Heart On Fire

I lived my life with a fierce intensity, the proverbial rebel with a cause. Thinking that if I worked hard enough and believed with all my heart that I could make the impossible dream happen. I had this idea that I had all the time in the world.

I remember that last day. When my heart was shattered. I had just flown home from hosting a reception for powerful women leaders in Washington trying with all my heart to inspire them to help launch a global benefit concert to help feed the women and children. That we simply had to open the heart of humanity to the plight of women and children in this devastating global humanitarian crisis. I did not feel a great deal of compassion emanating from these well heeled arm-chair social activists.

I thought I should go and visit my Mother who had just been in the hospital a week earlier. I debated thinking I was too tired. Then I got a phone call from her friend to say she had not shown up for her card game. I telephoned and it rang and rang. I just jumped in the car and raced across the city fearing the worst. This was not like her at all.

I found her in bed barely breathing. She had just had another major angina attack. Watching her in bed so scared and frail was agonizing. I could hardly look at her. Here I was having put my mission ahead of her one more time. I should have been here all week to make sure she was alright, regardless of the Doctor’s assurances.

She had given her whole life to me and my sister. Her strength, and character and indomitable spirit was unbelievable, given what she had survived. At the age of 16 she was sent to Auschwitz and never saw her family again. She had taught me that love and family is everything and it always had to come first. That the world was full of good people and that I should always choose to see that despite ample evidence to the contrary. Especially when I raged at all the rejection I faced constantly being turned down by billionaires who had no money to help the women and the children.

Guilt and regret wracked my conscience. But what if this was it? What if I never get to make it up to her? How was I ever going to repay her for all the years of self-sacrifice.

I had been such a fool. I had put my ambition to save the world ahead of making the time to be with her, always busy. She always said she understood that I had a great mission to achieve. That all she ever wanted was to be in my presence.

She sat up in bed and asked me how the trip had gone. I told her it looked very hopeful and that we might just have pulled it off this time. I watched her face light up, and heard her say, “see, there are true Humanitarians, who really care. I know how hard you’ve fought for this. How much you care. I know you will do it one day but don’t make it your whole life. You cannot hold the weight of the world on your shoulders. Remember, that I believe in you. “

With sobs wracking my body, I told her how much I loved her and how she had been the world to me. That I tried so hard to make up to her what she had been through, but I could never quite do enough. To forgive me for all lost time. Then she went into another convulsive attack, I put an angina pill under her tongue. Her eyes were shut tight in pain, tears streaming down her face. She opened her eyes one last time and whispered, “Let go. But never stop believing.”

I raged at the world. How could God take her from me?

After the funeral I went to the lawyers to discuss her ‘estate’. I didn’t expect anything other than some jewelry, as she’d given so much to help my sister, who was a single mother supporting eight children. In shock I discovered she left me $20,000. She also left me her little black book with all her beautifully handwritten jokes and recipes of my favorite dishes that I always meant to get from her. In it she had tucked her favorite pictures of me as a child. On the last page she wrote “Dearest Lili you were always the apple of my eye. I could not be prouder of you. You gave me such joy and “naches”. The world will disappoint you terribly. Don’t let it destroy you. Remember, you are the daughter of a woman, who is the daughter of a woman, who never gave up. You owe it to them to never lose your spirit. You always have a choice.”

It’s so hard to think of her. Her most priceless gift was her great sense of humor, her unquenchable love and the strength of will to overcome whatever adversity life threw at her.

After weeks of mourning, I went back to my mission, with a renewed commitment to make it happen in her honor. To my surprise the Chairman of a major music entity, really one of the most powerful music moguls in the world of music, gave me a verbal commitment that he would produce the concert. We had a major superstar say yes with great enthusiasm, wanting to do more than just perform. It was like a dream come true. My heart was on fire!

I said to him that I was counting on his word as I could not take another step, having gambled everything I owned to get to this moment. That I had just enough time to make a TV special and get it to air to generate some revenue. He assured me he was onboard. I had gotten so used to lies and betrayals that it was hard to believe.

For twelve years I have pursued this mission to produce what is ostensibly Live Aid Women. I had come close four times. I refused to ever give up. I had a dream that we could achieve equality for women in our lifetime and decided that the solution to help mitigate the ‘existential threat’ I saw coming was educated empowered women.

Borne of my pain of what I saw was going to happen in the world, and my love which gave me the courage to take responsibility and not give up in my fight for freedom, justice and the very future of democracy. I could not give up on the Women Aid Live vision, as I saw this dystopian future coming.

All of it. I felt the black boots marching on my back on 9/11. I was on the first flight allowed to fly and landed at an empty Washington Mall where I made a VOW that I would make Women Aid Live. I felt I had to defend democracy at all costs. I thought if we could wake women up to their collective power, they’d surely use the power of their vote. I also felt that educating and empowering women was the solution to the epic rise in inequality, and the rise and threat of Terrorism and White Supremacy - the devil that never dies.

Never again. My family lost everyone to the Nazis. My family fled the Communists and I got to taste the beauty of freedom in Canada. The pain of my ancestors is the fire that kept me going regardless of the struggle. I knew it was him in 2011 and that he would destroy our world. I harassed Jeff Zucker after the Hollywood Access scandal to show a video of an event I had attended with him, which revealed how vengeful and dangerous a creature he was. Zucker never did. I foresaw this severe humanitarian crisis and wanted to be ready.

Women Aid Live became a CGI commitment at the personal invitation of President Clinton back in 2006. have circled the globe on this epic Quest chasing CEO’s and billionaires with this mission to help the world’s women and children. You can tell a great deal about a civilization and what it values by where it puts its money.

Then the day came when I got word from the global chairman, that this project was their idea all along. Given that we were celebrating the centennial of women in America winning the right to vote, clearly they were going to do something given this was one of the most important historic events in history for American women. I had just been thrown under the bus. They had realized they stood to make millions with concerts in major cities across the U.S. and so of course it was their idea. This was an incredible blow. A gut punch that literally knocked me out. Then COVID hit months later and everything was cancelled.

In the meantime, I had gotten very ill and could not get out of bed. I developed breathing problems. Now I knew for sure that this Global Humanitarian crisis that I knew was coming was on its way. I realized the gravity of my situation. I had lost my spirit. I made a conscious decision that I would not let them destroy me. I may have lost this round, but I was not defeated. From that moment I got better and decided I would try again on my own.

I have a world class Emmy Award winning team to produce. Despite being dismissed and taking blow after blow all these years, my determination helped me follow my conscience, albeit at great personal cost. I have given it all.

I don’t want to live in a heartless world. Each of us is being called to walk a heroic path. These are the times we find out what we’re made of. The future is in our hands. The question is what is each of us prepared to do?

We are at a critical tipping point in human history. We all need to be fierce defenders of the pillars of democracy and freedom and to use our collective effort to alleviate poverty which as Gandhi said is the worst form of violence. The question for me was always, who would I be if I didn’t try.

Now is the time to step up with all the heart and generosity we can muster. I hope to realize the dream of Women Aid Live now. If ever there was time to use the power of music, celebrity and technology to bring the world together to share our common humanity and lend a helping hand to our suffering human family, this is it.

She was right. My dearest most precious mother. I have at long last won my own self-respect. She gave me the strength of character to make the sacrifices for what mattered most.

I’ve come to see that love is the greatest form of realism. That life is a journey of learning to love. Let’s see where this takes me.