How Taking A Break From Self-Improvement Helped Me Heal

I am a self-improvement junkie.

It all started when I was 6 years old and got a cute little note book full of life advice from my grandfather. Then was a book of wisdom with quotes written in beautiful calligraphy with floral illustrations.

That’s where I found Emerson stating what would become my life motto:

Nothing great was ever achieved without enthusiasm.

In college, I stumbled upon Pinterest from then my Motorola phone gallery became an inspirational quote database.

Books like ‘The magic of thinking Big’, ‘The Secret’, ‘The 7 habits of highly effective people’ , ‘ The monk who sold his Ferrari’ slowly occupied my tiny bookshelf in hostel and my mind.

All seemed to go well, then came free Wi-Fi and suddenly there was lot of time to ponder over life and internet just seemed to have all the answers.

Whenever I needed guidance, I went straight to YouTube, Pinterest and Instagram and then to the newest book in the library.

I remember it was around 2014 and I was fascinated by self-love topic that was coming up. Today,top brands use this idea to sell their cosmetics.

Then came the girl boss trend.

It was empowering to know that the world was waking up to ambitious women who chart their own path.

For all these years my social media feeds nudged me on the self- love practices for this weekend, 5 steps I can take control of life and stop being a people-pleaser, realise that today is what all matters and definitely my favourite - it was okay to let things go.

I needed them all and I devoured them with such sincerity.

It ended up being a repeating pattern – a spark of enlightenment after I read the book, that post. Life seemed to make so much sense and I felt in control and then – I became lost again.

Slowly I was drowning in a stream of incoming information and everyone seemed just to have it sorted except for me.

It just didn’t make sense because I have been with this search for the longest time and why on earth was my reality not a reflection of it?

There I was in a confused stage in my career, my relationships I knew I just could not follow what everyone chose for a profession and instead swallowing my pride and facing it, I let myself grope in darkness to find that one glimpse of words that will lead me to my dream career, my purpose and somehow magically solve the problems in a snap.

The memory only gives me the shivers now.

I knew there were some deep issues and to address them again, I gravitated towards articles on self-worth, self-esteem and depression.

Every such topic I read, I interpreted as this – I was different and very special and being in the right mindset will help me solve the problems that were building up now in almost every area of my life.

It would take me 5 more years to start treatment for what I was missing throughout and fearing to face. The resources I was pouring on were not completely wrong either – I was depressed.

Today, I am on my recovery path and here are few steps to unlearn myself from my addiction to self improvement.

Opinions are not reality

All the written word on self improvement except for scientific facts are bluntly the opinion of the author.

I believe the same with relationship advice. We are unique in the way we face problems, our attitude at that time and our subsequent responses. Unless people have walked our path with us, their advice may not add much value.

We learn from our experiences and that lesson comes with us till the end.

Cut the noise

I remember my therapist advising that I need to work on a filter. A filter that will shield me from all the perceived good and bad that I imbibe like a sponge so readily.

Working on a filter first needed me to take a step back, take a sabbatical from all the social media accounts and learning to live a simple life. Getting up, doing my usual chores, working became less of a burden when I started minimising the noise and today I am back to Instagram and I still exist on YouTube with a slight difference – I am learning to draw the line.

Action

Movement , even a little was therapeutic in my recovery. A little workout, daily walk for 15 minutes each day mattered hugely. Getting started with work before I got lost in thoughts helped me to end the day on a happy note. These were very minute changes and they truly helped me.

There are days even today I end up overthinking over what I blurted on my last date, my last conference call presentation, ponder over what am I doing in life yet I am able to still do my work and lead a normal life with these thoughts playing like a distant song. That is where I guess, lies my peace.

As Marie Forleo says:

“Clarity comes from engagement, not thought.”

Closing Thoughts

Ironically self-improvement in my life started when I stopped forcing myself to fix and improve myself. There is no rush be our better version and to know the answers we already do, we need to cut out the noise.

So here are the takeways for you:

1. Take all the opinions you read with a pinch of salt
2. Be cautious with spending too much time on social media and wasting your precious life
3. Small actions help us more than just reading life advice.

Article previously published in the Medium.