How to Let Go of Expectations and Pursue What You Really Want

I grew up with a lot of expectations - from other people in my life and mine. I had to finish school, do my best, finish college, get married, have children, and succeed in everything I did.

Our family was supportive; however, they never really pressured me to work. I had to push myself, and push hard.

I finished high school, then went to college with a bachelor's degree, then got my counseling license, and then my bachelor's. I got married and had a daughter. But I was unhappy.

I didn't really want to get married. I wanted independence and solitude, and I wasn't sure if this person was "the one".

I was trying to live up to my expectations.

My older sister is the smartest person I know, and she knew this was not for me. Still, I was always stubborn, so even though others told me not to, I got married anyway.

I wanted to succeed, and being successful meant living up to my expectations.

I had to get married at the age of twenty-three, whether I wanted that or not.

I could not get a divorce because I would have to admit that I was a failure. My expectations prevented me from real life.

I wondered if I could really complain. He was a good husband and father. One would think that this would be enough to stay in the marriage even if I did not want to get married to begin with.

One day I realized that I needed to be happy, and I decided to give up my belief that I would fail if I got a divorce. So that's what I did.

I have learned that some relationships are like milk. They pass the expiration date, and eventually become sour.

Sometimes my old personality wants to blame me and accuse me of "quitting," but the new one to me says, "You have the courage to stand up and do something scary."

To do that, I needed to connect with what I really wanted and not worry about what others thought of me.

If you also live a life you don't like because you think that's what you should be doing:

Be honest with yourself.

Put yourself first because you can't take care of someone else unless you care about yourself. Don't worry about what others might expect of you; think about what you want for yourself. Releasing expectations (self-determination and self-disclosure) will set you free.

Be honest with yourself about what might happen to you.

You can do more than you can imagine. I was honest with myself that I could have a house without my spouse. I had a vision for my future and I didn't need to live in an unwanted situation.

Set goals that you can achieve.

A person with unreasonable expectations will set a goal that is not attainable and give up before he can start because of doubts. Set realistic goals, based on what you really want, which you believe you can attain.

I knew I wanted to complete my bachelor’s degree but I gave myself a one-year leave after completing my counseling license. If I pushed myself to the wrong goal, I would give up before I started. Based on my time and resources, I knew I would set myself up for success if I didn't rush.

Learn to celebrate every little victory.

Be proud of your small daily accomplishments rather than just enjoying great accomplishments.

For example, I needed to get out of debt by saving my house money instead of waiting until I closed the house to commend myself. Giving credit where you are going will help you stay motivated to keep working hard towards achieving your goal.

Ask for help.

Do not try to do everything yourself; you will be burned. Although I know I can do it on my own, I ask for help. It is a healthy balance between being independent and dependent on others. Asking for help can also put you out of control so you can see where the expectations are.

You have to have bad days to enjoy the good.

Not all days will be good, but we would never know what a good day would be like without our adventures. When I have a bad day, I tell myself, “Tomorrow will be better!” When I have a special day, I keep it in my mind so that I can remember it later.

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I believe that many things can happen if you put your mind to it. Being honest with yourself about what you really want will allow you to make decisions that can lead to a happy, rewarding life