How to feel like you're on vacation

For more than three years I have lived in a suitcase and traveled around the world making a combination of volunteering, living in houses, and sleeping on a bed.

This journey started after I decided to change my life. Within a week, I applied for a divorce, quit my high-paying job in New York, quit my PhD at the Ivy League school, sold all my possessions, and flew to South America.

After six months of volunteering in Brazil, I began to realize that when I was born and raised in New York, I had never really felt at home.

While I always knew I had a problem with a lot of external conditions, it was the way I felt inside when I came back from South America that made me realize how misunderstood and unhappy I was when I was there.

So flying in South America was the first step in a long struggle to find a new home. Since then, I have traveled to more than thirty states in the US and have been accepted into many homes, losing count. I view all of this as an opportunity to learn how other people feel about home.

Here are five ways in which I can improve the quality of my home, and how you can do the following:

1. Seek safety.

Feeling safe is a basic human need and is part of the foundation that allows us to relax and open up the world around us. Feeling safe is not just a feeling of well-being; it is a feeling of emotional and psychological well-being, too.

Too many things can make space feel insecure, everything from unstable relationships, to unfamiliar places, to dirty living conditions. Growing up, there was a lot of unspoken disagreements in the house, and when I got married, I never felt emotionally secure with my current husband.

Having traveled a few years ago, I have reassured you that if we do not feel safe, we are less likely to feel at home. Because of this, there were places where I thought I would stay for weeks after I left for a few hours, and there were places I thought I would spend one night and then stay for a few months.

Anyone or anything that interferes with your sense of security will be an obstacle to your quest to feel at home. Remove these obstacles by moving forward from adverse conditions or by developing healthy boundaries that help keep your environment safe.

2. Connect with people.

While the physical environment (home, apartment, condo) can provide a level of external structure and stability, it is the people around us who actually build or demolish a home. We all need a community of people who feel understood and supported.

When I lived on Long Island, it seemed like I had a huge network of people around me. But as I went along I found communities of like-minded people, I saw how I felt incomprehensible and cut off I felt growing up. When I heard the hugs and hugs of those around me, it was hard to respond a little.

Communicating with others requires effort and time. Talk to those around you and really listen to what they have to say. Be aware of how you feel when you have them; if you are close to those who feel like home, you will know. Keep searching until you find a community of people who feel right for you.

3. Explore and try new things.

It is easy to take for granted everything our site offers. But it is more likely that more is happening than we think. If we can learn to look at life as if we were on an adventure, we will feel more motivated to explore what lies ahead.

When I arrive in a new city, I have no zero expectations for what I want to see or do; instead, I talk to people in the community and ask them for advice. This is how I ended up floating on a river in Missoula, Montana; learned salsa dancing in Boulder, Colorado; and explored the artwork in a small park on the outskirts of St. Louis. Louis, Missouri.

Bring a sense of enthusiasm into everything you do, as if you were a child seeing everything for the first time. Be curious, ask questions, and read the details; everywhere and everyone cares. Do not be afraid to go out and examine; this exploration will help you build the deepest connections around the world needed to feel at home.

4. Spend time alone.

Improving the feeling of home is as much an internal finding as it is an external thing. Being present and knowing our feelings and understanding will help guide us in making the necessary changes to feel at home.

Although I travel a lot, I still make time for myself every day. I get up and practice yoga, go for a long walk alone, meditate, write and spend long hours in silence as a way to clear my mind.

Take time alone each day and use this time to look at your feelings. Ask how people and nature make you feel. A trip that goes very deep as you walk outside and wonder what you can do to make the space you are in feel like home.

5. Slow down.

It can be tempting to rush in and out of new places, trying to explore and connect. But to improve the feeling of home, we must slow down enough to really feel the people and places we find ourselves in; the same concept applies to areas we have been living in all our lives.

There have been several times in the last few years where I have found that I am stuck and need to see and do everything the city has to offer. This not only happens, but it is also frustrating. Focusing on quality in terms of quantity, in all my interactions with others and in my own experience, has been far more powerful in creating a sense of home than in getting a laundry list of things in between.