How to take over American trucking business

Fair warning: This is satire, albeit based in reality. I would never recommend anyone who is a good person to do this.

1. Start out by embezzling and stealing money in your high government official position in a small country. Move the money to a solid American bank. Quietly buy an investor visa.

2. Before your corrupt government gets deposed by a revolution, run to America. Take your family with you to avoid leverage and prosecution.

3. Using your investor visa, buy 100 18-wheelers for about $10K each. You have enough money to start a legitimate small trucking company.

4. Your investor visa allows you to hire people by sponsoring work visas. Hire your former compatriots who are desperately seeking better life in the US and an opportunity to legalize themselves. They will be your future slaves.

5. Lure them in with the rent-to-buy truck scam. Tell them they can pay you back for the truck in small installments, whatever they can afford. Better yet, a portion of their salary. Make it sound like the truck is the best investment they can make in their new country. Also tell them the truck cost you $25K but they only have to pay you back $30K. They understand the concept of $5K for the trouble of running the business.

6. Unlike most American trucking companies, pay them a salary rather than by trip mileage. Tell your new drivers their salary will be $20K/year. It's a lot of money in their home country. Besides, they are desperate to take up the job as the first opportunity for legitimate work in the US.

7. Tell your drivers they will work for you only 4 days a week, and 3 days - for themselves. They will be excited and by the time they figure out they can't really get good trips and commissions because you and your partners control everything, it's not your fault.

8. Never tell your drivers their work visa is valid only while they work for you and you will not sponsor their green cards. By the time they figure out you are nickel-&-diming them, it will be too late for them. And if they try to figure out life in the US on their own, the truck is yours anyway as they will never be able to buy it out in 3-4 years they've worked for you. Good luck to them!

9. Meanwhile, with your newly flowing profits, buy out smaller trucking companies in the big city where you set up your business (let's say, Chicago). Buy more trucks, driving their costs up and decreasing opportunities for those who want to buy trucks independently for themselves, including American citizens.

10. Because your investor visa has limits on how many people you can hire, start hiring illegals under the table. Squeeze them even more than the legitimate drivers (usually your relatives, friends, and acquaintances) you hired at first. Pay them in cash and tell them if they ever are caught they do not know you and you will not help them.

11. Tell your illegal drivers they should try to get a legal status by claiming a political asylum, “The American government is trusting and slow with its bureaucracy, it will take time to verify your case.” Meanwhile, everyone wins: you are doing a good thing by giving employment to your former compatriots in need and they have a job while they are waiting for their political asylum case resolution.

12. You've already made millions from your new business, 3-5 times on top of your small initial investment of about $5M. Time to expand!

13. Start new partnerships with Russians and Ukrainians who control trucking businesses in many large cities in the US. Just like you, they love fvcking over their former compatriots for cheap and reliable labor. Expand to New York and Miami first, then to the west coast (San Francisco, Los Angeles and Seattle) and south (Houston and Atlanta). The whole trucking world is yours now!