It is not my story to tell...

As a personal coach one of the first things I try to build with my clients is trust; actually, two things - trust and respect. It takes some people a lot of courage and vulnerability to reach out and schedule time to work on themselves. But more often than not they will cancel their appointment out of fear of the unknown in not knowing what to expect.

Those that do keep their appointment are brave and do their best to show up. I do not only mean show up for the appointment but to show up knowing they are wanting a change. I let them know our conversations are confidential as are my notes. I am there to listen and provide an outsider look as to what may help them move towards a better them.

Countless sessions over the years go around and around with my clients speaking about other people.

How they feel so-and-so should have said this and so-and-so should have done that. They will be on a seemingly never-ending spiral of running on a mental and emotional gerbal wheel going in circles trying to find their way out through the words, thoughts, and actions (or lack thereof) of others. I use this as an opportunity to just listen. Listen to their viewpoint as to what they have been experiencing and why they are feeling the way they are. Then I ask them, "What would you have done in the same situation if you were in their shoes?" Inevitably the response is eye opening.

It is at that point we begin speaking about suffering and pain. I explain to them suffering is feeling stuck in something. A state of mind, an emotion, a moment that is in the past and it keeps on replaying over and over again. Meanwhile, they are the ones pressing play on the remote control wondering why the same movie keeps on playing with more and more pain each time and no happy ending.

I explain to them there is a difference between suffering and feeling pain. Feeling pain sucks! It is uncomfortable, stressful in many aspects but necessary to deal with. Once the pain is dealt with the movie takes on a different ending because the narrative has changed. Some folks are ready to walk through the pain. Others may need to build themselves up to it. Dealing with the pain, however attractive the outcome on the other end is – will be challenging nonetheless. But if a person is willing to put in the effort and work – the end result is a phenomenal feeling of accomplishment, pride, and relief.

Many times, we are quick to judge others for what they do right or wrong. What they could have done differently. What they should have said. But how often do we look at ourselves? How often do we take a deep look at our responses, and reactions before passing judgement on others and more importantly passing judgement on ourselves. There goes that dang self-talk again. That subconscious voice that can play relentlessly at times. We are again in control of the remote control of our brains and our minds.

This week I challenge you to work on your own story. Rewrite the script and dictate the narrative. Talking things out and seeking outside advice and guidance does not mean something is "wrong" with you. It simply means you are seeking nonjudgmental - unconditional feedback.

However, it is not my story to tell. It is not your parents, families, friends, etc. It is YOUR story to write and tell. They can be contributing writers or directors or producers but ultimately YOU are the editor and publisher.

It is not my story to tell...it is yours...I am more than happy to be along for the ride or stand on the sidelines. I do ask you though – do you care to share?