How to Overcome indecision

[Music] A story from the 14th century describes a very thirsty and hungry donkey that finds a bucket of hay and some water. Confused, the donkey stares at both and is unable to decide which to eat first—the hay or the water. Time goes by, and the poor donkey is still unable to make a decision, so eventually it dies from chronic indecision or chronic thirst and starvation. In the twenty-first century, how many of us still experience that indecision donkey syndrome occasionally? We exaggerate little issues, fail to consider the long-term effects of our choices, and are immobilized at the prospect of making a mistake. As a behavioral scientist with thirty years of experience in the corporate world, I have read a wide variety of books and articles on decision making. The majority of them explain how to make a decision that is better or more intelligent, but very few actually explain the process of making a decision. any decision when you're feeling mentally stuck, but what if you could just figure out why you're having trouble deciding? Well, then, everyone can learn to overcome uncertainty and make confident decisions.

Simply by altering their viewpoint and rephrasing their thoughts around that specific indecision. All you need are three easy science-based strategies, but let's first examine the nature of indecision. Approximately six billion Google searches indicate that we often struggle with simple decisions. Choosing what to dress or what to watch on Netflix may be just as difficult as deciding whether to report wrongdoing, change careers, get a new partner, or launch a new company. Everybody is different, regardless of age, wealth, or poverty. Even though my 82-year-old mother sometimes finds life more difficult than I do, there is one thing that all people have in common: a terrible fear of anxiousness and making the incorrect decision, as well as a need for clarity. Everyone experiences this at some point; in fact, some of you may be experiencing it right now. Raise your hand if you're struggling with a decision of any kind. At the end of the day, you have a lot of expectations placed on you by yourself. According to scientists, you make at least 35 000 decisions every day, 95 of which are made unconsciously. Then, there are the expectations of others, who assume that you are an expert in your field or a parent, and who expect you to know the answer to every question. In the business world, it's frequently the most self-assured leaders who are hired The good news is that once you understand why you get into this mental maze of indecision, it's easier to navigate a way out. There could be a host of different reasons for this indecision, so while it may feel safer to be unsure and not make a decision, it really does carry consequences, whether they be ethical, financial, or social. You might simply not be very picky about whether to travel to Rome or Paris, or you might think that hiring Betty or Benny is a waste of money because there are too many options available. Your ability to prioritize may be affected by a number of factors, including your personality—you may be a nice person who wants to keep everyone happy, but we all know how that ends. Many people are proud of themselves and want to make the perfect decision, which equally causes just as many problems. You may feel under pressure, morally conflicted, and like everyone is watching you. Three inner voices actually determine how long you stay in this mental maze of hesitation because, like the indecision donkey, sometimes you are persuaded that only one solution—either the water or the hay—is the right answer. The idea that this choice I'm making is simply too huge for me to handle, or that it will be too far off in the future for me to handle, or that it's just too difficult and I don't want to or won't, so what should I do, some people could ask? Science will point to something else that is more beneficial, but for now, walk the dog, sleep on it, use your gut, and call a buddy. reframing is a psychological technique where you change your perception of a particular situation.

For example, a problem is often reframed as a challenge. A challenge may also be reframed as an opportunity in your youth. A drunken text may even have been reframed as a learning experience. There are many examples of these reframes that people use frequently, and the reasoning behind them is fairly obvious. if you turn something upside down inside out and look at it differently you gain perspective you gain a distance from the particular situation and hence an opportunity to move forward and in exactly the same way if you take these unconscious ideas that your dilemma is too big it's too far it's too hard and you consciously make yourself feel that it's smaller sooner and easier you will find a way through than this maze so let's take the first of these the idea that it's too big what i call the proportional frame now my niece is overworked and underpaid it's her first job and she has completely magnified out of all proportion this will i go or will i stay decision so much so that she's avoiding the decision altogether and sitting on the fence now i understand it i really do in my career i had a job offer and i deliberated delayed so long that they actually rescinded the offer and took it back this is not a good place to be so how can you adopt this way of thinking well you reverse the thought so you take something that's big and you make it feel smaller just like anyone would do with any large you know project you in effect you mentally shrink the decision so my ninja niece deconstructs the problem instead of thinking of the top 10 or 20 most important factors for consideration just look at the top three and then critique that idealized outcome Perhaps this job isn't so ideal after all—less autonomy, a longer commute—and by purposefully pointing out flaws in something, you lessen its significance and impact in your mind, which makes it easier to handle. Of all, a decision that is shared is always a decision. decreased This downsizing technique is effective for a wide range of choices. in 1969 nafa put man on the moon that was a huge decision or was it the astronauts will actually tell you that it was a series of thousands of micro moments of indecision that eventually became decisions and right across industry we also see this researchers from ucla and cornell tested the effect of reframing on savings in decision is it really possible that say that telling a consumer to save five dollars a day rather than 150 dollars a month which is of course the exact same thing that really make a difference to people's behavior well it did by a factor of four four times as many consumers enrolled in this particular savings program why because it's easier to think small about big decisions and it's easier to think about days rather than months and when thinking about days even though it might be easier it's not necessarily better which leads us to the temporal frame and again this idea that the rewards are so far in the future there's just too much for today's sacrifice we all know we ought to save for retirement scroll less smoke less network more and protect the planet but we are short-term present oriented impatient people we want everything now we live in a culture of now rapid response instant wealth, instant weight loss, and so we put things off, saying things like, "I'll think about it tomorrow and solve that problem." The problem with that, though, is that everyone is thinking about tomorrow because it's the busiest day of the year, and you stay longer in that maze because of it. So how do we change this way of thinking? This reverse framing—well, first of all, keep in mind that you are faced with a problem. Consider it, and ask yourself how this choice will feel in a week, a month, a year, or a decade. It's difficult, but it begins to change your perspective and help you step outside of the moment.

Scientists will advise making it simpler. When you visualize yourself two weeks, two months, two years, or two decades in the future, what you're really doing is bringing your future self back to the present moment so you can make the decision at that moment. Scientists have tested this with virtual reality avatars, age-progressed photos, and what they have found is that it does impact behavior and that people have indicated an intention to eat less, cheat less, smoke less, and save more. We see this in sports; professional golfers use the visualization technique when they're faced with a difficult shot, and they teach it in clinics and hospitals; therapists use it with patients undergoing rehabilitation programs when they're finding it difficult to see their future selves; organizations can use it with this extremely difficult will In my own experimental research, I discovered that while 92 employees said they would be prepared to speak up, only 99 really did so. This is where businesses go wrong—they frequently make strong appeals to corporate culture. Corporate culture is a long-term process, and people are naturally impatient and short-term oriented. To avoid procrastination, it is better to try to get employees to solve a problem right away so they can picture themselves helping a colleague or their company. All of this is supported by emotion, which is, of course, the third frame this idea that it's too hard that idea that you're thinking of maybe the consequences you feel are too final maybe you feel they're irreversible and that the stakes are too high and you fear this regret, humiliation, and shame of making a mistake. I see this everywhere from CEOs to people across the spectrum. How can we simplify something complex? How can we increase our comfort level when making decisions that we think are risky? Let's be crystal clear and frame the decision in a favorable light. A bad choice can never be a good one.

. Making a decision on redundancy or end-of-life care will never be beneficial. This is about altering your perspective on that specific choice, so let's look at one of the most searched terms on Google: "will I break up with my partner?" The question itself seems fairly binary—you either break up or you don't—but that can be a mistake. Instead of viewing things that way, either way, or expand optionality The point of doing this and having more options is that you reduce the sense of fear finality and foreboding when you're afraid to make that particular decision. Then, consider the stories that you're telling yourself if you choose to believe that 90% of people who break up end up in abject misery rather than having a shot at the fairy tale happy ever after ending. Simon Garfunkel will have you believe that there are 50 ways to leave your lover. I'm not suggesting that you consider perhaps two or three. Even before you get to this point, you know you can take a holiday, see a therapist, have a trial separation, or an open marriage. All of this has its roots in the work of Daniel Kahneman's gain framing and Martin Seligman's positive psychology self-narratives. The impact of positive framing was never more evident globally than it was under the Covet government regulations. Medical professionals around the world urge people to wear masks with the simple appeal that masks save lives; it was an appeal to hope, emotion, and protecting family, and in many cases it worked, shifting people out of indecision. Now, if you're still stumped by your dilemma and wondering what to do, I'd like to share with you my own technique, which I call the probability test. It consists of three very basic questions: what is the worst thing that could happen if I make this decision? Then, I ask what is the likelihood that this will happen, and if it does, what will I do? The reason I believe this works is because it replays the three frames After considering and visualizing the worst-case scenario, I've come to the conclusion that the likelihood of a disaster occurring is probably low. As a result, I've reduced the likelihood that I will have to make this important decision. Moreover, because I now have some flexibility and choice regarding my options, I feel more optimistic about it, more confident, and more able to proceed. In the end, perspective is everything. Anyone can alter their perspective and quickly escape this labyrinth of mental uncertainty by applying the reverse framing principles and comprehending why they are there in the first place. Being undecided is only a temporary state The final reframe comes from indecision itself. If you choose to change the idea that indecision is a paralyzing problem and look at it as an opportunity to gain a broader perspective, you really will make not just a decision but a better decision and a smarter decision. Thank you very much. Consider all the decisions you've made in your life—in your 20s, 30s, and 40s. Most of them worked out pretty well.