from your spirit.

Around five years ago, both my moms and pops had a change in faith. My mother turned to one of Christianity, rooted in what I can't help, but consider a befuddling radical perspective; Whilst my father adopted the mantle of a found and fraught Israelite. Though vastly different and indifferent individuals to each other, they both share the need to believe there is purpose in the world.

As a kid they each had ways of making me clean. My pops always said, 'Everything has it's place.' A pretty simple statement, but there was always this air of grave import embedded in it. He had a way of making me believe and feel exactly what he meant. Though I definitely chose what I took to heart and what I didn't. Also something he instilled. That phrase however was fact to me and the idea of something, not being where it should, meant things weren't right. I needed for things to be right. Otherwise I was wrong and that made me a disappointment. I hated to be that. To anyone.

My mothers approach was was one more mentorly. I had my living split between her and my pops. They married young and divorced before I can remember, so until around twelve I lived solely with my older sister and ma dukes. Since I could pick out and pull up my own power ranger briefs, she asserted the understanding of responsibility upon me. 'Make up your bed, Pick up your toys, Clean after yourself, Put things back. It's your responsibility...No one will do it for you.'

In my adulthood, the necessity of a clean room is always my top most priority. I can't think, function, or exist right in a cluttered space. I need to be right. Though with the whirlwind of abhorrent globally affecting events and a multi collision accident resulting in the totality of my vehicle, it's been an increasingly difficult thing. I was in a deep and heavily self medicated depressive rut for, truthfully, near the whole of 2020. Not until quite recently (mid/late February) was I able to fully scrape myself back to this hope filled version of me I'd all, but lost.

Despite the best efforts of my parents (i.e, fear tactics and buffet Krispy Kreme donuts) religion or any faith based doctrine has never guided or shaped my decisions in life. However, I'll debate to the death about an over seeing entity, being responsible for the qualms, quips and enigma that is humanity. The soul is powerful and we all have one.

That said what's the dichotomy between it's spirit counterpart? To state it succinctly I feel that it can best be described as the 'soul in action'. If the soul makes you, specifically you then the spirit is the culmination of those qualities projected in our reality. The lovely, the ugly and the profound. No one person's light shines the same or casts the same hue. We're all our own unique ray of brilliance— reds, purples, blues.

Sometimes though— we're not. Sometimes we're dim and murky and everything we never wanted and try our damnedest to deftly finesse becoming. I think that's why the Lotus is my favorite flower. Only through the darkest most undesired depths does it find it's way to flourish in all it's grace. It truly sinks before swimming. Or submits rather.

Spring cleaning is just that. It's our way— as people— to acknowledge the undesired. The unnecessary and unwanted. Submit to the things holding us back, so we may in fact spring towards a surface of promises that awaits above it all. However I think it's a mistake to separate it from ourselves in the method we've become accustom to. We make it about the material and not the mental and internal. I also think there's one other factor we could all benefit from.

My pops enlightened me recently to the most obvious thing, that I still can't believe I never noticed. Around New Year's we were having a phone conversation and like all since his discovery of Hebrew Israelism, he imparted a piece of their beliefs to me. 'Why would December be the new year? Everything is still dead. The seasons ain't changed, so how can anything be new, right? That happens in March, when things start to grow again.'

So the only tip I have for anyone reading this is simple: Don't think about it as just Spring cleaning. Everything has a place and so do you. Reflect a bit. Inwardly. Sift through your clutter cause no one will do it for you. Don't neglect the boxes in your less material attic. You just might miss out on the chance to blossom.