"I Am Strong" - A Story About Persistence, Self-Reinforcement & Individuality

My mum once told me that when I was five, I created a mantra for myself. Whenever I felt hurt or disappointed, I’d stand with my back against a wall, close my eyes, clench my fists and repeat the words “I am strong” for as many times as I felt I needed to. So when I came home from school one day with an award for winning a talent contest, and my dad shrugged it off like it meant nothing, that’s exactly what I did.

Although I have no memory of performing this ritual, I apparently stuck with it for many years. And even though I must have stopped doing it at some point, I think my aptitude for self-reinforcement continued. Growing up in a household where my dad’s attitude alternated between disapproval and nonchalance, I learned to rely on myself and my other family members for motivation, validation and emotional support.

After my mum told me about this childhood mantra, I became curious about its origin. What prompted me to develop this self-reinforcing ritual? Where did I get the idea from? Who did I learn it from? So I asked her. She said, “I don’t think anyone taught you to do that. You were always the kind of kid who found a way to build yourself back up after you were knocked down.”

Hearing those words changed the way I think about certain things. When we’re born into the world, so much is out of our control. We don’t get to decide what family we’re born into, or what our environment will be like. As we grow up, other things we can’t control include how people perceive us, and how they decide to treat us. But we can control how we respond, what we choose to tolerate, and whether or not we decide to preserve our individuality.

If we have big plans for our lives, we shouldn’t let little things discourage us. Nor should we rely on the approval of others to feel good about ourselves. If I had listened to people who told me that paying for music lessons would be a waste of money, I wouldn’t be the musician I am today. If I had let my dad convince me that winning a talent contest was meaningless, I wouldn’t have gone on to win more of them. If I had allowed people to discourage me from pursuing my dreams, I wouldn’t be living them today. That’s why I persisted, and continue to persist.

If I could speak to my five-year-old self, I would thank her for having the strength to validate herself when others wouldn’t, and for staying true to herself in spite of people’s disapproval. The truth is that we are all capable, we are all valuable, and we all deserve to celebrate the things that make us unique. If you’re passionate about something, pursue it. If you’re happy with who you are, embrace it. Don’t water yourself down for anybody.

Amy Davidson