Figure it out

by Ruby Montiel 30 days ago in advice

"Normal is an illusion. what is normal to the spider is chaos to the fly" -C. Adams

Figure it out
Photo by BRDNK Vision on Unsplash

There is a sense of beauty in Chaos. There is a feeling of control while not being in control.

A sense of release when we scream to the abyss.

We shatter glass and plates. We speed through a busy highway, dance to loud music, leave bruises on others, tear apart hearts. We smoke, snort and inject poison into our veins so just to float away from reality.

We have sex, we steal people vulnerability like we steal time from people trying to get somewhere but we purposely walk slow in front of them. We do the worst things to others and ourselves. We don't do it because we can, we do it because we can't. We do it because we grew up with our parents and society expectations; and they weren't always the same. We do it because if we missed behave our teachers will drop our name down one color, you will be doomed if they drop your name down to the same color that you use to fill in your misshape paper heart for Valentines. They told us that we can be whatever we wanted to be. What a load of crap! Your parents gave you keys and society gave you a 9 to 5 job but still have they audacity to tell you what can't do or be. ' you can't be a astronaut and a ball player', 'You can't be a stripper and well educated scholar'. You can't be a hangers', ' You can't be virgin at 40'.

You listened, I listened, he and she listened, they listened. We follow this lie. We told ourselves that we have to go to school, that we have to work the 9 to 5 job and marry the pretty women who can't cook but knows how to use hairspray. Then…..

Tragedy hits us. You loose a love one, your wife leaves you, your 9 to 5 job lays you off. This wasn't part of the lie you were suppose to follow. It was a lie though. There no instructions, no what to do next. Everything's falls.

 

What beautiful about this. Is that you tried your best to grab it but then realize you failed, its shatters to pieces you can not fix. So Now you are dancing to loud music as you snort a path that floats you out of reality. You later drive in a busy highway; dodging death as you go back to the house that you paid for with the 9 to 5 job you lost for the pretty women who couldn't cook. You walk in to an empty house and realize, you don't need manufacture fine china , you don't need a bookless bookshelves with empty picture frames or a television with cheap cable. You destroy it all, you scream. Shout. Cry. You take your lungs out and sit on then like a whoopie cushion. Then you laugh. You sleep.

You wake up the next morning you grab the broom and you do it all over again. You find a pretty women , who can't do laundry, you find a 10 to 6 job. You inevitably go back to the lie.

 

Don't do that. Don't grab the broom. Don't start over. Move.

Go someplace you never been but always wanted to. Meet people who don't know your name. Dance to beautiful music and drink the finest wine while staying grounded. Have a well cook meal on a mountain that touches the stars. Stare at a painting. Don't worry about the meaning and story about the painting just stare at it because you like the color. Travel to another part of the world just to look at a building: don't go in the building. Meet people who understand why you danced to loud music and speed your way through a highway. Jump out of a plane and float. Meet the Pope and call him by the wrong name. Figure out if queen Elizabeth is actually a lizard. Read the most scary book and travel to the most saddest place. Eat the most expensive dessert then quickly regret because it taste bad. Eat a McDonald chicken sandwich at a chick fil a restaurant, act like you like it.

When your done. When the police has escorted you out and there nothing more to see and do.

Go home. Grab your broom . Sweep the shatter glass, replace your tv. Buy some books, some that you're read and some that you just like the idea of it but never touch but still pretend to have read it because who's really going to call you out on it really. You don't find a 9 to 5 job though. You create a 9 to 5 job.

As you are sitting down to interview the men or women who is married to someone who can't fold clothes. You then realize that the lie you follow was the chaos.

so later the same day. You dance to loud music.

advice
Ruby Montiel
Ruby Montiel
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Ruby Montiel

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