Letter to my younger self...
What I needed to hear 10 years ago
Dear 23 year-old me,
In ten years time, you won't recognize yourself or the world for reasons that are both good and bad. Reality will shift on a dime one day and everything in your world will be unstable. There are so many lessons I've had to learn the hard way. Here's some of the things I wish I wasn't so hard headed about.
Life is too short for cheap shoes. Seriously, cheap footwear can and will damage the hell out of your feet. A lifetime of pain isn't work the bargain heels that pinch too tight.
Health and looks are fleeting. Take the selfies, but push doctors for answers to your mysterious pains. The sooner you can get a jump on chronic illness, the better. Normal people don't live with the pain we have endured every single day. Yes, you'll be hard on your body, but a broken thyroid makes it all much worse. The pain isn't in your head. You aren't being dramatic. Find a doctor that will take you seriously.
That man you marry really does love you. Completely. He'll move the moon for you. He just has trouble telling you sometimes. Not everyone has a way with words like we do. His love is so deep that he's worth marrying twice.
Go after your passions. It's hard to change a major when you've already earned one degree for it. It'll also save a lot of money later on to not shift gears so drastically. When you pursue your passion, you'll find employment.
For the love of all that is holy, get a planner and keep using it. You know why.
Quit the shitty job. Don't wait four years to hit rock bottom on a bad day. They'll never appreciate how hard you work and you'll never regret quitting. It will free you for the point above. However, telling the boss's wife to go fuck herself is still a question mark.
Stop letting people use you. They'll flatter you all day to get what they want from you. Terrible people pray on eternal optimists. Setting a boundary outs the users sooner, before they've taken advantage of your kindness and empathy. Real friends don't make you feel like shit.
Eat the cake. Remember how looks are fleeting? Don't hate yourself for things you can't control. Confidence and kindness are sexy on everyone. Your value as a person is not tied to the scale. Eat the foods you love.
Don't rely on the parents for anything. You'll regret it later. The mountain of guilt that comes with it will eat at you and one day you'll be sick with guilt over minimal help. It just isn't worth it.
Have compassion for your sister. She needs you more than you know.
It's okay to walk away from failed ventures. Failure is part of life. You learn and then you'll do better later. Don't waste your own time on a sinking ship simply because you built it.
There's this weird thing called ASMR that'll pop up. Don't fight it. You'll hate it, but it's seriously some of the best sleep you've ever had and sleep has never been our friend.
Remember that the world is already full of children that could use the kind of home you can give them. There's more than one way to be a mother.
Stop telling yourself that you don't belong in your degree field. You are not an imposter. You have brilliant ideas and you think outside the box. You are invaluable and you will always find someone that sees it.
The sooner you learn these lessons, the sooner you can find the bliss I am just on the precipice of. You could save us both a lot of hurt. You will one day realize you love yourself. You will one day realize your worth. It will be hard to learn these things, but better to ripe the bandaid off, right? Especially with the bandaid isn't even covering a wound. You are perfect as you are.
33 year-old me
PS: Stock up on toilet paper.