Forgiveness Is No Fun

Forgiving people sometimes just plain sucks. Having the capacity to forgive someone is an admirable quality. I admire people who are able to forgive quicker than most. I have read books on forgiveness, listened to lectures and heard about forgiveness plenty in church. Forgiving, much like dieting and refraining from online order sprees, is so much easier said than done and not nearly as much fun as other things. I have seen so many movies and TV shows where someone is hellbent on revenge and at the last minute has some sort of spiritual awakening and refrains from the kill shot or kill blow. I find those moments very disappointing. Two shows I like very much are Blacklist and Wentworth. In Blacklist the main character always takes the kill shot. Even if he forgives them, it is a matter of principle. He is my favorite. In Wentworth the main character in the first couple of seasons gets her revenge. Someone almost talked her out of it too, but she followed through. In the following episode someone asked her if it was worth it and she said yes. Finally. That is what I like to hear. Usually the answer is no with some long sad and pathetic explanation and I want to throw my shoe at the TV. Often times people say you won’t feel any different or you won’t feel any better if you do this to them or do that to them. I beg to differ and I have two questions for those people. How do you know and why not? There are a handful of people I would like to crack in the mouth and I have no doubt that I would feel better after. I would probably relive that moment in my head repeatedly and sleep a whole lot better at night. My hand might hurt a bit after but man the pain would be worth it. When someone tells me I need to forgive, it makes it worse. Add another resentment to the list.

Believe it or not I do see the advantage in forgiving. We forgive others for us not for them. So that we can eliminate that bitterness from our heart and be able to carry on in life without that throbbing reminder. I read a quote once that I found to be very profound, “Resentment is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die from it.” (Nelson Mandela) That is so true. Usually the person we are resenting is living their lives doing what they do and not giving you a second though meanwhile you’re miserable. I would say holding resentments is like eating burnt food with no seasoning. You might be living your life but you really are not enjoying it. I will admit that since I decided that forgiving was the way to go, my life has been so much better. I am a lot happier and I just enjoy life so much more.

Forgiveness still isn’t fun. You know what would be fun, exacting revenge and getting away with it. Cracking a few peoples in their mouths and coming home with a sore hand and not having to worry about being arrested. Legal repercussions get in the way of my plans. I can’t run someone over because it is a crime. I can’t go beating people up because it’s a crime. I think I would have a lot more peace of mind if I could dip over to the other side of town or to another state and do what I wanna do right quick, dip back home and go about my business. So, I almost have no choice but to forgive. I am not willing to pay the legal consequences and I have other things to do. One of the reasons that character from Wentworth said it was worth it is because she was willing to pay the legal consequences. Been there, done that, I’m good.

So, it is all about finding the balance and that isn’t any fun either. If you are too nice or trusting people will burn you and if you walk around angry every day you end up burning yourself. How do you find that balance? I have no idea. I am an extremist by nature so I am either all in or all out. I might live life as an in-between being that I am a butch but I don’t like middle ground. I have prayed about it and had a few conversations about it and I came up the following.

Smile and be happy. Life is happening and people are what they are and I can’t change anyone. I can, however, have a much better impact on them if I am just me and not angry all the time.

Don’t change for anyone. Just because someone else is a liar doesn’t mean you need to be. Just because someone else is a jerk doesn’t mean you need to be. Don’t be a punk though. That there is the tricky part. My instincts lead to actions that are illegal so lots of prayer, meditation, yoga, shadow boxing and treadmill sessions. That treadmill is great therapy. And you’ll get in shape. They should do angry fit advertisements. Get angry fit! Beats the hell about of being angry fat.

Sometimes we have to trick ourselves into believing Karma will come into play and part of me believes that and a part of me doesn’t. The list is getting long and even Santa has helpers right? Can I be Karma’s little helper? Interesting concept, but not likely to happen. Karma or no Karma, I pride myself in being honest. It sucks when other people aren’t. It sucks when you are honest and you lose and someone else lies to wins. I wrote a poem not too long ago and the first two lines read I would rather go to hell for being real then go to heaven for being fake. Now obviously you can’t lie your way to heaven but the way I see it, part of being a punk is being that person who will say or do anything to get by or get in or get out, or being that person who will hurt someone else for their own satisfaction or pleasure. I am not going to be that person and living up to that principle isn’t always fun. I have to respect myself in the morning. I would rather suffer a little bit of hell now and go to heaven later than make my own version of heaven now, just wind up in hell later. Holding to that standard is harder than hell sometimes and resisting the urge to do crazy things is extremely difficult. Not everyone deserves forgiveness. A part of me still feels like forgiving means they got away with it. I’ll go mad if I get caught up in that line of thinking so I’ll forgive. It isn’t fun at all. I also have to remind myself that I have lied, hurt others and made mistakes and others have forgiven me. Ironically, forgiveness is like a long con. You have to play a part to get the end result. I want certain things in this life and to achieve that I have to forgive. Ultimately, it is the logical choice.

Much of life is a state of mind and what we think about can consume us or motivate us. Working through resentments is probably harder than physically recovering from a wound. I don’t believe in ignoring it because it will come back to haunt you later. I do believe in working through it. What I found to be effective is taking all that energy and turning it into what motivates me rather than what consumes and handicaps me. Even if that means that two years from now, I am going to angry fit and angry rich. I’m joking but I am not. The idea is to turn what hurts you into what drives you until what hurts you no longer hurts you. And by the time that happens you are too busy doing whatever it is you’re doing to even notice that it doesn’t hurt you anymore. It is similar to a concept we use in sales. Turning the prospect’s excuse against them. The very reason they are saying no is the very reason they should. I can’t afford it? You can’t afford not to! I can’t afford not to forgive and move on and neither can you. It may not be fun now, but it will be a lot more fun later.

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