How to Survive Being the Subject of a Smear Campaign

If you're reading this, I'm sorry.

My guess is you're a lot like everyone else. You're a loving caring considerate human being and, you're also fallible, and learning, and growing. If you're here I am guessing you have been made far more aware of the latter, than the former.

I want to start with telling you: You do not deserve that- because no one deserves that. As a matter of fact we are all deserving of the freedom and support while we do what we must do to find and become ourselves. We are deserving of patience. We are deserving of the forgiveness we offer others. We are deserving of kindness. We are deserving of respect.

I want to get that out of the way because if you're reading this, my guess is someone has made you believe you are not deserving of those things. Someone in your life, who you have love and respect for, has decided to mold the truth of your existence to make themselves more comfortable.

It's likely they have told lies about you to other people you respect. It's likely those other people respect them enough that they believe the lies.

Again, I am so sorry. I am so so sorry. You do not deserve it. Because no one deserves it.

Venting is healthy but trying to change the others' interpretations of us as a whole based on the need to be validated by others is not.

We can not stop what is happening. We simply must survive it.

So, for anyone that needs it, I want to help you not only survive this manipulative and deranged avoidant tactic, but also thrive through and beyond it with the knowledge that this is not your fault.

What exactly is a smear campaign?

A smear campaign is when someone intentionally or unintentionally spreads negative and often one-sided information about you to those who know you in order to avoid responsibility for their own feelings, actions, or circumstances.

Smear campaigns are a form of gaslighting to isolate you from your community, and your own opinions of yourself, so that you feel powerless and must return to your abuser, or suffer the consequences

Most often a smear campaign is an abuser's response to the setting of a boundary that they do not like.

Ie) Don't gaslight me, Don't cheat on me, Don't tell me who I can and can not be friends with, Don't try to control my resources, Don't make fun of me, Don't call me crazy.

How can I tell someone is smearing me ?

One of the most obvious signs is that people who were once responsive and supportive of you suddenly drop off. Most likely, these people will not contact you for clarification unless (and the likelihood of this is high) your abuser turns around and runs a smear campaign against them down the line.

And, I'm so sorry, because this really really sucks, pretty much anything you do in response to a smear campaign will not help you.

Your anger is valid, but acting on it will only hurt you.

You can not respond to or stop a smear campaign.

So...What CAN I do ?

You're not going to love it but you are going to have to ride this one out. A smear campaign is only as strong as your response to it. So, less is more, feel me?

I recommend finding a therapist who will validate you and celebrate you exactly as you are, while holding you accountable for the things you actually are responsible for (your own behavior, your own habits, your own goals, your own words)

In the mean time:

REMIND YOURSELF

1) This is only happening because your mere existence as a strong, beautiful,talented, worthy, and kind person is being perceived as a threat

2) This means that someone has to admire you a whole lot in order to do so much to try and bring you down- it's fan behavior.

3) What goes around always comes back around- trust the universe and only put out what you'd like to see coming your way.

DO NOT STOP

Keep improving yourself

Keep living your values

Keep speaking kindness into your life

Express gratitude for all that you do have

Celebrate your personal achievements

Remember, No one is allowed to speak your truth except for you. And no one is allowed to make a judgment of you, except for you. You deserve people who celebrate your joy, and communicate directly with you. You deserve that because everyone deserves that.

No matter what, This is not your fault. You will survive this and hopefully one day, like me, use your experience to confidently tell someone who has had their entire soul gaslit out of them exactly what I am telling you right now. No one deserves it. It's not your fault. Your truth belongs to you. Other people's actions, words, and opinions reflect only on them- no matter how it feels right now.