Let's Argue!

Self-love

OR,

Self-righteousness? Lets argue!

I once believed that self-love was simply placing yourself in high regard. Knowing your worth and adding tax as they say...

So, I ask, What is self-love to a selfless person?

What does one display, that shows self-love?

Is happiness an indication of self-love?

In late 2019, I experienced, what some would consider as, a heartbreak. By definition, that would consider me as... heartbrOKen. Now, flash forward, I am rather reconsidering it as a "bubble burst". The way I saw it, or rather see it now, as a death to my ego. When we see ourselves as the golden egg and not the golden goose, one can become self-righteous. Placing yourself on a pedal stool that you built and climbed upon yourself. Without any sure evidence of worthiness. Now, this isn't me saying that you can't hold yourself in the highest regards, without validation from outside sources. However, when you are stubbornly, forcefully, and undoubtedly, demanding to be placed on a high horse, you may be missing your lessons. I am not one to force respect, but I am that one, that refuses to bend. When it comes to my happiness, you'll suffer if you interrupt it.

According to society, people assume, we are searching for love in things, people, and places. Never actually looking past the patterns, to the actual root of a person's actions. Of course, most inconsistent behavioral issues, stem from mental health. Whether it is, ptsd, anxiety, and/or genetic traits, patterns must not be the deciding factor in judgment.

Granted, some patterns become toxic, especially, when a person is of a certain age. When passion has run out, and our patients are at their tipping point, we rebel against what is important!

This is all to ask, if self-love is self-acceptance, and self-acceptance comes after an awaking, how can we as onlookers tell?

Is there a way to judge from the outside?

We all have a different love languages. Must one language match ours?

Do we wait around for the signs and signals?

According to Google;

self-love

/ˈˌself ˈləv/

noun. regard for one's own well-being and happiness (chiefly considered as a desirable rather than narcissistic characteristic).

self-right·eous

/ˌself ˈrīCHəs/adjective

having or characterized by a certainty, especially an unfounded one, that one is totally correct or morally superior.

"self-righteous indignation and complacency"

I have met a multitude of "self-righteous" individuals. Really take the time to figure out which one you are. Many times, people misjudged others due to their obscured views on happiness. Just because you will not date a person with less money, doesn't mean you are placing your happiness first. You may simply be a person whom is indignant!

According to Google;

in·dig·nant

/inˈdiɡnənt/

Learn to pronounce adjective

feeling or showing anger or annoyance at what is perceived as unfair treatment.

A person may show their love through gifts, one day they aren't able to provide you with the gift of choice. You in return decide that it's your way or the highway... The gift in the window or you show them to the door. Can you really say that that's you in your complete happiness?

I for one, know that material things are surface. I had over 150 pairs of shoes at one time... For what? That was my family's way of giving me attention. Which in return made me feel self-righteous. I did not have to earn a dollar. I felt that things were supposed to be given because that's what I was used to. Now that was my family. When it came down to relationships, I did not feel the same. I knew that everyone has a separate way of showing love.

One day I was asked out on a date. I said I didn't want to go because I didn't have an outfit. The guy told me, that he would have his parent buy me something to wear. I was outdone!!! I declined. That should have been a red flag but I ignored it. He was self-righteous. How can you expect your parent to buy an outfit for your date?

When I think of self-love, I think of it as, going after what you want to a degree. If ain't anytime, what you want, makes someone sacrifice their own happiness, you've crossed the line. Now you are being self-righteous.

In 2019, I was portraying self-love. The issue was, I never learned the person's love language. This entire time, I thought I knew the 7 languages. Whether I did or didn't, I hadn't learned his. Then I had to realize, it wasn't me. He did not display nor verbalize his language. He was self-righteous. Whenever you expect a person to act without intentions, you are trying to manipulate them.

According to Google;

"An intention is idea that you plan (or intend) to carry out. If you mean something, it's an intention. Your goal, purpose, or aim is your intention. It's something you mean to do, whether you pull it off or not."

pur·pose /ˈpərpəs/noun

the reason for which something is done or created or for which something exists.

Purpose, as important as the purpose is, it needs to be a mutual purpose in a relationship. When a person is practicing self-love, one must do it with intent. Hopefully, that intent is to be able to give love and receive it as well.

When one is self-righteous, receiving is the main objective. Giving may be secondary.

Now, I do not want to make it seem as though I am a relationship counselor or guru. However, I have been on the emotional rollercoaster for a time or two. I've learned from my own experiences, that patience is equal to love. You must be patient with yourself as well as others. As the saying goes, " There is no love greater than your mothers!" As a parent, you must be patient. You are to teach, nourish, and groom your child from ground zero.

With knowing this, I fail to display what others consider as self-love, due to being self-less. Watching a movie, getting groomed, or wasting your monies on meaningless things, doesn't equate to self-love. Granted, relaxation is always healthy and needed in our lives. If you can't relax, then, how will you ever be patient?

If you do not communicate, give and receive your person's message, how can you expect them to give reciprocity?

You can't meet someone during their journey and expect a complete package because you are self-righteous. If you are practicing self-love, then you should have the patience to accept their journey.

My bubble burst when I realized, the person I was dealing with wasn't practicing self-love, but was rather practicing self-righteousness. Me being a person who is light-hearted, silly, and rarely take many things seriously, I had a rude awakening. I do not judge the person, that is their journey. What I had to do was practice self-forgiveness. I needed to forgive myself for giving in to the pain that I caused myself. I was not patient enough to wait for the red flags. For that, is what caused the massive heart-break. Me not understanding right off the bat, why things didn't pan outright. I love shiny things and boy didn't he glitter! 😁

Well... all that is well, ends well. That was a magnificent lesson for me to learn. I am grateful for it.

#queenofhearts