Happiness is a Choice

I realized this week that happiness is a choice. I have to choose to look for gratitude in my daily life and that will in turn make me more grateful for what I have.

I control how I feel more often than I truly realize and the way that I choose to feel makes a big difference in my mood.

It's a harsh and yet beautiful discovery to realize that we control many choices and what happens to our life with the decisions we make today.

Choosing to get out of bed rather than lounge around has helped me exercise every morning this week. Having the will power and the restraint to get out of bed simply because I know that simple act makes it ten times easier for me to get outside and exercise- has changed the whole impact of how my week feels.

I have also stopped eating when I am not hungry. I eat one big meal right after I come back from my workout, shower, and start off my remote job. This small ritual and habits have actually helped a lot more than I thought that it could. And not overeating makes me feel so great in the morning! Like no joke, I look at myself and feel so much happier.

Money really is not something that I tend to stress over a lot. Because I do believe that I will be okay no matter what I choose with the help of prayers and guidance from my spirit guides. It helps that I am living at home and essentially have no bills as well. I believe that God will give me what he believes I need and deserve. What is mine will come to me and what isn't will not. I know I need to put effort sometimes and I understand that sometimes you've put in everything that you could've done and at that point it is up to the other person to try.

I will no longer chase after my quarantine ex- I simply don't feel that desire. If they would like to reach out, they can. But they won't. They're weak in a sense. They don't ever follow their hearts desires and can never be impulsive. It's something that in many ways I despise because I am impulsive and I show how I feel when I feel it. But when I don't feel that reciprocated, then I'm gone. No offense to them but I also hate their hair. Like so much to the point I can't watch any of their social media because I literally feel so repulsed looking at it. Isn't that sad?

I always wanted to be attracted to the person I was dating- not just mentally, but physically too. And I really just never experience that.

Like most of the people I've dated, I liked them for their personality and that made them attractive over time. But just once it would just be so fucking nice to be able to like them right off the bat for their looks. To feel awe struck by them. Just once and to also have that reciprocated and to love their personality as well? Just once God. Please LOL.

I always view myself as the full package- be it my conceited side, but it's true. I'm entertaining to talk to, I'm beautiful, and I get what I want to do. I don't wait for someone to tell me- I go for what I want and make mistakes along the way that just turn into learning lessons or stepping stones I had to take regardless to get to where I really needed to be.

It actually is so nice to have attractive friends because we are just pleasing to look at. Like don't come at me- I've been ugly before and it's just a fact that it is nice to look at attractive people.