January: The Month of Me

The holidays have come and gone in the blink of an eye. I spent Christmas with my family in Illinois and New Years with close friends in Pennsylvania. Each day I spent with those dear to me was a day spent in pure bliss. As my boyfriend and I cleaned and locked up the vacation house in Pennsylvania, we were both struck by sheer melancholy, and I have not been able to shake it since.

I cannot put my finger on why I feel this way, nor can my boyfriend. Sure, we are sad the holidays are over, but shouldn't we be left with feelings of happiness and love? Yes, we had to say goodbye to our friends, but it's not like we'll never see them again. Are we apprehensive about the future, as my boyfriend will be leaving in two months for Spring Training? Or perhaps the reality of how fast time really does fly is starting to set in.

Four days into the new year and my anxiety is still making my heart flutter. I've begun to wonder, will this feeling ever leave? Due to these negative emotions swirling in my brain, I have decided to make January the month of me. If I want to truly be successful in 2018, I need to be in tune with myself (that means the positive and the negative). Therefore, I've decided a dry January will be on the menu. I have never been a great drinker. Yes, I know my limits but I get so caught up at the party or the bar that I lose control. That is simply not how I want to begin my year. I am going to start regularly attending hot yoga with my friend. Yoga helps me clear my mind, and hunker down into the strength of my soul. I look forward to gaining a clearer conscious. My final "me goal" is figuring out a plan for a new job. Although, I have only been at my current job for seven months, I simply cannot stand it. There are no strong leaders in the company, just bosses. The day-to-day tasks make my skin crawl. Every week I look forward to the weekend, but then immediately panic as I know I will have to come back. The job is not a healthy place for me to be.

I have other resolutions this year. One of which is to learn Russian, the other is to read a book that will help my career once a month. Although, these are resolutions that I intend to accomplish, for now, I am not putting pressure on myself. As I mentioned, my January is learning to be more in tune with myself, and some nights I need to turn on Sex and The City and just zone out. Other nights, I need to cuddle up with my boyfriend and savor every last moment we have together. Still others, I need to relax make some tea and read poetry. Whatever I need in that moment I am giving to myself. Most importantly, I am giving it to myself judgement free.

Happy New Year, everyone! May you start your year exactly how YOU want to.