Greatest Moment In Writing

Being autistic in combination with boredom was always a struggle for me in my writing. I didn’t care much if I got a decent grade. I just got them done and moved on to the next one. The only one I remember enjoying was in 8th grade. My English teacher had us rewrite the ending of Call of the Wild with provided vocabulary to use. It was my first understanding of how to recreate the end of a story. I had to create other characters to add to the story and think about how they could help the main character by giving the story a happy ending rather than a sad one in the book we all know. But I wouldn’t say that was my most significant moment.

When I was getting started in college I took an Adv. Creative writing at Pcc. Where my professor Cody asked us to start a new story with a new main character and connect with them before killing them. If you're going to kill your character, you have to ask questions. Like why, how, or when in the story, and what it leads to after you kill them. This was the first time that I understood and flesh out a story from scratch. New and scary feelings were swelling up in me and to kill the character I created, How could I do that? What if their death was too easy, dark, or horrific? I was faced with my questions with no answers. I ended up a hero in my 8th-grade paper only to turn out to be a villain in this one.

I wanted to write something that meant so much to me, something that I wanted to talk about for a while. I was raised by my grandparents from the time I was three years old until I had no choice but to live with my father. My grandmother's health started to fail her and she couldn’t take care of me anymore. When my grandmother passed away on November 30, 2016, a month after I wished her a happy birthday. It was like losing a mother, and a friend altogether. I didn’t get a chance to say goodbye. At the same time, I had to create a story for my professor. I was feeling lost and not sure what to write. Finally, I decided to write the story of Lilyanna. My reason behind this story was that it reflected a part of me that is still trying to figure out where I belong, and who I can trust. The connection I had with my grandmother was gone. She was the only person who understood me and who I could trust more than anyone else.

The sweet memories of when I was a child living with her sprung to my mind. It was the beginning of summer, and the garden smelled of fresh, sweet honey fruits. Veggies crunch at the sound with the first bite you take. Honestly, I love the garden, it was so warm and peaceful. Sometimes I would look up at the sky and see the trees shimmer with life from the sun. Looking back I wished I could go back to that place. So I decided to put it into my story. However, it also meant that I gave Lilyanna a grandmother as well. It was a scenario I wanted to avoid.

Giving her someone I wished I could be with and keeping her grandmother alive would have been the story I wanted to end up with. However, It wouldn’t have moved Lilyanna’s story further. I would have to let Lilyanna’s grandmother pass away. It was painful for me to write and I had to stop myself several times. I didn’t know that it would bring so much anger and sadness.

When I was writing Lilyanna’s grandmother's death scene, I didn't know I was recreating what I wished I could have gotten with my grandmother. A chance to say goodbye, to tell her all the things I wanted to say before she passed. I gave Lilyanna that chance. However, it turned ugly very quickly. Not only was I recreating my wish to say goodbye, but I also recreated a fight I had with my aunt. The anger and pain I felt were overwhelming, and those emotions don’t go away.

Before I knew it, It was time to finish out the term with the death of my character. I wanted to keep the main character alive, but I couldn’t do that with this assignment like I could with my 8th-grade paper. I tried to think of every way possible I could do it, but those scenarios didn’t make sense. At this point, Lilyanna wasn’t just a character I created as a part of me. She became me. If I was going to die in a story, I wanted to die in a way that made sense to me.

I’m the weird kid that believes in the supernatural. What better way of going out than remembering your death from a past life? Better yet, what if you were brought back after you died?

I decided to combine those two ideas for Lilyanna’s death. How Lilyana would remember her death would be shown in a dream vision. That way I could create other characters that each had a purpose that contributed to her death, or bringing her back. Writing this scene was my way of letting go of those emotions I held on to after my grandmother’s death.

When I was done writing and turned in the assignment, I was glad it was finally over. I felt relieved and understood the struggles of being an author. Many emotions, Scenarios, personalities, and even background information were a lot to focus on.

However, I wouldn't have done it differently. This assignment helped me look at my writing from a different perspective and faced my demons. Professor Cody taught us how to look at the good and the bad without providing feedback. He wanted us to grow and reflect on our writing in our way.

Professor Cody’s final paper helped me to accomplish that kind of thought process. The final was a reflection portfolio on what grade we deserve and showed the process of growth in our writing. Even though It was easy to write, I wasn’t bored with it.

I was happy to look back and see the difference between my 8th-grade paper and my assignment for this class. My hero journey slowly becomes the villain, trying to figure out what paths to take to stay the hero. It might not be the typical hero story that many know of, but the story of growth is never a one-way street anyway. In the end, I showed the process and said I deserved an A. Professor Cody agreed and told me that “Being a full-time author while a part-time teacher is a struggle that I chose, but writing isn’t a part of life. It’s an image of life. It has ups and downs that everyone goes through. Even if you don’t enjoy it, always move forward and continue to grow. That is writing in itself, and it’s ok because there is no such thing as bad or good writing that we are taught.” Thinking of those words now makes a lot of sense. Many writers are still growing and moving forward just like what I had to do with this assignment.