Imperfection: The New Perfection

I recently hung with a dear friend of mine and his family for a day in upstate New York, to get away from the hustle and bustle of New York City. After having a wonderful time out the evening prior, libations and dancing included, I awoke the next day bright and early. I was low in energy, but good enough to wake up with no hangover, acknowledging and thanking myself for my responsible partying. Headaches and nausea are harder to tolerate the older you get, I have learned the hard way.

A few hours into the morning, my friend, out of "left field", insists on having an impromptu, informal photoshoot of me having a yoga session. He wanted to encourage me to enhance my social media presence and to permit myself to promote my work as a teacher, as well as as an artist. It turned out wonderful, mission accomplished shall I say. The age of the smartphone has turned us all into promising videographers and photographers, myself included.

About a week or so later, I was feeling rather social media-friendly and so I began sifting and browsing through the photos and videos that were taken the week prior. I noticed one particular photo of me in a lowered push-up position, better known in yogic terms, "Chattaranga Dandasana". The picture just so happened to show my arms in a very, let's say, muscle-bound favor. I posted it to my Facebook story with a caption saying "Ok, come through triceps!".

Now, this is where the real story begins.

I get a DM (Direct Message) from a colleague and friend via FB (FaceBook).

Friend via FB DM:

"Slide your hand back to make a 90-degree angle from your wrist and then from your wrist to your fingers".

Me in reply to FB DM:

"U right... Bitch... lol... But, it was only for the vanity LOL".

Friend: "Bitch that's when u have to be impeccable. U know a shady bitch like me is looking at everything".

Case closed, Nuff said.

A simple suggestion on his part, or at least I took it as such, no harm done. Firstly, my hands/wrists were indeed a little bit further forward, which made my elbows and shoulders not optimally aligned. I was annoyed at myself because I am BIG on alignment. I felt I was WAY too eager to show off some physical characteristics while ignoring the overall picture. Nothing to beat myself up over, in ONE post.

YET still...

Over the course of the following days, that tiny voice was going off in my head like, "See, this is why you don't post because your shit has to be on point a.k.a. PERFECT... n blah blah blah blah..".

Now some of you may be thinking that my friend "came for me" over my story post/pic, but it is quite opposite.

For one, he often shows love to my posts/stories and sends hilarious and informative content.

Secondly he DM'd me, a.k.a. privately.

Lastly, there was no "shade" or sarcasm on his end, except at the end of the conversation, in which he clearly stated what he is about, and I appreciate him for it. It was a simple one-sentence correction on my alignment, if even that, though he admits to his shady eye, or rather in his words, "a shady bitch like me...".

HE can do that, however, considering we've known each other for close to seven years. We have worked together, broken bread together, danced, shared stories, and smoked the herbs off the gods together, if you get my drift. And as mentioned, it seemed to come from a well-intentioned place and one that was of a fellow teacher, who is VERY good and efficient at what he does.

Though I deduced all of this within moments, again, I had found myself questioning every little picture, video, or post that I thought of posting. Questions came up for myself such as, "Is it good enough?". Worse yet, "Is it PERFECT enough?". Now there is that loaded word again.

I began to self-reflect and question myself. "WHY am I suddenly attached to this idea of that?". A simple suggestion, which I am typically keen on, somehow turned into me having a negative insight into my own posting decisions that ultimately have no bearing nor weight to my success, in essence. Yet, small incidents like this had begun to create self-doubt, leading me to traverse the ultimate "no-no" road on the path to personal growth and/or success: The road of comparison. In other words, comparing yourself to others. Big no no.

I began to understand that it is through these seemingly small incidents if I take a step back, I see the bigger pictures and while I work to be practical of said picture one thing can not be forgotten: "The whole is only the sum of its parts". Meaning, like a puzzle, the entirety of the visual will never be complete unless all of the pieces fit in their respective places, thus working together to create the whole.

I was reflecting on the sum of the parts while forgetting that there is always a bigger picture. I am nowhere near completing this puzzle called life, and so it's ok to mess up a bit, not be too presentable all the time. That has never worked for me, personally speaking. I just never knew it until recent years.

It is ok to be less than presentable at times, I tell myself. I try to show that vulnerability. Show that as an instructor or teacher that we too try, fail, learn from mistakes, and improve upon them as we live life.

The four small reminders I have outlined for myself are what inspire me to keep moving forward, corrections and all, showing me that NOTHING is perfect, as it falls below the necessary guidelines of what it means to learn and grow, because if perfection were obtainable, what else would there be to learn? Can you imagine how tedious that must be, to maintain that level of expectation?

So let's get to a few ways in which I have learned to let my mistakes fly high and live a life less concerned as to how I am viewed by others...

1. I DO NOT COMPARE MYSELF TO OTHERS SUCCESSES... OR FAILURES

By doing so, you vastly limit what it is that you can offer to others. Or yourself. By this what I am saying is that comparing oneself to others takes away from what you have already accomplished and from what your focus SHOULD be: being better than who you were the day before. The week, the month, the year... Hell, the minute before! Comparing breeds competition and what is the need in competing when there is always room for improvement, with your own experiences being the guiding light and barometer in which you seek future success.

2. PERFECTION IS OVERRATED

You know exactly what I am talking about. The photos on Instagram or Facebook with the beautiful yoga, dance or model pictures and/or videos with the absolutely perfect form (see? there goes that word again), and foundation, with the stunning backgrounds of paradise, waterfalls, and/or mountain cliffs, with a hashtag that says one or all of the following:

#blessed, #livinglife, #grateful, #freedom, #beautyisinfreedom, #freedom, #warrior, #yogilife, #entrepreneur, #selfemployed, #retiredatthirty...

...and any other overly used artistic, creative or positive vernacular attached to a hashtag to generate more viewership and get a million views and/or likes. And no, I am NOT judging; more of an observational opinion into our sociual media habits and trends that promote niothung but the "perfect life".

I now challenge myself to show the side of me that I am most self-conscious about. The part that screws up every now again. The one that does not have the symmetrical mohawk or haircut. The part of me that is scared to face critique and correction. The part of me that never seems camera-ready. This leads me to my next point...

3. VULNERABILITY IS MY NEW TEACHER

There can truly never be an absolutely perfect situation or time. The only thing in our control is our actions within each moment. I can not control my thoughts, per se, however, I can control what I do with them. I have learned that being vulnerable is a strength, not a weakness. In my experiences at teaching workshops from yoga, to dance, to meditation, I have stated, "the part of you that you hate the most, may just be the part of you that others love the best...". At some point I had to take my own damn advice. And it all starts with what I do in relation to my thoughts.

Learn to embrace ALL of you, including the parts of you that you are unhappy with, physically, mentally, and spiritually speaking. OWN who you are because, as we know it, that is the only you that you can be in this lifetime. When I learned to access that part of myself, my worries and fears decreased immensely. Why? Because I began to own who I was at that time and work on anything about myself that I did not necessarily approve of.

In doing this, I began to develop the confidence to hone myself and my knowledge. I suffered from imposter syndrome for the longest. Imposter syndrome is merely a way for us to be aware of our weaknesses. However, do not let your weaknesses outshine the wonderful strengths that are much more useful to others when expressed and used with awareness and humbleness. We know there is so much more to learn, which is why perhaps it is such a challenge when it comes to sharing our knowledge, in fear that we may just be wrong.

And you know what?

So be it. If being wrong is the worse of our fears, we might as well embrace it now, because that is one way of learning, being wrong, if not the way. But then one must have the capacity and the space to learn from the mistake and be even better! To be critiqued, ridiculed, and not agreed with at times is OK.

When you are capable of owning who you are, through and through, no one can laud anything over you and use it against you because well, you OWN your own faults, ineptitudes, and imperfections. No one else can do that for you, and that is a gift you should cherish.

4. K.I.S.S. = Keep It Simple Silly

I relate to this so much because, in all honesty, I can be quite the yabber. In the past, I have often in conversation given way more information than necessary, under the guise of "sharing" and "being open". I am, at times way too detailed oriented in moments that do not call for it. I learned through teaching fitness years ago that sometimes, less is more. Save some for another day.

This isn't a "cop-out" or excuse to be mediocre. Quite the contrary. This is for those of us who are crippled by our doubts, fears, and self-defeating views that lead to our own "failure to launch", in anything in life, not just a simple Facebook, Instagram, or tik-tok post. Mediocrity for myself is my idea of "failure" because I enjoy the fruits of my labor and thrive on being a hard worker. But by working smart you keep things simple. I strive for simplicity, even in the most complex. That does not mean I overlook details necessary to the situation at hand, I am just more aware that I can condense things down and be (my favorite word) practical. sometimes explaining things as if you were speaking to an adolescent child, without being condescending, can be a far more valuable asset than over-explaining things.

ENDING THE SESSION

With all of that said, it has been wonderful to share all of this with you. The only way to lead is by example. Leadership is not just about talking of quality, but being of quality. "Practice what you preach" as the saying goes. In my short time as a yoga teacher, it is the one therapy in which the therapist must experience the therapy that is being offered to others. I love that. Leading by example motivates others to take the first step towards self-transformation. Slow and steady improvement (not to be confused with perfecting) of this change eventually becomes a praiseworthy habit and a model to bring about sustainable transformation as well as inspiration, on many levels.

So for once, try being a little less perfect, for the sake of balance. They say beauty is in the eyes of the beholder. Well, so is perfection. Think of dogs. They are the most loyal and lovable beings on this planet. In their eyes, their caretaker or their "human", is the most perfect person in the world and no one can nor will convince them otherwise.

With that said, strive to be the person your dog THINKS you are, because to him/her, you already are their form of perfection. So, let it be...