How I Deal with Complaining, in Other People and in Myself

Complaining is one of my biggest pet peeves. Easy top five. It's also something I find myself doing more often than I'd prefer.

As someone who has been their career on opportunity and mindset, I don't do well with negative energy and I resent people who seem to carry that dark cloud with them wherever they go.

You know who I'm talking about, the people who seem to find a negative in every good thing that happens in the world, the people who express outright hatred for their own lives, and simply don't believe in lights at the end of tunnels. Yes, they exist, and they're a pain in the ass.

The opposition, however, is that I have been one of these life-sucking people more times than I can count.

I don't consider myself outright negative. I would say that for much of my young life I have actually maintained a more-than-hopeful way about me. As cheesy as it is, I do believe anything can happen.

I wish on birthday candles, believe in great big wouldn't-have-guessed-that possibilities, and I almost always smile in the morning.

I'm not special and I'm not something to idolize, but I would say this is one of the things in my life for which I am most proud.

Reality check, however: I am still human. I've gone through periods of my short life where I've been a complete assh*le. I've hurt people, I've hurt myself, I've been the person no one wants to be around simply because of my negative energy.

Yes, I've overcome those periods of my life, but complaining is still something I do every now and then.

When it comes to other people and dealing with their negative energy, I try my best to keep my own experiences in mind.

During the periods of my life that I was more or less insufferable, I really messed up on the inside.

Something in my life during that time was completely out of wack, and it very much presented itself in my mentality.

See, I am the type of person who will face their issues in silence. I seldom show emotion on arrival when faced with things that rock my world. So, what'll happen often is that I express distaste for my life in the form of complaints and just overall bad vibes.

I try my best in every situation that I am faced with that involves other negative individuals to keep in my back pocket the memories of these times. And not just this, but how they felt.

I can remember so many moments that I've looked deeply at the world around me and determined that absolutely none of it made sense. I can remember feeling lost, trapped in my own sorrow and pain, and completely disconnected from reality.

In those moments, negativity was really all I had to breathe life into my lungs, as bizarre and nonsensical as that seems. Without my ability to complain and release tension related to the things that were burdening my life, I would have struggled further.

Now obviously when it comes to other people, there is the possibility that there's more to it. Sometimes people really are just that negative.

So, when other people around me complain, I lead with empathy, follow with realism, and end with empathy.

As you can see, empathy plays a significant role in this equation.

Having the ability to recognize that someone else might be going through something, or simply placing yourself in a position of understanding is not only instrumental to becoming a more positive and caring human being, but it very well might be helping that person in ways you don't understand.

That said, there is the component of this person being a genuinely negative soul, which is where the realism comes into play.

If you can read that no matter what, against all odds, this person is just a lost cause in the world of positive mentalities, then it might be wise to invoke some realistic perspectives and decide what you need to do to make that relationship as functional and comfortable for you as possible.

Regardless of what it is you might decide, I can't stress enough how important it is to always end the way you started - from a place of empathy.

Being empathetic and understanding of people and who they are, no matter what they may or may not be going through, eventually becomes more about you than it does about them.

If you can deter the effect that negativity has on you with a single person's negative energy, who or what is to say that you can't do the same with difficult things that happen in your life?

For me, the key to handling complaining and negativity it to be empathetic and to always recognize that things could be infinitely worse than you have it.

This, of course, is always easier said than done, but it's the truth and that's it.

At the end of it all, if you're a complainer and things are rough? Please know that there is a light at the end of the tunnel and life isn't as bad as it's treating you right now. If you're someone that is currently dealing with negativity and complainers, please take the position that they might be going through something and you can take the place of empathy and understanding.