How Assertive Communication can strengthen your relationships

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Being assertive in your communication style shows others that you respect yourself and are the kind of person who stands up for your interests by expressing your thoughts and feelings.

The first step to effective communication is understanding your particular communication to match your communication style to your others.

Why Assertive communication is so effective

Assertive communication is such a practical and diplomatic communication style because it's based on mutual respect.

By being Assertive, you demonstrate that you’re aware of others’ feelings, are correct, and are willing to resolve any conflicts.

People feel seen and validated in conversations with you.

Further, more Assertive Communication can help you control stress and aggression and improve your coping skills.

What are communication styles?

Every one of us has a unique communication style, that we use when interacting and exchanging information with others.

Communication styles are the different ways you use to express your thoughts, feelings, and opinions.

Communication is multi-faceted and includes verbal and non-verbal communication, such as body language and facial expressions.

To thrive in life, it’s helpful to have a basic knowledge about some of the five basic communication styles: assertive, passive, aggressive, submissive, and manipulative.

Why is it important to understand each communication style?

It’s essential to understand each communication style’s characteristics, standard phrases, and what makes them unique to choose the most effective means of communication possible.

According to Psychologist and Coach Claire Newton;

“Understanding the basics of the five communication styles will help you learn and understand your audience whilst communicating in a way that is going to be well-received. “

There are five different types of communication styles based on someone’s dominant communication style.

This article will focus on Assertive communication because it's the most effective and rewarding communication style.

The five communication style are:

-Assertive

-Passive

-Aggressive

-Submissive

-Manipulative

NOTE: If you would like to improve your communication skills, I highly recommend reading more about the four other communication styles.

Assertive Communicators

When you encounter an Assertive communicator, the first thing you notice is that they express positive and negative ideas and feelings in an open, honest, and direct way.

Assertive communicators recognize their rights while still respecting yours.

They communicate without judging or blaming you.

Assertive communicators express their opinion and point of view clearly and directly while still respecting your take on things.

The 3 C’s Of Assertive Communicators:

-Confidence — they believe in their ability to handle any conversation.

-Clarity– they present the message in a clear and easy way.

-Control– they deliver information in a calm and controlled manner.

Four Benefits Of Being Assertive

1. Better communication

Your assertive behavior is excellent for both parties.

If you can communicate wisely, you can get what you want out of any interaction and leave the other person satisfied too.

2. Less stress

Passive, Aggressive, Submissive, or Manipulative communication is a very stressful way of communicating; it makes people feel threatened or humiliated.

Assertive communicators rarely end up regretting their behavior.

They acknowledge other’s feelings and desires while openly sharing their own and trying to find the best solution for the situation.

This communication style creates very little to no stress.

3. More trust

Assertive communicators are very good at establishing trust in the workplace and in private.

In contrast, passive communication often results in others not taking you seriously, while aggressive behavior tends to lead to rejection and resentment.

Assertive communicators are trustworthy in their communication and significantly better at building connections with colleagues, loved ones, and friends.

4. More confidence

If I hide my feelings or interact with others without caring about what they think or feel, I lower my self-esteem and make others unsure of my intentions.

On the other hand, if I display assertive behavior, It shows that I am brave enough to state my rights and that I am in control of my speech.

Assertiveness is the balance between clearly stating my needs and creating the space for you to do the same and, in the process, making you feel equal.

Value-driven communication

Assertive Communicators value themselves, their time, their emotional, spiritual, and physical needs.

They are good at communicating their feelings, thoughts, and beliefs in an empathetic manner without violating their rights.

Assertive communicators tend to bring the best out of you in every conversation.

They speak with confidence about their needs while encouraging you to do the same.

They often use “I” statements rather than blaming.

They Say “yes” and “no” calmly while maintaining good eye contact.

Assertive communicators are equally skilled at conversation over text in email or chat but prefer IRL conversations because they know that it minimizes and prevents many conflicts.

Common phrases you hear from Assertive Communicators:

“I get where you’re coming from.”

“That's an interesting point, tell me more.”

“Here’s what I think…”

“I respect your opinion.”

“How does that sound to you?”

“ I would like to find a solution and I am wondering if you would be interested?”

“That is my mistake and I apologize for the inconvinece”

Know why you don’t communicate

To transition from any of the other four communication styles, you need to start by identifying why you don't communicate.

Here are some of the most common reasons why we might not be communicating:

-It triggers my natural response –fight or flight reaction.

-I Don’t make time to communicate.

-A lack of preparation.

-I get insecure in our approach

-Im focused on “winning” the conversation.

-I give up, nothing will change.

-It’s not my problem.

-I don’t engage in Fear of ruining the relationship

-I am avoiding the conversation.

Can it be learned and, Is it worth your time?

As a former aggressive communicator who left the “dark side” to join the Assertive communicators league, I can ensure you that, when you are assertive in your communication style — in the end, both parties feel good, and no one ends up getting hurt by the way you communicate.

It’s a skill that can not only be learned, but it also can be understood very fast.

When you are assertive, you communicate calmly and respectfully until the problem is resolved.

As an Assertive communicator, you ask questions, listen more carefully, get creative, and explore more options if necessary.

It's a win-win.

We need more Assertive communicators in the world.

Keep creating yourself!