Harry Potter Happiness

When people asked me what I wanted to be, for the longest time my answer was happy. For a good portion of my life, I wasn’t sure if that was something that I was capable of. I still admire the people I meet that have naturally bubbly personalities that make everyone want to be around them. I have struggled with depression for so long that a while ago, I did not think there was ever going to be a light at the end of my tunnel. Between an abusive biological father, losing a child, a divorce, and the absence of a sibling all by the age of twenty-two, you could say that the depression I’ve struggled with was warranted. From a young age I began turning to books as an escape and amongst my favorites were all of J.K. Rowling’s Harry Potter books. I have read the entire series at least five times, and the last two at least seven. Those books brought me joy, laughter, tears, love, and most importantly… Hope.

While I was in the Army I regained the self confidence that was lost to the overwhelming voices of everyone else around me. I learned how to really make friends again, and got to experience the support I had needed for much of my life when I needed it the most. I met incredible people that each had an influence on my life in one way or another and I got to experience life on my own, in new places, with people I would never have been able to meet otherwise. Throughout my journey I would sometimes imagine that the branches of the military were like the four houses and in a way, the branch I chose, had chosen me more than I had ever chosen it. I continued to read my favorite books when I was feeling down or lonely, and in that time I continued to grow and change. I finally felt as though I got to be happy.

During this time, I decided that to honor my newfound happiness and give myself a constant reminder that no matter how bad things might get, I had found my happiness and I could find it again if I needed to. So, I got my third tattoo. “I solemnly swear that I am up to no good” (J.K. Rowling, Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban). This tattoo makes me smile every time I see it. It isn’t anything fancy, just the quote in black letters. But it reminds me that while I still struggle with my depression, I am happy more often than I am not. I get to laugh a little each time my boyfriend brings it up, and I get to remember how silly it was that I forgot to breathe while I was getting this tattoo. Most importantly, I get to carry around a quote from books that got me through some of the worst parts of my life, for the rest of my life.

The story around this tattoo may not be a long one, but the journey that led me to it took about twenty years. Like any good story, my life has had a main character who loved, laughed, struggled, cried and eventually found the hope to create a happy ending. But without the books that held me up when I was falling down and helped me dream when my life was filled with nightmares, I would not have been able to become the person I am now. The girl, who used to be broken, but has patched herself up with a tattoo of her favorite quote and now walks around with eyes that see the whole world rather than just the ground. So, if you read these words, if you enjoy what is indeed, a short story about a silly tattoo… If you take nothing else from it, please take this: Life is what you make it, and to make it worthwhile make sure that there are at least some parts during which you… Are up to no good.