Different Versions

Has anything happened recently in your life’s events to make you wonder, “who am I?” I’m here to tell you that it’s ok to feel unrecognizable. You’re actually supposed to outgrow past beliefs and become a whole new, evolved human being. Or to look at yourself and wonder, “how did I get here?” Here may not have been the sought after destination, but in the end, it’s the journey that matters, isn’t it?

I saw a great, big, expansive tree before I opened my eyes this morning. I thought back to this time last year, I was on a journey of discovering my roots. I wanted to feel more grounded in myself and become closer to my family. Now, today, this morning, I want to be tall and wide, like a grand old tree. Clearly, Grandmother Willow lived hundreds of years as trees often do… We, unfortunately do not so it behooves us not to stunt our growth by not accepting this new version of ourselves.

Life is also filled with contradictions so it’s ok if you feel like a walking one… Think about it, we constantly want what’s bad for us anywhere from food to habits, yet we desire to live a healthy, successful life by doing the exact opposite of what we could do to achieve the results we hope for. This quote comes to mind, “the desire to change must be greater than the desire to stay the same.” The sad truth is that we along with countless other individuals give into human nature and crave comfort. We get used to the things that work against us and instead of working up the courage to expand by trying something new, we cower and give into what’s familiar and easy.

Maybe we’re waiting for someone to save us from ourselves. That someone could be God for the religious folks out there… We put so much faith in an external force or focus to redeem us and turn our lives around… Sometimes miracles do happen, I suppose if you believe hard enough, anything can justifiably become a miracle. “Faith without works is dead,” I think that text of the Bible is overlooked way too often. Faith alone, much like manifestation alone, isn’t enough for us to do anything differently. Action is what it all boils down to.

How ever it is that you got to this exact time in your life has been a direct result of your action or lack of action to get here. You are the only person responsible for your actions. It’s so easy to forget that idea in spite of disturbing your comfort level. But how much can we really blame on our relationships, society, bosses etc for our current destination? Maybe it’s just time to stretch a little, feel some growing pains, disrupt our comfort zones, learn some new ways of becoming the people we’ve always known we would be.

When I was a little girl I wanted to be a Teacher. My teachers were all pretty influential in one way or another. I had a teacher with the most beautiful and gentle, happy soul who died when I was around 8 years old. If you’ve read my other articles, you would know that I was groomed into having a very unnatural relationship to death so at the time, I didn’t cry or even miss her that much. Still, she was influential and I held her position as one of the highest ideals. Then I got to America and felt really bad for teachers. I once had 3 different Spanish teachers in one year. The kids were relentless jerks, such a culture shock. Lucky for me, I’ve always been an adaptable human being no matter how depressing the situation is. I digress…

“What changed?” Is another question you may ask yourself. Having difficulty pinpointing the exact moment that you changed? I find it ironic that your life can change dramatically yet you, not so much. This was an intentional decision that I made to myself and a few friends who would promise never to forget me at 10 years old when I migrated to America… I was obsessed with not changing and promising not to forget them either. But here is where the honest truth comes in, you are going to change no matter how long you try to postpone it, it’s your eventuality. Think about it, when a child is born, it grows weekly, monthly, yearly yet compared to the parent, it has so much more to go… So much to learn, so many teachers will enter their life in the form of friends and experiences… A teenager may think they’ve reached a certain level of common sense that they “know it all.” Sound familiar? That is because at any given time, the human experience is exactly the same. Growth is a part of this life we live and we will never know what those who are older than us know because they were raised in different times. This might all sound extremely simple-minded but the answers to these questions are simple. We complicate things. We make things seem impossible that way we can justify never actually doing anything we would be proud of.

The Me I am today feels different than the me I was when I didn’t know what I do now. This is completely natural to feel this way… It only feels unnatural because we resist expansion. We don’t want to learn anything new because it might actually result in an action we’ve never taken before. If you’re still reading this, I’m here to tell you that it’s ok to grow tall and wide… Whatever that tree looks like to you, grow there.