It's Not Your Fault

by Samantha Burgess 2 years ago in healing

Death and Betrayal

It's Not Your Fault

I use to blame myself for almost every terrible thing that has happened to me. I know that I am not perfect, nor do I claim to be, but it's not right or fair to blame myself for everything, especially things I didn't have control over.

I blamed myself for my grandmother's death growing up. I felt like, if I had just done something more, she would still be here today. It didn't help that I was being told daily that it was my fault. I was only ten years old when my grandma died. There was nothing more I could have done to save her. Please know that, if you lose a loved one in this way, it is not your fault. Unfortunately it's just a part of life.

I blamed myself for the abuse I endured as a child inflicted by a boyfriend my mother had. He was the one who told me daily that my grandma's death was my fault. He was also very physically abusive. I felt like I deserved it. I felt like I must just be a bad person and needed to be punished. Something like this is never your fault and no one ever deserves to be abused.

I blamed myself for an ex boyfriend of mine attempting to force himself on me. I felt like I lead him on or sent him mixed signals. He was only my second boyfriend. This is not something that is ever your fault. "No" will always mean "no." and you always have the right to say "no" to someone.

I blamed myself for my most recent ex leaving me, lying to me, and betraying me. I felt like I was just too broken for him to be able to put up with me. I felt like he clearly deserved better than me, but the truth is I did everything in my power to make him happy and to make our relationship work. He was the one who gave up on me. He lied to me during and after our relationship was over. Please know that this is something that is out of your control. It's not your fault.

I finally don't feel like everything bad in my life is my fault anymore. I realize that I make mistakes and will always take full responsibility when something is truly my fault, but I can't control what others decide to do.

Please know that you deserve to be happy and loved in this life. You never deserve to be physically or mentally abused. You can not control what others decide to do, so please don't blame yourself for what others decide to say or do. Also know that you are not alone in this world. There is someone out there who cares about you and is willing to help.

There are also good people in this world who would never do anything intentionally to hurt you. Please know that you will eventually find these people and you will start to weed out the bad ones. Things will get better, they don't stay bad for very long.

The way I started to give the blame away was by realizing that there was nothing else I could have done to change those situations. I finally started to get angry, instead of hurt and realized that I deserved better. I was able to talk to other people who have been through similar events and was able to realize that if they didn't deserve what happened, then neither did I. I was finally able to find someone who loves me for who I am and who cares about me. Just remember, it's not your fault.

Samantha Burgess
Samantha Burgess
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