bigger than you

Whoosh, Whoosh. Swish...Shhhhk. Snowy mists sprayed up and around a lean jacketed silhouette. Each step, glide and action leaving behind perfectly perfected markings in the white blanket. A canvas for an uncaged spirit. The trails made, bore a hieroglyphic and picturesque fantasy more enchanting than any wonderland, could ever dream of being. Lucja hadn’t known how long he’d been going— it didn’t matter. Nothing mattered when he was moving like this.

Sometimes it felt to the young man like this was all he ever was and all he was ever supposed to be. An untamed and free, yet blissfully bounded being by the dictations of his movements. Pure feeling and expression bursting like a cluster of stars over and over and— “What are you doing?” A hard feminine voice sounded behind him. Lucja’s motion ceased as if concluding a performance.

He turned his head to look over his shoulder before smoothly rotating on his heels. A pretty woman, probably middle late twenties as he was, stood with incredulous eyes the color of amber— visible even in the lamp lit night. Her tone had sounded just as offended as her face suggested. “Uhhh...dancin’. Mostly mindin’ my business tho’. You?” He pocketed his hands in the denim pouches of his top calm, yet defiantly. The woman’s brow went from furrowed to scowling. “Excuse me?” Her words seemed to writhe under a thin veil of quiet rage.

Lucja smiled. There wasn’t any belying contempt or spite even. It was kind and emphatically honest. Endearing even. “Look, clearly you havin’ a bad night and...well I been here all night.” He gestured with his sheathed hands, twisting his torso towards the immaculate circles and lines he’d created. “Lemme get out cha’ hair. Hope you feel better.” He called turning to walk away.

He couldn’t see the woman was still scowling after him. “Your pirouettes are sloppy at best and you’re Graham technique is shameful!” She blared. Not yelling, but with a strong and clarified tone that commanded attention. Lucja turned around, this time planting each foot methodically as he did so, to face the woman. Again the smile crept across his face as he stared with both befuddlement and piqued intrigue. “You hungry?” He asked.

////

Melody scarfed fries as if she hadn’t ever seen anything of their like. “Thith isth amuhzing.” she mumbled to no one, still chewing fries whilst biting into her sandwich. Lucja quietly sipped his drink, musing at how comfortable she appeared. She wore mostly black under a leopard printed bubble coat. The hood, with it’s pink interior haloed her wavy locks, thick and deeply brown.

Her eyes closed as she took time to chew and savour the pockets of flavors wedged between teeth and cheek. Breathing deeply. Lucja laughed. “Cállete estúpido hombre.”

Melody put emphasis on the first word's end letter and didn’t bother looking at him. “Damn, girl you do everything intense huh?”

As if to say ‘Absolutely’ Melody finished chewing and smacked a palm on her drink, whipped it mechanically to her lips and drank from the straw staring daggers into the man across from her. “Shhh...aight den.” Lucja responded in a tone denoting the want to understand, but the self respect to quit while ahead. They sat quiet for a couple moments, Lucja watching the street and cars pass beyond the diner window and Melody watching her sandwich.

Finally. “My dad died.” The woman confessed. The words seemed to pour out, in a carefully contained way. Like tea in a cup. Lucja’s attention pivoted back to her with a gaze all his own. Somehow soft and stern at the same time. He didn’t react however. Just waited. Patience swirling in mahogany.

“Technically he died a month ago, but the funeral was today...kinda didn’t feel real till now I guess or...whatever.” She huffed the last word half heartedly, like she couldn’t summon the strength to mean it. She took another bite of sandwich. When it was clear she wasn’t sharing anymore without a prompt Lucja finally spoke.

“Ya’ll was close?” He questioned reaching for another sip of his drink. Melody shrugged. “He hurt my mom once— not physically, but enough to make me like him less...still loved him though. Always did...will.” As if realizing she was being a breadth of amiable she snapped at Lucja. “Why didn’t order anything? Did you really ask me out just to watch me eat, like a creep? You weird.”

Lucja smiled that same smile, but wider and with an air of playful exasperation and big eyes. “Yooo, see I thought we was finna bond, but there you go wit’ dat anti attitude.” He laughed. She threw a fry at him and then bit into another, with what he swore was a small smile. “Aye, but who said we on a date?” He asked plucking the fry from where it fell on the table, munching it up.

Melody scrunched her nose. “Firstly ew, you’re definitely not getting kissed tonight— and second, cause duh. How’s that not obvious? You’re clearly hella attracted to me, plus you asked me here.” She retorted. “Hm. You just got me figured out already den huh?” Gracefully Lucja stole a fry from her plate. She nodded nibbling on another herself. Small smile still hidden away.

“Okay, Sherlock.” Lucja reached into his jacket and withdrew a little black book, standing it up on the table with a single hand. “What’s in here?”

Melody paused looking from it to him, before conceding with a shrug. Lucja chuckled tucking it away. “Wha? Dude you can’t be all aloof and shit like that, I was all open about my dead ass dad.” She cowed. Lucja cocked an eyebrow. “Yeah, but chu rude and mean.” He clapped back laughing. Her mouth fell open in shock, before it turned to shared laughter.

“Aight, peep; I’ll give you dis black book, if you can be coo for the nights remainder.” Lucja offered, tapping where it lay beneath his jacket. Melody looked wary. “Okay, you’re definitely a strange one...that book seems important.” Lucja shrugged. “Maybe it is, maybe it’s not.” Melody’s eyes narrowed. “So what’s the catch then?” Standing up and placing plenty to cover the meal and tip he turned to her. “Isn’t one. I just don’t believe you can actually be civil for any real length of time.”

Smiling he walked away and out of the diner before she could retort. Grinning after him, Melody rose following with a look that seemed to say ‘Challenge absolutely accepted’. She was truthfully a very, very curious person— especially if there were secrets to be found out.

////

“QUE ERES TÚ?! Boy you got some serious issues!” The two walked close, laughing down a powered sidewalk, Lucja regalling Melody with stories of his past and she being vocally responsive whenever the chance permitted. They neared a stoop. “Oh mos def. Dirty, ghetto kid for life.” He chuckled. Melody was shaking her head. “Oh! This is me.” She gestured as they neared a set of steps leading to a stoop.”

“Aight, coo.” Lucja withdrew his hands from his pockets and checked his watch. “Aaaand, forty-seven minutes, six seconds, and seventeen milliseconds.” He announced, looking down at the woman with a smirk. “No. You. Didn’t.” Melody half laughed. “Damn skippy.” Lucja withdrew the black book from his jacket holding it out to fill the limited space between them.

She looked at it for a moment before reaching for it. Just as she did a peck of a kiss landed on her forehead. “Know you said I wasn’t gettin’ kissed tonight, but chu ain’t say nothin’ bout chu. Cute scar by da way.” Lucja let go of the book and backpedaled away for a moment, before turning on his heels, dancing a few circles into the snow as he did. Melody smiled only after she was certain he wasn’t going to look back.

////

Melovey,

Hey kid. Before this gets any weirder— yes. This is papá. Qué carajo, eh? Well in short I messed up. You already knew that, but still...I just need you to know that I know it too...I hurt you very deeply. More than I think I hurt even your mamá. And well...I’m just no good huh?

Mostly because I couldn’t think of a way to make up for it, without being dead first. Typical papá. Always taking the easy way out I guess...welp! Sorry for that too miija. More than anything though— I’m sorry for breaking your heart. That’s something a parent can’t ever really keep their child from experiencing in life, but to be the cause?...Eso es mucho pero.

Anyway I want you to know that despite how little we speak now I don’t think it’s supposed to be any other way. Your healing is yours alone and just because others forgave me, never meant you had— or— were supposed to. I hope you can remember the good parts of me at least though. Á veces.

Let’s get to what this is all about, eh? Your mother told me about Eric. I know matters of the corazón prove difficult for you and I can only imagine how much more shaken in them your faith has become now.

That said, flip to the back of this book and you’ll find tickets for several flights to destinations that served as the cornerstones for my falling in love with your mother. We visited them all again last year in an effort to repair the fissures I caused and I’m hoping maybe they might give you reason to believe in something...well bigger than yourself once more.

I suppose there’s not much more for me to say is there? Sí. Take care of yourself mija. Té amo mucho.

Melody flipped to the back of the book with shaking hands. There she found four tickets and neatly tucked beneath them a check for twenty thousand dollars. There was also more writing from her papá.

This is for you to enjoy the many sights to be cherished in these places. Also, I’m sure you’re wondering about Lucja and why he was the one to deliver this book. It was actually your mamá’s will. She thinks you two could be good for each other. He’s a student of mine. Only one Iwith better technique and pirouettes than my own actually. He’s doing a circuit around those locations— the very same where I met mamá. Es un buen hombre. Charming in a quiet way. Strange, only slightly. His numbers on the back of this note if you’re somewhat interested. Adiós mija!

Tears streamed Melody’s cheeks. Hurriedly she closed the book to save the ink. Memories of her papá flooded her mind and all the times he’d made her believe in how wonderful it felt to be loved. “Papà estùpido.” She sobbed to herself.

She was dressed for bed, but quickly redressed and threw her coat on. Heading out the door clutching her fathers book to her heart. After ten minutes her destination was reached. She scanned the empty park, listening in the dark. There.

As she’d hoped, she found Lucja where he’d been hours before. She was livid when she’d seen him earlier. In her fathers spot. Moving like he moved. This is where he practiced in the winter. ‘You can see your mistakes in the lines you draw, mija. Correction is perfection. Everyone makes mistakes, but not trying to fix them? Es muy mal, no?’

She spent so long angry with him. For being unfaithful to her mamá. For getting sick. For leaving her. Now she wished she could hug him, rather than a book. Healing would take time and she was glad to have these final words to aid her. For now she just wanted to feel his presence, like she used to.

So she sat watching Lucja; His concentration more impeccable than even her fathers was. Shhhk. Shhhk. Whoosh...Swish.