How To Lead When You Don’t Want To

Leadership is not for everybody. Some people prefer to keep to themselves and do the work required of them, especially when it comes to working in a team. Others like to take charge and establish themselves as the leader of the group.

Whichever category you believe suits you the best, there comes a time when the choice between the two is taken away, and you find yourself appointed to lead a group to success. Whether that be in a school, work or even a family environment, certain situations will call on you to take charge whether you want to or not.

Like a lot of people, my personality is quite reserved. Although I don’t mind putting myself out there, I often prefer to hide away and wait for the more natural leader to assume their position.

And that’s understandable. I mean, why put yourself in a position where it feels unnatural and uncomfortable? A position where you are essentially responsible and liable for the actions of others in your team.

Recently, I found myself in a similar situation. I was given a 4-week group project with four other people, who were all boys. We all introduced ourselves and got acclimatized with one another. As I usually do, I stepped back and waited for the “leader” of the group to take their position but it never happened.

It turns out that every member of the group was doing the same thing. Waiting for someone to take control. About a week passed and we were beginning to fall behind. There was very little communication, people would not turn up or contribute and it was getting difficult to keep up with our fast-paced project.

Around this time, I realised someone had to keep everyone organised and the longer I waited the more we were behind. I was very hesitant to do so, mostly because I was afraid to be assertive.

These were people I had just met and I felt that if I started telling people what to do, their perception of me would change. I would no longer be seen as a friend but rather as someone who wants to gain control over everyone. In a way, I wanted to people please, and not do or say anything that may come across as hostile.

And I think that’s where a lot of people’s hesitation to lead stems from. The fear of pushing people you wish to form a relationship with away. Especially if you find yourself in a new environment where you are keen to make a good first impression.

There’s no easy way to go about it but being a leader requires some level of assertion. While you can’t force people to have the same level of dedication as you do, it is important to remember that there is a job to be done. Trying to portray yourself as agreeable and friendly will gain you favour amongst your peers, but will inevitably hinder the work you produce as a team.

This does not mean you should become abusive or tyrannical, but it may mean you have to make some unpopular calls or call out others when they aren’t carrying their weight. No matter what your peers may think of you at that moment when all the work is said and done, they will learn to appreciate you and the results.

So if you ever find yourself in a position where others look to you to call the shots, remember to keep the endgame in mind. Lead by example and let your hard work inspire those around you. Be respectful of others and be considerate of their abilities.

There will be times when it will get uncomfortable but try not to avoid it. It is in tough times like these where we can grow and go farther than we, or anyone else, ever thought we could.

“Be tolerant with others and strict with yourself”

-Marcus Aurelius