I'll be single soon

Ever since I left Ohio and the most evil mistake of a man yet in my life, I been just that. I had to get good at being out of my comfort zone. I have a theory that my ADHD gives me superpowers when it comes to that. Since I went undiagnosed until around age 35 when I finally got a psychological exam at a real therapist's office. It explained everything especially why I held the belief that I was dumb or that something was wrong with me. Learning to get up again after failure has been my superpower. If I hadn't, I'd probably done myself in long ago. The diagnosis renewed my hope. I finally knew what was wrong with me.

Fast forward to the version of me in the present moment. She's been doin' it and doin' it well. I now have the ability to get back up and keep going in my tool belt. You really can't tame the beastly emotion of fear if you don't shuffle things up in your life. Do we want to shrink back and be unseen, live a boring and terribly sad life every day over and over like it's Groundhog Day*? Fu** that $hit y'all. Life should be an adventure. I feel like I am on the edge all day everyday. After leaving my husband during the pandemic, about six months later I handed my Airbnb host my key to the house. I left for Texas about 3am that very night. After all, my gig work** would allow me to go anywhere in the country that uses SHIPT OR INSTACART. I chose Texas because I was overdue for my rebound relationship apparently. The guy was a total hell nooooo but he catapulted me out of the old and into the new and for that I am forever grateful to him.

However, don't let me fool you. I wrote all of that like it went pretty smooth. From the day I packed up my hatchback and made a run for it, I felt as if I were living an actual nightmare. Every step I took from April 17, 2020 until now was the most challenging era of my life. Life is finally calming down enough I can finally write the story.

I jumped out of the nest you could say when I left my ex. I feel like I really grew up a lot in the last four years picking up bravery, kindness, hope, and faith by continuing to climb. I began looking at challenges through the eyes of a pissed off bull. I'd rear back and I crushed that shit. I started gaining confidence, self love, and self esteem back. I came into Bryan, Texas, to meet the guy. I was experiencing terrifying panic attacks back then too. The driving in Texas was too much for me. I wrecked my car almost immediately. I was homeless in Texas all by myself with no income. My income went bye bye after I wrecked my car. I damn near had a nervous breakdown. All I had to hang on to was the chapel. This was the first time I prayed in about thirty years. Again, outside my comfort zone. I was so far from God, I had to ask my Aunt in Kentucky to pray me out of that pit of demons I was in back in Ohio. I figured he forgot about me.

The prayers worked but not wahat I asked for. I was praying the guy would show up for me since I was in Texas because of him. That was not in the plan. I was chatting with a guy in Houston, he asked me if I wanted a roommate. I left that place in about two and a half weeks. He was a minister. We both loved football with a passion. That was good enough for me. This was the leap of faith that changed everything for me. I got my hands on enough digital money with some freelance work ($28 I think?) for a one way ticket to Houston. Yes, I said Houston. Like the third most populated city in the United States. I hopped a Greyhound bus with two bags. Everything else I had to stay behind. My Uggs, most of my clothes, and lots of beauty supplies. Bravest thing I have ever done. I didn't know this guy at all!!! What did I get myself into?

to be continued...

*the movie, not the holiday