lives. If we do, who do we end up hurting? Ourselves, and only ourselves, not the person or people or whatever that did it to us in the first place.

It's hard to move on. It's one of the hardest things you can force yourself to do. But think about history for a second. If the biological imperative to reproduce of our ancestors gave up after one rejection, where would we be? If we gave up on that dream that makes our hearts flutter and our eyes shine with hope, where will we end up?

That dream for me is going to Harvard. It's been consuming me for years, and I don't know where it came from, but it's there, palpitating with every beat of my heart. Whenever life didn't go my way, or it hurt, or it was hard, I just kept picturing getting that acceptance letter in the mail and I pushed through it. I didn't overcome perfectly, and I have regrets, but at least I persevered. At least I allowed myself to hope and work hard. And I'll get there someday. I know I will.

What matters, in the end, isn't what happens to us. It's what we do to when the storm hits. We swim, we cling on to broken pieces of the boat, we fight to stay above water. That's all that matters, and no one can take our will, the most powerful human weapon, away from us.

When we overcome, that's when we grow. We grow stronger, smarter, wiser. Our heads and hearts mature, our back straightens, and we walk with increased confidence in ourselves that yes, we can survive. If we did it once, we can do it again. When we grow, we grow into what we have the potential to become. When we grow, we take more chances and meet people that push us to be the best that we can be. But in order to grow, we have to hurt.

After all, seeds break before sprouting into beautiful trees. Muscles tear before getting strong. Therefore we need let go, to hurt, in order to grow up and take on the world.