How to Make a Mess

I've judged myself for the ways I don't measure up. I know the best practices for being a functioning adult human. They involve apps, calendar reminders, gallon-sized water bottles, getting up early, and working out in the morning. Find the life hacks that will help you squeeze yourself into the right box.

But much like I can't wear a size six shoe because I'm an eight, I've learned that I can't time-manage, budget, and optimize myself into perfection. So this spring, I'm letting go of perfection and freeing myself to approach life in my own chaotic way.

I know a thing or two about making a mess. I'm kicking off the spring of 2021 by saying that's okay. Here are some of the ways I regularly mess up, and how I've learned to stop beating myself up over it.

Making and Breaking Routines

Becoming a different person has always been appealing to me because, as I've said, I’m kind of a mess. So I love starting new routines. Give me a 30-day elimination diet or a 30-day yoga series and I’m there.

Each time I start a new routine, I become insufferable and say I’m actually starting a new lifestyle. This time, I tell myself (and anyone who will listen) I’m going to stick with it. This time, I’ll become a different person.

Then the problems start. I break my streak. And once I break my streak, I quit.

At the beginning of this year, I completed a thirty-day yoga series and even kept at it for another two weeks. But when a migraine knocked me down for several days, I skipped my practice and the spell was broken. No more yoga. I failed, so what was the point?

But a month later, I got back on the mat. And that’s when I realized something.

I've been so busy punishing myself for mistakes that I end up holding myself back. There is nothing to gain from guilt. Falling out of habits and routines is part of the process, and so is falling back into them.

My Messy Bedroom

There have been many points in my life during which I’ve let my clothes pile on the floor until they are as deep as a kiddie pool. Don’t worry, they’re usually clean clothes.

But how does this happen? Well, sometimes the cat wants to sit in the bottom drawer of my dresser and I oblige him by removing at least half of the contents; at least one of us deserves happiness, right?

Then there are the times when I realize I actually hate every item of clothing I’ve ever bought. Getting dressed becomes a battle that ends with its casualties strewn about the floor, to be picked up at an undetermined point in the future. Some of my favorite clothes get lost this way, only rediscovered years later like a piece of medieval armor resurfacing on an old English battlefield.

When the piles of discarded clothing become too overwhelming, I’ll start gathering up items to put in the laundry. Inevitably, on my way to the hamper, I’ll realize that I should also clean the cat’s bowl, and also rearrange the toiletries on my dresser, and I probably need to sweep. Can you see where this is heading?

I complete about a third of a task before moving onto the next one. And you know what? There’s no point in hating myself for it. Eventually, the room is clean again. And one day, it will be messy again, too.

My Scary Inbox

I have 10,000 unread emails in my inbox. Yep, I'm one of those people.

I'll sign up for an email list to get a 10% off promo code that I then neglect to use (usually because I discover I’d have to pay for shipping). Side note: I have a theory that we probably should be paying for shipping -- the non-Amazons of the world deserve a fair shot.

Like my piles of clothing, my inbox is another archeological opportunity. If I go back far enough, I'm sure I can find drafts of my master's dissertations, friends' old resumes, concert tickets, and other digital ephemera. I would say that one day I'll clean it, but I'm not here to lie to you.

The practical advice is: don’t be like me. Unsubscribe from email lists. Delete the promotions you don’t need.

Or don’t. Keep your emails. Would #InboxZero really make either of us into a better person? If your answer is yes, we probably wouldn’t get along, and that’s okay. We can't like everybody we meet. But the world needs all kinds of people. And some of those people are going to have scary inboxes.

Running Out of Time

Being on time is a huge struggle for me. It’s one of my ADHD symptoms. The problem is that our society ties punctuality to respect, and many people subscribe to the idea that if you’re not early, you’re late. And if you are late, you are irresponsible, or worse, disrespectful of others’ time.

I used to be so hard on myself because I couldn't be on time for anything scheduled for the morning. And if I was on time, I certainly wasn’t awake. I was barely alive.

If you're like me, being honest with yourself is the best way to manage these kinds of struggles (or symptoms).

If you are given a choice between a 9 a.m. appointment and a 3 p.m. appointment and you know you struggle in the mornings, pick the afternoon option.

You may want to show how responsible you are by choosing an earlier time (I’ve been guilty of that one), but you won’t show up as your best self. Set yourself up for success when you can.

On the other side, let’s all give each other more grace. Is someone you know perpetually late? Do they take days or even weeks to text back? Do they forget your birthday every year? It probably has nothing to do with their level of respect for you. Instead, focus on all the ways they show you they care.

Be Kind

Ultimately, focusing on my flaws has never gotten me very far. Forgivness is the better option.

Some people may find the three flaws I've just described as unforgivable for anyone who has left childhood, especially when there are so many tips and tricks we can use to optimize our lives or try to. The internet is full of life hacks, from meal prep ideas to work-out videos, and project management tools.

But it's not always possible to program ourselves into perfection.

We can begin the spring of 2021 with new habits and routines, but the best approach may be to focus on outlook and attitude.

The thing we may need most is kindness for ourselves and others. So if you're a little messy, maybe that's not so bad. Generosity is worth far more than a cleared to-do list.