Greatness Is In Gratitude

We all have dreams. Every one of us. You may have a dream job, dream house. It could be your dream to graduate high school, or be accepted into University. Maybe it's even something as simple as owning a pet or having a family someday. Dreams, vision, and goals are all very important to me. When things aren't going as planned, I find it to be a great practice to remind yourself of where you're aiming rather than reminiscing on times past.

"Yesterday is but today's memory, and tomorrow is today's dream" - Khalil Gibran

For years, playing college basketball has been my dream. To be specific, it was in Grade 10. I overheard someone close to me say "I don't think he'll ever play in college, I'm not sure he wants it enough". To be totally honest, he was correct. At that point in my athletics I was simply playing for enjoyment. However, the competitive fire in me took that statement as a great offence and burned itself into my memory. By the end of Grade 11, I realized that I was no closer to obtaining my dream than before. Never in my career have I been the most talented player, but I've always been willing to work. So work I did. That summer, my teammate and I spent 3 hours per day in the gym, 6 days per week. Fast forward to my senior high school season, and I averaged 13 points per game more than Grade 11. Thoughts of college ball snuck back into my brain, and I kept working. Fast forward again because you don't need or want to hear my life story - I took a year after high school to work, and then attended a D1 University where playing basketball was not an option for me. I dropped out, then spent another year working. I honestly thought my dream had become an impossibility, until early 2017. I noticed that a player that I had faced off against many times was awarded a spot on the OCAA All-Rookie Team and was playing well for his college team. This is unfortunately not the point in the story where I encourage and congratulate a fellow athlete on their accomplishments.....quite the opposite actually. I couldn't help but think about how we destroyed this player's team every time we played them. How is it that he has my dream? Why not me?

Sometimes the biggest step to achieving your dream is simply making a conscious decision to take it. In the following months, I began to do whatever it took. Hours in the gym, early mornings, and 5 hour train trips to Georgian College just to take part in off-season scrimmages and training camps. I enrolled at Georgian with no guarantee of a roster spot. To make things much more difficult, I was told by my doctor to not play for 6 weeks due to rotator cuff tendonitis in my shooting arm.....this was less than 2 weeks before tryouts. In an act of good faith, Coach held a 16th roster spot on a 15 man team for me to try to earn after my shoulder recovered. Here came the next issue - a $200 varsity fee was due prior to my return. If I didn't make the team, the money was lost. I spoke with Coach again and decided to make a gamble on myself. I told him that I'd be back soon and earn my spot. Fast forward and I was cleared to return to practice almost 3 weeks early...not 100% healthy but ready to take what's mine.

Bear with me - I'm going somewhere other than just a life story. I made the team. Dream realized, and I was ecstatic. The relief I felt after a long few years was tremendous. When I got the good news, I sat in the gym alone. I looked at the lights that shone, and the logo that I would wear across my chest. I glared at the lines that would determine the distance of our 'torturous' running, glanced at the baskets that I would hopefully become familiar with. I sat alone, overwhelmed. I looked over my dream that was evidenced by that beautiful basketball court at Georgian College, and I smiled. Fast forward possibly the best two months of my life...practices, meetings, sweat, pain. My shoulder was still a problem but it was worth it. I loved every minute, even the minutes where we ran so hard we almost collapsed. I loved the opportunity to earn the respect of my teammates and coaches. Most of all, I lived for the 40 minutes of gametime. My first career college game was in front of my family and friends. I was second on the team in scoring that night and earned the respect of my teammates and coaches. A few weeks later, I scored game winning free throws as my parents watched from the stands. I can't describe the feeling of knowing that you are living out your dream. The way that I played the game of basketball was different than most. As I said before, I had never been the most talented on any team. It was my work ethic, leadership, and willingness to sacrifice that made me effective. I gave everything that my body could handle, and then some. I didn't always make friends with the way I played. I was the type that you liked to have on your team, but despised playing against. The type that would go to war for my teammates when needed. Possibly a bit of a goon, a dog, a scrapper so to speak. Maybe this is being said to give the bigger picture to my eventual point, or maybe I'm just reminiscing with a heavy heart. Regardless of the reasoning for my rambling, it gives some potential insight into the toll my body took with the way I played.

November 3, 2017. The end to my college basketball dream. Legs taken from under me, head hit the floor. In the following days and weeks came the nonstop headaches, dizziness, confusion, mood swings, memory loss, and endless hours of being incapable of physical activity or basic daily routine. I sustained my 5th concussion, and was forced to evaluate my athletic dream vs my health. I cannot begin to express how difficult this decision has been to make. It's an emotional one to say the least. I hate being away from my team, my coaches. I hate missing out on the successes and failures that come with the sport. I hate my absence from the grind of practice and the glory of games. Most of all, I hate that I held my dream and lost it. I was forced to realize that this can't be a selfish choice. I held my newborn niece and knew that, as special as my college basketball dream was, I cannot continue to jeopardize my health. My future family will need me someday, and I want to remember their names each morning. So I said goodbye to my dream...but more than goodbye, I say thank you.

"Gratitude makes sense of our past, brings peace for today, and creates vision for tomorrow".  - Melody Beattie

Thank you - a different perspective than I first had after the injury. I could be bitter, I could stay emotional. Or I could appreciate the 2 months that I spent living out my dream - an opportunity that so many never have. I truly believe that a person's inner greatness, and eventual outward success, lies in their gratitude. Thank you to my teammates. Thank you to my Georgian coaches, who believed in me. Thank you to my parents for your constant support in my basketball endeavours. Thank you to Coach Jerry, who took an early chance on me. Thank you to Coach Rod, who handed me the reigns as a leader. Thank you to everyone who said I never could, that was my greatest motivation, cliche as it may be. Thank you to the game of basketball. I love you. I have yet to figure out who I am without you. Life moves on, and the game will never miss Levi St Pierre (if it can continue after MJ and Kobe, I'm quite sure a mediocre college player in Ontario won't change much).

Honestly, I've had a difficult time writing any of this. So difficult that I actually began typing well over a year ago. In fact, I have tried many times to write this. The emotion isn't as raw and the pain isn't quite so deep anymore. You may all roll your eyes and pass this off as some typical dramatic wording, but that's how it is. Dreams are healthy and we all have them. I firmly believe that God places certain dreams within us as a light to chase after. Some are permanent and lifelong, while others like mine are gone too soon. The way in which we handle the difficult transition between defines who we truly are - and how well we can be trusted by God with more. What are the things that we find simple to be thankful for? Those first items off our tongue at Thanksgiving dinner? Now think of the opposite list, and let's find a place in our mind to be grateful for it. Sometimes the job you thought was your dream was simply a stepping stone on the pathway to your calling. Perhaps the person you were convinced was your everything was truly preparing you to experience a healthier future. I propose that even though it hurts in the moment, and it may feel like you have taken a few steps back, there is a level of greatness to be found on the other side of your situation. Success is not sustainable without realizing how you have been shaped by the past.

Since that moment on November 3, 2017, several other dreams have been taken away from me, each one in very different ways. I could maintain a victim's mentality and wait around for the world to return to me what "I'm owed". I could be angry, resentful, or vindictive. I woke up one morning in the midst of one of these situations with a beaming smile on my face and a thought stirring in my mind. You always reap what you sow. The harvest that you will see in your life is always indicative of the seeds that you planted. God will be my vindicator, and I will move forward with peace and grace. It was easy to be thankful when I hit my game winner. It was second nature to celebrate at the mountaintop. The character defining question is this - am I still bursting with gratitude for the mountain once I hit the valley? If the answer is no, then our joy and our faith is completely circumstantial. Sow good seeds and believe in the harvest that is coming, regardless of what the season in between is telling you.

"All men dream, but not equally. Those who dream by night in the dusty recesses of their minds, wake in the day to find that it was vanity: but the dreamers of the day are dangerous men, for they may act on their dreams with open eyes, to make them possible." - T.E Lawrence

I will end on this note. Gratitude for the dreams that have been lost is only a partial victory. It develops your character and builds your integrity. True greatness, however, is found in your ability to dream again. Dream bigger. Love harder. Give more. Today I took a trip down memory lane. I thought back over some of the great moments in my basketball career. Game tying free throws that won a championship at age 11. My 10 point 4th quarter in Grade 9. Beating Centennial in their own tournament in Grade 11 (sorry Mark and Rich, Stayzer never could score on me). Ranking #3 in Ontario with GBA Elite. My first 20+ point games in Grade 12. Every moment spent at Georgian. Teammates. Coaches. Road trips. Eventually I wasn't an athlete anymore, I simply have the memories of one. Basketball was my dream, but it can no longer be my identity. I looked back at those moments and so many more, and all I could do was smile. I gave everything in me, and can be truly grateful. We recently lost a legend in Kobe Bryant, a man whose life after basketball was becoming as significant and influential as his life during. Do you ever wonder how he did this? Other athletes enter depression, hard times, and are seemingly incapable of letting go. Not Kobe. He showed complete gratitude for the 20 years he had in the league, and accepted his next challenge. He was a man who gave everything of himself for the game. He created an incredible work ethic that many refer to as "Mamba Mentality". Regret often comes from a recognition that you did not give 100%. Whatever your dream is, the method is the same. Maybe it's a hobby, a career, a person. Give everything that you have inside you for that dream, continue to be grateful when it's over, then get excited to dream again. I promise you, a harvest of greatness is on the other side. Let's push forward together towards our next mountaintop.

"You asked for my hustle, I gave you my heart. Because it came with so much more." - Kobe Bryant (Dear Basketball) 1978-2020, RIP Mamba