Frequent Disappointment? 6 Tools You Might Lack

Often we feel so disappointed or rejected when we think we have failed at something we desired, or we hit some obstacles; perhaps finding it hard to move on to something else. We could even be plagued by self-doubts and are living in regret. Such emotions tend to overcome us because we all hope for things to go well in our actions. We try our best, and anticipate positive or perfect outcomes. However, as we are seldom prepared for results that do not match our expectations, we often find it difficult to bounce back from them when things go wrong. In fact, that sense of failure or rejection can be so acute, our worst feelings seem to come after any disappointment.

Yet, motivating yourself after a perceived ‘failure’ should be automatic, because life does not depend on just ONE single event for our happiness or advancement. We are on a continuous journey of self-discovery and fulfilment, and every new experience we have is another step on that journey to help us cope with the rigours of life. Each single action merely confirms our readiness and clarifies our direction, while increasing our confidence in what is right for us. Regardless of the setback, you should give thanks for having the opportunity in the first place, and quickly move on to the next one.

Like the song says, you should ‘Pick yourself up, brush yourself off, and start all over again’, because there is no such thing as ‘failure’, only temporary setbacks, which are there to hone your skills, add to your experience, and develop your resilience and potential.

For example, without Thomas Edison failing the proverbial 9,999 times to invent the electric light bulb that we now take for granted, we might still be using candles! But he persevered until the 10,000th attempt, even when others told him how mad and foolish he was to keep trying! We are now the beneficiaries of his unending patience and tenacity. Instead of getting annoyed or demoralised each time he did not achieve his aim, he regarded every ‘failure’ as one more way that his idea didn’t work.

Please remember that you are always learning, no matter what age you are. Moreover, you need to tell yourself that you are growing daily, and a key part of that growth is not getting things right, and not just being successful. It is through dealing with setbacks that you gradually learn what to avoid in the process. It also increases your capability to deal with future tasks and opportunities.

In fact, you hit roadblocks or ‘fail’, because one or more of six key tools might be missing from your skillset and actions. Each one acts as a crucial link in the chain of achievement. If any link is weak or missing, it creates a predictable obstacle.

The Missing Tools

1. Belief and faith in your own ability and worthiness

If you lack belief in your ability, you won’t even try, or you will self-sabotage. This lack of faith translates directly into apprehension and FEAR. If you don’t believe you can do it, you won’t. It means the moment difficulty arises, your fearful internal narrative (“I knew I couldn’t do this,” or “I don’t deserve this success”) will confirm your negative belief. You stop before external factors can even stop you. Failure is thus guaranteed by inaction or premature surrender.

2. The confidence and perseverance required to succeed (which is often hijacked by fear!)

Our confidence is the fuel that starts the engine; your perseverance is the oil that keeps it running through rough terrain. Without them, you are likely to lack the emotional staying power to navigate challenges you might face. All worthwhile endeavours face setbacks. That’s nothing new, and par for the course. When fear, rejection, or difficulty hijacks your drive, your lack of perseverance means you interpret the first major obstacle as a definitive stop sign, rather than a detour. Failure is likely to result from stopping too soon.

3. The necessary information and knowledge involved

Knowledge is the map that guides you. If you don’t know the landscape, the industry, the market, or the necessary methods, you will be operating blind. You will rely on assumptions that are likely to be incorrect or outdated. Failure comes when you expend significant effort in the wrong direction, solving the wrong problems, or using outdated methods. This is likely to lead to inefficiency and wasted resources, often resulting in the project failing to meet objective standards or relevance.

4. The required training to understand the task

Information (knowing what to do) is useless without training (knowing how to apply it). The two need to go together because training translates knowledge into skill - the practical ability to execute a task correctly and efficiently. Without training, you are likely to make avoidable errors. Lack of training often leads to low quality output, too, slow execution, poor technique, or, in complex scenarios, catastrophic operational mistakes, because the hands (skill) cannot match the instructions (knowledge).

5. The essential resources needed, like money, etc.

Resources are the logistical requirements. Whether it’s capital, time, specific equipment, or the necessary manpower, a lack of resources puts a tough, external limit on what can be accomplished. The goal then becomes physically or financially unattainable. You may reach a point where you cannot afford the next phase, the necessary tool is unavailable, or you simply run out of time before completion.

6. The maturity to deal with the occasion

Maturity is the emotional and intellectual capacity to handle the weight, and complexity, of the situation. It involves self-regulation, accountability, patience, and the ability to manage stress and feedback constructively. A lack of maturity can lead to interpersonal conflict (the inability to work with teams), poor judgement (making impulsive, short-sighted decisions), or emotional meltdown under pressure. Yes, you may achieve success, but you’re likely to lose it due to an inability to handle the responsibilities or consequences that come with it.

Which one is standing in your way and denying you your dreams?

The Importance of Maturity

In essence, if you ‘fail’ anything, it means that, for whatever reason, you are not yet ready for it, no matter how qualified, or confident, you might feel.

For example, if you took an exam at 16 years old and failed it, but passed it at 18 years old, it shows that you lacked the maturity, information, and confidence to pass it on the first attempt. You needed to be more mature and knowledgeable about the subject matter.

As regards our jobs, we never ‘fail’ them, regardless of any difficulty we might encounter. When we are doing the right things which fire our imagination, and make us feel alive and powerful, we soar to the skies in the process. Obstacles come when we force ourselves to do something against our nature, either to impress, to please someone else, or do it for the wrong reasons - like when you work just to pay your mortgage or service your responsibilities without any real love for, or commitment to, the job, which would make it the wrong area or profession for you. Or when you follow your loved one’s advice about what you should do against your own instincts.

So how do you motivate yourself when you fail or hit setbacks?

Tell yourself, regularly, that failure has nothing to do with your worth as a human being. Failure relates to actions - and you can always change your actions. Read the six reasons above again and use them to work out why you didn’t achieve what you wanted on that occasion, and then set about learning to change those actions for the better.

The fact that you have reached any stage in your life since your birth is a testament to how much you have achieved in simply getting there. Remind yourself how far you have come, and all your successes to date, which should put things in a balanced perspective.

Accept that occasional setbacks keeps you on track. You’ll also enjoy the process of improvement and development, rather than just focusing on fear, disappointment or negativity. You would have gained a great deal from it, too, especially the self-belief, fortitude, and resilience to put setbacks in perspective, and keep on trying.

At difficult moments, when things have not gone to expectations, it is good to take a deep breath, look at the six reasons above, and ask yourself which one (or more) applies to that occasion. It’s a very good starting point to review any disappointment, and also immediately gives you something positive you can understand, and even begin to remedy, instead of feeling too badly, or beating yourself up.