Six behaviors to increase your confidence

Written by Glenny Lapaix Commentator: Vivian Lim My mother asked me to buy pizza for the family one Friday night while I was a high school student. I quickly gave my older brother the phone to make the call after finding the number in the phone directory. I was too hesitant to approach strangers. Let's fast-forward to my first time away from my tiny town—college at the University of Illinois. Too homesick to join in on the early freshman party scene, I spent the first few weeks of my freshman year crying in my dorm room. I wanted to give up my major, return to my little town, and trade in my books after the one frat party I went to, which was really disappointing. I didn't have the self-assured actions I required to go for my desire yet. I too desired that kind of assurance when I observed the self-assured kids strolling around campus with their heads held high, chasing goals they had set out to accomplish.

. However, my actions did not match these assured viewpoints. I knew that crying in my dorm room, avoiding social situations, and skipping class because I thought other people were brighter than me would not help me reach my objective. I just knew that I had to make a change. According to research, you should start changing people's behaviors rather than their attitudes in order to influence them to change. People start acting differently when they can perceive themselves acting in a different way. I so asked myself, "Who am I?" "Who do I want to be?" and "What kind of person do I want to be?" I replied that I wanted a fulfilling profession that would enable me to make a difference. And a career as a sports executive was how I personally defined that. I had to start acting more boldly if I was going to accomplish my goal. I also did. Because I was the first female general manager of a Triple-A baseball team in almost 20 years, 13 years later. (Voices up) I'm grateful. (Claps) I then went on to host the "Leadership is Female" podcast, where I have conducted interviews with more than ninety female leaders in the sports sector—an industry where over 80% of managers and above are men. And these ladies have often informed me that their confidence is the most important quality they have developed in order to merit their position at the top of the sports sector. Like me, they lacked the self-assurance needed to advance in their careers from the beginning. Developing the actions that go along with this mindset was necessary for them to advance in their career. I'm here to discuss with you six actions that you can take right now to boost your self-esteem. Why is it crucial that we have more confidence? Consider this: If you had ten times more confidence, how would you act or what could you accomplish?

First and foremost, include yourself. I talked to a woman who was covering a nationally televised basketball game for the first time. As she stood courtside, trembling in her heels, her nerves took hold of her until she recognized something in her headset. "You're live; we'll be on in five, and three, two, one." And she gave a superb performance. The anxiety vanished. She's athletic, having played basketball in the past and is accustomed to playing by the clock. And the strategy held true. Counting will help you get underway, and momentum will sustain you. I've applied this method. I'll share one awkward discussion I've had with you today, though I've had more than I'd like to remember. I still clearly recall standing 45 minutes before kickoff on the baseball field's warning track, staring at the opposing manager and his squad in their incorrectly colored uniforms. I wanted to turn around and flee back up to my office. However, I turned to face him and mentally whispered, "Three, two, one, go." And I moved in his direction. We had an awkward debate regarding his team's incorrectly colored uniform when I got there. Yes, I had to request that these adult males change into new attire. It was really uncomfortable. However, when I questioned, "Who am I? And how do I act? I'm a person who isn't afraid to confront controversy and stand up for what I think is right. That was my response. I started with counting, and I continued because of momentum.

. Second, what if you just needed to muster your courage for a scant twenty seconds? Take twenty seconds to brave yourself. When I released my podcast, "Leadership is Female," with a bold title and everything, for everyone to see, hear, comment on, and share their thoughts on, this behavior really helped me. I still clearly recall examining the "Upload" button on my computer while perched on the carpet of my closet floor and asking myself, "Does it require any more edits? Should I give it another listen? "Emily, give yourself 20 seconds of courage," I told myself. When I clicked "Publish," it was finished. And what do you know? The globe continued to spin, and I continued to breathe. And the podcast developed into its intended form. All thanks to 20 brave seconds. Thirdly, go to your seat at the table. Not in a figurative sense; really, have a seat at the table. During our conversation, a lady who represents some of baseball's greatest names told me a story about sitting down at a table. Around the room's perimeter, she observed women standing around, awaiting the filling of seats. Even worse, she was participating in it as well. She needed to go in, take a seat, express her opinions, and close the deal if she wanted to become the more self-assured lady she imagined herself to be. That began with one easy step: sitting down at the table.

Fourth, show your support for the achievements of others. It is said that women will follow suit and climb the ladder. What would happen if you didn't? What if you reached back and guided her forward with your hand? What if you rejoiced in a colleague's accomplishment instead of feeling sorry for yourself since you weren't the one getting the awards? Those that are confident don't feel threatened by the success of others; rather, they applaud it. Good for her, not for me is a wonderful remark by Amy Poehler that comes to mind. That pit in your gut that says, "Oh, she did that? And I remain here." to "Yes! Well done, her! Not in my opinion. Not mine, but hers is this celebration. And won't it be wonderful to have so many people around me to support me when the time comes? Togetherness is the best way to celebrate victories. Participate; encourage someone else. This is the fourth in action: A woman was recently elevated to the position of chief marketing officer at a prominent sports organization. After her public jubilation and heartfelt congratulations to the freshly chosen female league president, she received an offer to interview and eventually secured the position. People who are confident encourage those around them. Encourage someone else's accomplishments.

Fifth, use your existing excellent success in one activity to boost your confidence for a new one. What is it that you excel at? What has gotten easier in the past year? What is the achievement you are most proud of? Respond to their inquiries. Consider those responses. It is from those responses that your confidence originates. All of the things we have already accomplished and done give us confidence. A woman I spoke with for the podcast "Leadership is Female" recently pursued a huge promotion at a premier club. She studied her current job description, produced a list of her accomplishments in every category, and was ready with examples and assurance of her prior success before meeting with her supervisor to make her presentation. The promotion went to her. Make the most of your past achievements to advance oneself.

Sixth, never stop celebrating. How frequently do we accomplish our objectives and then just move on right away? The memory of that accomplishment is weakened when we act in this way. If we can't recall what we accomplished, or worse, associate that achievement with worry, how can we proceed with confidence? Discover meaningful ways to celebrate, such as making a highlight clip of your proudest achievements on your phone. After you seal the big deal, take your staff out for celebratory drinks. When your personal goals are met, treat yourself to a massage or even place an order for pizza. It matters that you celebrate, not how you celebrate. Your brain will then be marked to rewire and reinforce the actions that first brought you success. From the girl who couldn't order pizza to the woman who launched a podcast, gave a TEDx lecture, and became general manager of a minor league baseball team, I've come a long way. all because I choose to grow into a more self-assured individual. And hopefully, so do you. Because if you had ten times more confidence, how many more runs could you score? I'm grateful. (Cheers) (Applause)