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How To Cultivate Self Worth

7 Steps I Used To Have Confidence Devoid of Ego

By Heart Centered UniversePublished 2 years ago 10 min read
How To Cultivate Self Worth
Photo by Pawel Czerwinski on Unsplash

Knowing your worth and having confidence is the key to a successful life. Self esteem is necessary to be successful in your career, your love life, and even in your personal relationships. I believe that high self worth is the #1 thing anyone can cultivate that would greatly improve absolutely every area of your life.

So many people wonder how to achieve high self worth, even when it seems like nothing is going their way. They don't feel smart enough, pretty, enough, or successful enough to feel entitled to have confidence that they desire. If only they could just lose 20 pounds, manifest their soulmate, land the job they wanted, then they would be happy.

But what if I told you you could have confidence right now, and you wouldn't need to do that much to get it? It's all about changing your perspective and shifting your mindset.

Here are the 7 things I did to gain confidence and raise my self esteem (high self worth is not to be confused with having a large ego!):

1. Heal Your Inner Childhood Wounds

By Caleb Woods on Unsplash

Were you raised by a narcissist that made you feel like nothing you did was ever good enough? Did you suffer a tremendous loss at an early age that you never fully grieved or healed from? Did you suffer some sort of trauma as a young child?

Whatever you childhood wounding is, I can make a bet that this is where the majority of your insecurities come from. The first step is to identify what the wounding is, and where it came from. The next step is to forgive yourself! You were a child after all! There was absolutely nothing you could have done to "get away" from it or set better boundaries. You were a weak, dependant child, and you had no choice but to endure whatever it was that you went through.

But the great news is that now that you are an adult, you are capable of fixing it! In fact, it's up to you, and only you to heal these inner wounds. Work with a therapist or find others who went through similar circumstances. By sharing your feelings with others, you'll be better able to process them, understand them, and finally release them and forgive those responsible.

2. Understand That Self Worth Does NOT Come From What You Have

By Alexander Mils on Unsplash

This one is the biggest mistake you could make. Self esteem and confidence does not come from what you have. In fact, it doesn't come from any external source. It doesn't come from the recognition you get in your carrer. It won't magically appear once your bank account hits a certain number. You'll never suddenly be confident once you've got that manision, yacht or fancy car. And you certainly won't automatically have high self worth when you find the right partner! Stop looking for it outside of yourself. True confidence comes from within.

3. Realize That You Are DIVINE

By Marcos Paulo Prado on Unsplash

So what does that mean, "confidence comes from within"? Well, it simply means that you, as a divine soul, deserve happiness and abundance because it is your natural birthright. The natural state of our souls is one of pure love, joy and bliss. Ask anyone who has had a NDE (near death experience) and they'll all tell you the same thing: Once you cross over, it feels like "being bathed in pure, divine love". But I say, why wait until we die and cross over? If love and bliss is our natural state as a divine soul, I'm claiming mine right now.

If you can understand the concept that you are divine, high self esteem will follow. You don't have to do a God damn thing in order to feel worthy, your mere existence proves it.

I was able to discover my divinity by doing daily meditations. It's easier than you think, just go on YouTube and type in "guided meditation for self esteem" and make sure to do it daily.

Of course, just because you are a divine soul and are perfect exactly as you are, doesn't mean that you should just stop trying to improve yourself. I make sure to do at least one thing every day to improve myself or take care of myself. Sometimes that would be going to the gym, other days it would be taking a hot bath and giving myself a foot massage. Other days it would be to just sit with my feelings, and honor my sadness and grief, instead of running away from them.

Self care is the ultimate form of self love, and you cannot accomplish your life's mission if you're worn out and exhausted. The more time you spend taking care of yourself, the better you will feel. Why wait for someone else to love you before you're happy, when you can love you right now and be in a state of complete joy? Take time for you, you deserve it!

4. Never Compare Yourself to Others

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This one is huge, and very difficult in the age of social media. First off, remember that social media isn't real. Someone may be posting all their material possessions but are actually miserable inside. Acquring material possessions has become a way for this person to temporarily "buy" happiness, yet every time it fails to make them happy. But they just keep buying and trying.

Maybe you're jealous of your friend who's posting her fabulous vacation on social media. But do you really know what it took to get her there? Are you aware of all the hard work she's put in, all of the sacrifices she's made? No, you don't. So don't ever compare your life to someone else's life. Comparision is the thief of joy. Don't fall into this trap, you're smarter than that! If someone is jealous of you, just know that you're doing something right. Losers don't have haters. Read that last sentence again.

By the same token, there are those who are going through tremendous challenges, you may be one of those people yourself. Instead of lamenting on how difficult your life is, realize that your soul chose this specific challenge in order to grow and learn. It sounds preposterous that someone would really chose to have such hardships. But imagine if life was all butterflies and rainbows, would you ever have the chance to grow and spiritually evolve? I choose to take life's challenges and turn it into something positive. I use it to motivate me to try something different and step out of my comfort zone. Whether you rise up, like a phoneix from the ashes, or spiral down into a puddle of self pity...the choice is yours and yours alone. Choose wisely.

5. Stay Away From Anyone Who Tries To Bring You Down

By Obie Fernandez on Unsplash

This one is difficult, I must say. Sometimes the person chipping away at your self esteem is a member of your own family! Other times it's someone you thought was a friend, and they're doing it oh-so subtly for so many years that you may not have even noticed.

Cut toxic, negative, and narcissistic people out of your life immediately. If you can't cut them out, then limit your exposure to their abuse, name calling and insults. When they lash out, do not dignify it with a response! Let them realize that you will only talk to them if they speak to you in a non-threatening way and respect your boundaries. Narcissists need to have enablers, but you do not need to be one of them! Step away from the drama and find your inner peace.

Stop trying to please everyone and make yourself your number 1 priority. Make pleasing yourself and making yourself happy more important than anything thing else. This is not to suggest that you stomp all over people and be selfish every day, there's a difference. This is more about letting go of the need to make everyone happy and have everyone like you. That's damn near impossible, you know that, right? Learn how to set clear and firm boundaries, and then stick to them.

If you've been the people pleaser for so long like I was, the people that you start setting boundaries are not going to be pleased. But we don't care about pleasing them, remember? We are pleasing ourselves from now on, thank you very much. And if they don't like it, show them the door.

When people srtart to fall away from your life, this is actauly a good sign. It means you're becoming more self- aware and evolving. Please don't take it personally that these people no longer want to be in your life. Their frequency simply doesn't match yours anymore. And it doesn't mean they're "bad" or that you are somehow better than them, it just means you're farther along on your ascension process. Your high vibe doesn't sync up with their low vibe, and that's ok. Realize that sometimes your light shines so bright, that others simply cannot handle it! Your light illuminates everything dark inside of them, and they're just not ready to deal with their inner demons.

One thing that started happening as I cut out the toxic and negative people is that it opened up the space for new, high vibe friends to come in! Sweet!

And yes, you will lose friends. You're family may think you're nuts and label you as "selfish". But just because they think you're a certain way or call you a name does not make it a true statement. Their insults can only hurt you if you care about what they think. Stop caring about what they think-it's way more important what you think. After all, you have to be with you 100% of the time, so why wouldn't your opinion of you matter the most?

You need to become your own best friend. If you are happy with your own company then you will never be lonely.

6. Focus On Your Strengths and Capitilize On Your Gifts

By KirstenMarie on Unsplash

We all have things we are good at, and things we suck at. Instead of always focusing on the negative about yourself, accentuate the positives. Let's say for example, you have been trying to lose weight. Instead of complaining and pointing out to yourself that you're not the size you were in college or before you had babies, try instead to feel proud that you are strong and can carry two babies, one on each hip.. at the same time!

This is just an example from my own life. I've always been into lifting weights and doing my workout routines and classes. But at 46 and after giving birth to three babies, instead of comparing my body to my pre-baby size, I choose to look at my imperfect body as a miracle! I am proud that I am strong, and I'm not comparing myself to anyone else, not even my younger "on the runway model" self. She may have had an amazing body, but she didn't have anywhere near the wisdom and high self worth that I have today. That's one of life's little ironies...when we're younger we look so damn good, yet we are insecure. As we age and start to "sag" (for lack of a better word) is when we finally realize that our confidence doesn't come from what we see reflected in the mirror. Touche.

7. Remember The Source

By Guillaume de Germain on Unsplash

Having high self esteem should not be confused with arrogance and an over inflated ego. If you're running around thinking that you're smarter than everyone else and trying to prove it, it does the opposite of what you think it should. Instead of convincing people how great you are, it actually only reveals your deepest insecurities. Confidence is quiet, insecurities are loud. It is very possible to be confident and protray your high self worth without briging others down or trying to sabotage someone else's success.

Anytime I write something and think to myself "yea-this is a darn good article, I'm an amazing writer", I gently remind myself of the Source. Everything comes from the Divine, and I know that my Spirit Guides are giving me downloads because of the good karma I've accrued over the years by always striving to doing the right thing. Even if I mess up and make a mistake (which we all do), I go out of my way to apologize to the offended party. I've even apologized when I wasn't the one that did anything wrong, just in case their feelings were hurt in the process. Although I may rethink doing this in the future because what I got back was: "apology accepted" instead of what I had hoped for: an "oh-I'm sorry too" let's be freinds again type of vibe. Some people will just never get it. And those are not your people. I was grateful that I saw their true colors and I moved on.

Everything comes from God and is a blessing. He can just as easily take it all away without warning. By keeping this in mind, I'm always immensely grateful for everything I have. And I know that we never really "own" anything, we are merely using it for a time. After all, we can't take any of these material possessions with us when we leave this physical plane and cross over to the spirit realm. That keeps things in perspective :)

Rebecca J. Brock is a real estate agent, writer, part time model/actress and mother based in Miami Beach, FL.

Follow her on Instagram @rebeccajbrock

Subscribe to her YouTube Heart Centered Universe

self help

About the Creator

Heart Centered Universe

Author of Transcendence A Memoir, SAG Actress, and Real Estate Agent based in Miami Beach, FL. My blog is about what I feel called to share with the world🌍 Be Happy and VIBE HIGH! ⭐️❤️

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