"Journey"

I am not one for New Years Resolutions, mainly because I can't seem to ever keep them. Not only that, but I stress myself out with the fact that I am not disciplined enough to do so. As I welcome 2024, I do so with a deluge of tears and a heavy heart.

2023 is the year that my first born child, my daughter, passed away while she was at work, changing the world as I know it and leaving me with sorrow as deep as one can imagine. I find myself questioning why? And I know, I will never know why? Why, I received "that" phone call, the one I feared and tried to believe would never happen, until it did.. I will never know.

What I do know, is that through writing I find healing. Not just for myself, but for my children, grandchildren, and all those I love and care about, I aspire to heal. In actuality it would be much easier to give up, to encase myself in the darkness of my sorrow and slowly fade away, quietly, without any notice from those who love me. But that is not what she, my daughter, would want from me.

She would want me to pour myself into my passion and write. She would want me to move forward in publishing my first children's book, my poetry, and my growing collection of short stories. She would want me to enter as many vocal challenges as I possibly can. And to absorb the works of other vocal creators, reaching out with words of encouragement and praise to those whose creativity allows me to escape my world. She would not want me to allow the flame that burns from within me to flicker and fade away leaving nothing but a faint scent of a burning ember which was once my passion.

She would want me to heal. An unattainable goal at the very least, as my inner voice screams out the truth! I know I will never heal and I will always carry this deep sorrow that has become a part of who I am today. It's as if I wear it, daily, as part of my wardrobe. I can however be on a healing journey, one that will last until I too have passed. I can write, write about any subject that moves me to do so.

And I will do so with a passion that is fed by the many moments in my life, moments that bring me to tears, tears that are born from unimaginable loss, tears that make their way up from a belly laugh, tears shed at the birth of my children, grand, and great grand babies, tears which accompany each accomplishment of those I love. Tears that flow with memory of friends and family, of good times and bad, of love and loss. Tears that make me wish to die and tears that leave no question that I am alive and feeling every precious moment. These tears, are the same tears, that she does not want me to allow to extinguish the flame that ignites my passion to write.

2024... I aspire to become engulphed in all that Vocal has to offer it's creators, to enter challenges, to learn new poetry styles, to write of comedy and drama, horror and mystery, fact and fiction. To obtain camaraderie with other creators and to partake in their joy of a challenge win! To share in their accomplishments of a top story or honorable mention, or when I see their name listed among the "Creators we're loving" by our Vocal team!

I aspire to inspire other creators whose creativity allows me to escape the sorrow which comes upon me some days. I aspire to reach out to others and to be available to be reached. I aspire to find my story (at least once) amongst the top stories or see my profile amongst those creators whom the Vocal team is loving! And though, I know, I will never heal from the loss of my daughter, I aspire to keep the flame of my passion bright through writing, using Vocal as my platform, which allows me to continue my journey of healing, this is what my daughter would want and what I so desperately need.

I am forever grateful for you "Vocal" and I thank you and your team.