Happy in Doses

I've been wanting to start Happy in Doses for quite some time now. It is a project I've had on my mind with one main goal: to communicate that people are not alone. Even in the darkest times, it feels comforting to know that your feelings are validated and that there are others that can feel similar emotions. I am not a person that believes that listening to other people will make everything better but sometimes just hearing someone else voice their experiences and their lessons learned helps change the perspective of how someone may feel. Especially how they feel in the moment because let's face it-- in the moment highs can run and sometimes overlap into the many long days ahead and drain us. I'm no medical or mental professional but I just want to share my thoughts and experiences with others and explain that is okay to not be happy all the time, even when it comes in doses.

I'm that person that wracks my brain when a concept is presented to me, when an idea has surfaced to explore every aspect, and when a solution can mean a deep dive into the trapped ideologies, we form to just keep us surviving. One of things that I contemplate the most is the question: what does it mean to be happy? I don't necessarily believe being happy is an emotion like many uses it to be, I believe it’s a state of mind we tie our emotions to. It fluctuates like an emotion but being happy is the hardest and most desperate of all the states us humans strive for. The common thoughts are, "if I'm not happy, I'm sad or depressed," "if I’m not happy, I have to fix something," "if I'm not happy, something is wrong," and on and on. While those statements have some truth, there are negatives that lie under that thin surface. I believe we're prone to set ourselves up for failure, defeat, and disappointment when we say these things to each other and I promise you, I'm part of that. Which leads me to another reason why I wanted to start this project. Being aware is going to be your best friend through a lot of the roller coasters we call emotions and changes the way we think and treat ourselves is a way out. But like anything that has a certain level of dosage, it wears off eventually. So, what's next?

I find that I'm not always happy, I'm not always sad, and all the other feelings in between that fill, they don't always stay. But happiness becomes the big victory: "I just want to be happy!" So, a big thing is to look at how you perceive happiness. Sometimes doing what you think makes you happy isn't enough because while you're doing things you enjoy; you feel happy that you’re not feeling anything else at the moment. I think there's a great deal of balance that goes into how we build our manifest that we base our lives on.  We are constantly making goals that we want, trying to do any and everything to catch up to people that are in our community, and we practically tear at the seams because of it. I'm not saying that doing any of these things isn't the right way or the wrong way, that isn't what I want this project to be about-- there is no right or wrong. There are only multiple ways; I just want to expand the perspective.

I think naturally the state of happiness is perceived as you either having it or you don't; if you have it that’s great and you want to pass on to others how and why you have it-- while if you don't have it, you deem yourself hopeless. This is a common feeling to most I believe but I honestly have come to understand that your state of mind is just that. Your mind and thought process controls how you perceive things to be. It isn't so much as choosing to be happy it is choosing to want to change the way you see and look at things. Your point of view will always dictate the wide spectrum of emotions. It is how we get caught up in victim-mentality and get stuck in the rut of "the world is out to get me" or "everything always goes wrong for me." Neither are very true as sometimes not getting your way with things is the purest blessing you can experience in this life. You aren't meant to always win-- after all isn’t that why the lottery is a thing, why gambling is a thing? You must bet on yourself more and be confident in the bets you take and the ones you let fold. Not everything can be won and not everything will be lost but the middle ground is something to want to conquer. The richest people in this life are not those with money but those with a wealthy dose of happiness.

If you're feeling down on your luck, perhaps some perspective will help balance your thoughts. Instead of harping on the one path that has your attention, try to reach out to the many paths that can lie in wake of opportunity. I think we fall to the habit of distraction and misdirection when it comes to vulnerability. But how does it make you feel when doing what makes you happy no longer works? You indirectly turn what feeds your soul into what drains it and then you're out of ideas for what can make you happy. Rather than happiness, we turn to distraction; "I'll try something new and that will spark a fire," or "keeping my mind off of this painful situation by doing something wild will help," and this deserves a whole segment on the matter but destination happiness is a dangerous game if you don't already know what that means -- these can only temporarily help because eventually it all dulls out and fades and then you're left with not being happy again, not feeling fulfilled, and feeling bored. Almost every time I find myself trying to distract or misdirect my immediate emotion to escape from, I fall into this trap. There are many different stages to acquire a healthy balance of -- we'll call it 'self-medication'.

 Though, it is almost more painful to process than anything. There is self-awareness, reflection, self-analyzing, and the ever-nerving self-realization. In order to gain a feeling of grounding, we have to be aware of what we're feeling, what happened, what provoked it, why you reacted how you did and if that reaction is valid and veering away from any kind of projection. Most reactions are provoked but what if you stop to think about why you are being provoked a lot of answers present themselves. Most reactions need not exist because projection is weaved into the way we communicate, whether the intention is malicious or not. People have a hard time admitting they are wrong or guilty so they will project those emotions onto you to turn the tables. So, be self-aware as to what is the root of the situation, "is my energy worth this?"  I will say reflection is key to moving on with a different perspective but don't get it confused with obsessive thoughts. Realize and apologize-- even if it is to yourself! I feel like self-realization is the biggest one because if the others are baffling to you, then you are blocked from reaching your goal to a happy state of mind. And as with any medication, there are side effects.

It is a grueling process to step outside of your skin and view the world from multiple perspectives, almost uncomfortable. But how can you possibly reach a steady dose when you're constantly searching for everything outside of yourself? It is up to you to create your own balance and to find what it is that softens the blow when you're not feeling so great. Do things that make you happy when you're feeling different than but understand that it is okay if that doesn't cure you for the next few days. It is hard work to keep a mindful perspective on things but it is possible. I didn't want to start this project to tell the world that I've found the missing link because I haven't, I still have my days where I don't want to face any of what I'm feeling but what matters is that I still fight and still strive to make room for improvement. We're not born perfect, we can't become perfect, and we don't die perfect. And I hate to tell you, but being happy doesn't provide perfection, it provides hope and perseverance. We are all human and we all deserve to have that state of mind, even when it is in doses.